Posts Tagged ‘Personal’
May 11, 2009
Babies come with a number of mind-boggling accessories, including car seat systems that even Houdini could not escape. “Rear-facing”… “anchor attachments”… “SnugRider” (Ed. note: apparently, not a condom) … all new terms to me, which add up to one big life-changing reality check:
I need a new car.
A longtime convertible enthusiast — I love the feel [...]
Apr 23, 2009
Mr. Candy and I are regrouping from a long day o’ traveling, from LAX to Dulles to Harrisburg Airport, then down the Turnpike to my hometown of Mechanicsburg. Phew.
So here I sit, in the very same kitchen where, according to my mother, I used to clear out all of the pots and pans so I [...]
Mar 31, 2009
Today marks my 23rd week of pregnancy. Frankly, I have no clue how many months that equals.
“Then you must be an idiot!” you are undoubtedly shouting at the picture of me and my ever-growing bump.
With this, I cannot argue.
By my uncertain calculations, I am about five months along. However, according to What to Expect When [...]
Mar 16, 2009
The Laughing Stork is finally going to “officially” launch with a snazzy new design, expanded offerings, more frequent updates and a weekly video blog lampooning children’s programming and family reality shows within the next two weeks. Woo-hoo!
Don’t miss out. Get notified when the site launches and kept apprised of other news & announcements by signing [...]
Mar 12, 2009
“You’re gonna have to learn how to type with one hand,” people often inform me when they find out I’m having a baby, anticipating my continued writing addiction and Candy Junior’s desire to be held (apparently, babies like this or something?).
Little do they know I’ve been a one-armed typist for some years now:
Cats have a [...]
Mar 11, 2009
CANDY’S MOM: Your dad and I got your e-mail with the pictures. Got quite a chuckle out of ‘em.
CANDY: Chuckle?
CANDY’S MOM: Well, yeah. (PAUSE) You’ve gotten so BIG!
CANDY: (INSTANTLY DEFENSIVE, AS ONLY A DAUGHTER CAN BE WITH HER MOTHER) I’m still wearing my old jeans, you know.
CANDY’S MOM: (INSTANTLY SKEPTICAL, AS ONLY A MOTHER CAN [...]
Mar 6, 2009
MOST UTTERLY DISAPPOINTING REACTION GOES TO…
Mr. Candy!
CANDY: So, honey, I took a pregnancy test today and — I’m pregnant!
MR. CANDY: Oh my God. (TURNS PALE) That’s scary.
MOST DRAMATIC RESPONSE IN A CRACKER BARREL RESTAURANT GOES TO…
Candy’s Mother-in-Law!
Candy’s MIL opens her Christmas card. An ultrasound picture falls out. A moment of silence, then:
CANDY’S MIL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Candy’s MIL [...]
Mar 3, 2009
I’ve recently taken a break from my iPod’s usual Kanye/Katy Perry/Rihanna/Cold Play/Young MC (Shut up! I love me some “Bust a Move”) rotation to listen to something a little more, shall we say, New Age:
That would be my prenatal heart listener. My prenatal heart listener with which I am OBSESSED, to be frank.
Oh sure, those [...]
