Posts Tagged ‘Word of the Day’
Word of the Day: Spill-proof
Aug 19, 2010 | Filed Under: Humor & Satire | Tags: Storktionary, Word of the Day
Spill-proof (adj.)
1. A misnomer created by marketers that have never been within a 20-foot radius of a toddler;
2. A term that should not be confused with “squeeze-proof”;
3. A product guarantee immediately viewed as a challenge by, er, precocious children;
4. The reason I had to change my clothes and my daughter’s clothes, as well as stuff the entire stroller in the washing machine this morning.
Sentence usage:
“Look at how drenched your child is! You must have given her a spill-proof smoothie.”
Word of the Day: Cannibaby
Jun 15, 2010 | Filed Under: Storktionary | Tags: Ouch, Word of the Day
Cannibaby (n.)
1. My ten-month-old daughter who prefers solid foods of the flesh variety*, sinking her six teeth into my neck, cheek and shoulder every chance she gets — and laughing when I yelp, “No! Eating mommy is not allowed!”
2. The reason I am shopping for turtlenecks in June.
[from Spanish Canibales, meaning pint-sized vampire]
*The author is most thankful this has not extended to nursing habits
More Storktionary words of the day…
Word of the Day: Parenting
Jun 2, 2010 | Filed Under: Storktionary | Tags: Word of the Day
Parenting: Filled with special moments
Parenting (n.)
1. A fine-tuned mixture of joy, negotiation and guerrilla warfare.
2. What we should do very carefully, and with much kindness, because our kids will choose our nursing homes.
3. Raising children to become happy, healthy, productive adults, so we can laugh when they have their own children who demolish their homes and ruin their sex lives.
4. The art of not only teaching our children, but also learning things from them — such as how much patience we have.
Storktionary: Baby-whipped
May 26, 2010 | Filed Under: Featured,Humor & Satire | Tags: Storktionary, Word of the Day
Baby-whipped (adj.)
1. The state of being controlled by a 29-inch-long human being who drools and babbles;
Storktionary (Word of the Day): Grandparents
May 4, 2010 | Filed Under: Featured,Humor & Satire | Tags: Word of the Day
Grandparents (n.)
1. The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right;
Word of the Day: Momory
Mar 15, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Humor & Satire | Tags: Word of the Day
"Well, THAT wasn't so bad!" Candy thought, based on her "momory" of childbirth, despite having the shakes for four hours after delivery and a burning vagina for weeks to come
Function: Noun
1. A mom’s selective memory of the child-birthing and -rearing experiences.
Word of the Day: Ladylike
Feb 1, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Featured | Tags: Word of the Day
Function: adjective
1. The appearance of being elegant and well-bred, an appearance that I have clearly passed on to my daughter.
Word of the Day: Mommy Stalker
May 21, 2009 | Filed Under: Humor & Satire | Tags: Word of the Day
Mommy Stalker (mom’ee stôk’er) n.
1. A woman with children and no other employment, who nonetheless employs a housekeeper and full-time nannies and, therefore, has ample time to prey upon other mothers and harass them about going to the movies, having girls’ nights out, holding slumber parties and braiding each other’s hair, etc. — with no concept that other women actually spend time with their kids.
2. A mother in dire need of adult conversation who “casually” hangs out in the grocery store in hopes of meeting other mothers. This kind of stalker can be immediately identified by the wild look of desperation in her eye and dried formula in her hair. She may also be incoherently mumbling the “Barney” theme song over and over.
3. One who hunts MILFs. (See also: Ashton Kutcher; Jesus Luz)
Sentence usage: “Danger! Steer clear of the cereal aisle. There’s a mommy stalker trying to lure women back to her house by offering them ‘free’ Cap’n Crunch coupons!”
