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I watched last week’s Toddlers & Tiaras: Island of Dreams Pageant with dismay — not because of the pushy grandmother who seems to think pageants are more important than presidential elections or the parents who used a paint roller to darken their child to a lovely shade of poop, but because there was nothing particularly outlandish or novel to chronicle in my show recap. Same flippers, different week.
So there I was, sucking down a gingerbread martini and laughing at all the little girls falling down on their tutu’d, diapered behinds on stage (yes, apparently Kahlua imbues me with the maturity and sensitivity of a 12-year-old boy), when a savior appeared…
Meet Kelly, mother of 23-month-old Natalie, who provides the only real clip worth watching from last week’s episode. I think we can all learn something about losing with dignity from Kelly.
Most inspiring quote of the show: “Why would I stay after you tell my daughter she’s a loser? She got f*cking princess. It’s a f*cking joke. This is a JOKE. JOKE, JOKE, JOKE.”
Most unexpected plot twist of the show: When Kelly looks like an even bigger loser because her daughter is crowned Novice Supreme, after all — and she is outside pouting and dropping F-bombs when they are called on-stage. D’oh.