Posts Tagged ‘Love & Marriage’

Mar 11, 2010

“Do You Take This Pillow to Be Your Lawfully Wedded Wife? … I Do” (Till a Hotter Down Pillow Does Us Part)

If anything will restore your faith in true love, this is it:  Lee Jin-gyuhas finally made an honest pile of cotton out of his beloved ‘dakimakura’ — a kind of large, huggable pillow from Japan — by marrying the pillow in a “special ceremony.”
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Feb 2, 2010

“What Are You Thinking?”

It was that critical make-or-break point.  Twenty-two years old and three months into our relationship, Mr. Candy and I were having “The Talk” at a cozy Manhattan bar over chicken fingers and too many bottles of wine. 
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kardashians-ok

Sep 30, 2009

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom’s Wedding Picture Says It All

When I saw this magazine cover, I felt like apologizing to my daughter for bringing her into a world where the Kardashians are famous.
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Sep 24, 2009

Dirty Talk

CANDY: Hey, hon?  [WAITS, THEN:] HEY, HONEY! MR. CANDY: [WATCHING BABY IN THE NEXT ROOM] …Yeah?! CANDY: Does she still have that booger?
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Sep 20, 2009

Silly Men

MR. CANDY:  Wow.  Colbie Smulders doesn’t even look pregnant! ME:  Um, she had her baby a couple months ago. MR. CANDY:  Oh.  [PAUSE]  Wow.  She lost her weight fast.
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Aug 27, 2009

Man Jumps into River to Escape Wife’s Nagging

Till nagging about the toilet seat do us part… Chinese ship crew members on the Yangtze River saw a man suddenly run out of his cabin, hands covering his ears, and shout: “I can’t stand it any longer!” They initially thought he was suffering from an ear injury and went to help him, but no…!  Turns out, he [...]
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Jun 17, 2009

How Couples Can Work Together During the Recession

“Hey, honey.  Looks like we’re gonna have to pay a late fee on the Visa bill.” “Uh-oh.” “Unless…” “Yes?” “Unless you FINALLY chip in and sell a few blowjobs on Craigslist.” Yes, a man simply trying to “pay bills” by pimping out his wife on Craigslist has been arrested, and faces one count of promoting prostitution and one count of [...]
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May 20, 2009

Breaking Medical News: Wife Drills into Husband’s Pecker

A woman who was a teensy bit unhappy with her husband after he spent a week’s salary on liquor — hey, appletinis ain’t cheap! — decided to maturely teach him a lesson in finances by drilling a hole into his penis. Presumably, she used a drill by Black and Pecker. A horrified Andrei Karaj told cops he [...]
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