Posts Tagged ‘Busted’
Totally Sober: Heather Locklear
Sep 28, 2008 | Filed Under: Pop Culture | Tags: Busted, Totally Sober
Oh, Heather.
Heather Locklear — once known as the woman who could single-handedly revive any struggling TV show — has officially joined the not-so-exclusive Celebrity DUI Club. Her welcome gift: this lovely mugshot to be used in humiliating TMZ slideshows for years to come.
Apparently, the L’Oréal spokeswoman doesn’t use their Waterproof Volume-Building Mascara — and why not? Because she’s not worth it™?!
Heather was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence of a controlled substance — which turned out to be “prescription medication” — in Santa Barbara, where Heather was pulled over by an officer Saturday afternoon after a resident reported seeing the actress leaving a parking lot and “driving erratically.” The officer finally tracked down Heather’s car parked on a state highway and blocking a lane.
Hey, we all like to take a mid-highway nap sometimes!
However, “in talking with her, (the officer) determined that she seemed to be under the influence of something,” so Heather was taken to the police station, where she was tested for alcohol and drugs, and recited classically bitchy “Melrose Place” lines for officers, such as:
You’re right. I did over pack. Feel free to borrow anything you can squeeze into.”
Zing!
Well, she should have. I know I would’ve cleared her of all charges for sprinkling some Amanda Woodward goodness my way. Besides, we all know this is Denise Richards’ fault! Heather’s DUI… the financial crisis… all signs point to Denise, really. Denise Richards: It’s Censurable.
Breaking: John McCain Cheats on Letterman with Katie Couric!
Sep 25, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Busted, Political Fun & Other Oxymorons
Playing out like an episode of Cheaters, David Letterman was none too pleased on his show last night when 1) Senator John McCain bailed at the last minute to “catch a plane to D.C.” and help work on the economy; and 2) He found out in the middle of the show that McCain actually dumped him to appear on CBS News with Katie Couric — and even had the live feed of them prepping for their interview.
Busted.
Watch as Letterman tears into McCain harder than Drew Carey tears into a Big Mac.
In McCain’s defense, Katie does have better legs than Dave.
It's the Stink Bomber!
Sep 24, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Busted, Ew, Real-Life Hilarity
Breaking news: West Virginian Jose Cruz has been booked for unleashing an offensive gas attack on a police officer. Yes, as in flatulence.
Police stopped the Stink Bomber in South Charleston for driving with his headlights off. Shockingly, alcohol may have been involved because he failed sobriety tests — and was subsequently arrested.
As officers were trying to get fingerprints, police say the Stink Bomber moved closer to the officer and — you guessed it — pulled a Pepé Le Pew and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was “very strong.” Also known in technical terms as a “beer fart.”
The Stink Bomber is now charged with DUI and battery of a police officer. However, CandyKirby.com’s legal experts expect the defendant to use the rock-solid “But he pulled my finger…!” defense.
Dane Cook Fights Eviction with Ol' "I Need Belushi's Ghost!" Defense
Sep 22, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Busted, Sign You're a Douchebag
If there’s one thing I love more than waiters who take my drink before it’s finished, it’s people who don’t pick up after their dogs. So imagine my delight when I heard “comedian” Dane Cook is actually being evicted from his apartment building because of repeated dog doo-doo offenses — and, even better, Dane is arguing that he can’t possibly leave because his career is dependent on the spirits of John Belushi and Steve Martin that live in the building.
Oh, puh-lease. Who hasn’t used that ol’ defense before?
Dane claims he only rented the apartment in the first place because his heroes, Belushi and Martin, once lived in the same complex, and according to the court documents filed in L.A. County Superior Court, he would suffer serious “mental and emotional” damage — and his career would crumble — if he was forced to leave.
Dane states in the documents:
“I know that the presence of those that have lived there before me affects me deeply and provides me with inspiration. In the same way that writers can get writer’s block, comedians can really easily run out of ideas and ‘stories’; I am extremely frightened that this will happen to me if I am forced to move out of my apartment. I’ve seen it happen to other comics, that something interferes with their connection to their creative muse, and it’s destroyed careers.”
In related news, people living in Martha’s Vineyard have reported a minor tremor believed to be John Belushi rolling over in his grave from being the “inspiration” for Dane’s comedic efforts.
The Family That Does Meth Together, Stays Together
Sep 17, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Busted
Good old-fashioned family bonding alert: Ryan O’Neal, 67, and his son Redmond, 24, were arrested on suspicion of methamphetamine possession this morning.
Somewhere, Dr. Phil has T-bone juice dribbling down his chin and is yelling at his staff, “O’Neal AND his son? Holy shee-yit. Get ‘em in the books! Now where the hell’s my A-1 Sauce, goddammit?”
True story.
Los Angeles authorities said they were doing a probation search at the family’s Malibu home — Redmond’s been arrested twice before for narcotics possession — when they found meth and a vial of the drug in Ryan’s bedroom. The father/son wonder duo is being held on $10,000 bail.
Last year, as you may remember, Ryan was arrested for attacking his 42-year-old son Griffin with a fireplace poker. Hey, sometimes, a time-out in the corner just isn’t enough!
Man, oh, man. I’m feeling pretty lame right about now. The naughtiest thing my mom and I ever did was drop a “Clinton/Gore” pamphlet in our ultra-conservative neighbor’s door and run away giggling like little schoolgirls. Needless to say, they won’t be making a Lifetime Movie of the Week about our shenanigans any time soon.
Kanye West Arrested for Being a Twat
Sep 11, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Busted, Fight, I Heart Divas, Kanye West
Kanye West, who shockingly is allowed to fly carrying his oversized ego (hope they charge him extra for that), was just arrested at LAX for felony vandalism.
What a nice way to commemorate 9/11.
How it all went down: A still photographer was trying to take pics of Kanye at the American Airlines terminal, so Kanye apparently confronted the photog and smashed his camera to the ground. A TMZ paparazzo then began videotaping the scene when Kanye’s bodyguard grabbed their video camera — and threw it to the ground, breaking it.
When Kanye realized TMZ had videotaped the incident, he rushed the dude and yelled, “Gimme that f**king tape!”
Candy Kirby.com’s sources reveal Kanye is telling the po-po right now, “LET ME GO, YA DAMN FOOLS! I’M BIGGER THAN GOD!”
EPIC ALL-CAPS BLOG POST FROM KANYE TO FOLLOW!!!111one
Anne Hathaway's Ex Agrees to Get Comfy in Prisoner Jumpsuit
Sep 10, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Anne Hathaway, Busted
Anne Hathaway‘s ex-boyfriend, Raffaello Follieri, had better prepare himself for a whole lotta Spam breakfasts, bologna sandwich lunches and sausage… well, just sausage… because the 30-year-old con man pleaded guilty to all 14 counts against him Wednesday morning in a Manhattan federal court.
Dressed in a navy prison uniform, the Italian (funny)businessman reportedly looked calm and told the judge, “I know what I did was wrong.”
“Wrong” for most of us means speeding, refusing to go up a pant size despite the emergence of a camel toe, and watching The Hills. “Wrong” for Follieri, however, means filching $6 million while pretending to be the Vatican’s chief money man.
The camel toe being the worst offense of all, of course.
Follieri could be sentenced to up to 265 years in prison, and has agreed to not appeal a sentence less than 63 months.
He’s already clearly enjoying himself in his new abode, begging the judge to let him out of his NYC holding cell ’cause of “unspecified inmate issues.”
You know what that means, right? Follieri wants to decorate the cell in French Country style, while his cellmate is more of a Victorian man. Just your typical prisoner squabbles!
