Posts Tagged ‘Beauty’
Perfect Gift for “Woman of the Etiquette”
May 12, 2009 | Filed Under: Humor & Satire | Tags: Beauty, My Inside Cleaner, Wait Impatiently for Woman, WTF?
All the stinky ladies…. All the stinky ladies… Now put your hands up!
Thank goodness the Chinese have our backs or, um, boxes for “when stinks” — complete with handy-dandy diagrams, no less. Can’t imagine why an agent would be necessary, however. The copy sells itself!
[via Engrish]
Dealing with Stretch Marks and Other Joys of Pregnancy
Apr 17, 2009 | Filed Under: Reviews,Shopping | Tags: Beauty, Stretch Marks
Moms who choose not to commemorate their pregnancy with a scrapbook, blog or what-have you still often have another lasting memento: stretch marks. Yay! A pregnancy roadmap forever etched on your breasts! How wonderful. Or… not.
Personally, I’m not too keen on my stomach looking like the New Jersey Turnpike, although I know it may be inevitable. Much of it depends on genes, I’m sure. It won’t be the end of the world if I’m stuck with them (being stuck at a Jessica Simpson concert would be a far worse fate), but if I can do something to minimize the scars, you can be damn sure I’m gonna do it!
My cousin, who (conveniently for me) is a labor and delivery nurse, bought me a tube of this Erbaorganics Mommy-to-Be Stretch Mark Cream. Apparently, one of her patients used it and her skin looked “amazing.” Thanks, cuz! It’s too soon to say if it totally works, but at 25 weeks I don’t have any marks yet AND my skin is silky smooth. I’m already on my second tube of the stuff. (Got a lot of area to cover.)
Seriously, I’d even wrap myself in gypsy moth poop if someone told me it had magical anti-stretch powers.
Please note that shopping tips and suggestions are not paid for — just Candy’s general observations and ramblings — unless specified as a Sponsored Listing.
More Men Getting Botox, Er… “Boytox”
Apr 13, 2009 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Beauty, Botox
Mr. Freeze
Injecting poison and a possible bioterrorism agent into the face: fun that both genders can enjoy!
According to Time, the number of men getting Botox tripled from 2001 to 2007 — a hot new trend they’re calling “boytox.” But I’m hoping it’s not too late to popularize “Brotox” instead, because that’s a hell of a lot more fun to say. Which is all that really matters here.
Although both sexes use the injections to smooth out wrinkles in the forehead, men apparently have some different target areas than women because they want to get rid of vertical lines between their eyebrows, but don’t particularly worry about crow’s feet.
Well, duh. Everyone knows crow’s feet make men look distinguished, and women just look OLD. True story. Just ask any man with crow’s feet.
Also, “boytoxers” are different from “girltoxers” because, “They get so jacked up worrying that it will hurt,” says nine-time Olympic gold medalist Mark Spitz, spokesman for Allergan, the company that produces Botox. “Maybe that’s why women have babies and we don’t.”
Maybe. There’s also that little womb issue, but… details, details.
Today's Humility Award Goes To…
Sep 19, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Beauty, Celebrities Are Wise, Lordy
Reminds me of my favorite ’80s Pantene commercial: “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Oh, I don’t hate you, my lovely. But I DO want to slap you silly for saying that.
By the way, thank you, Karma, for working your magic with the whole Steven Segal marriage thingy. Much appreciated.
A Guide to Being Shauna Sand
Sep 19, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Beauty, celebutards
*Based on the highly scientific formula of reviewing photographs of the woman taken yesterday and today.
1) Embrace your natural beauty with minimal makeup and hair product.
2) Exit car in most graceful manner possible.
3) Three words: Lucite, lucite, lucite
4) Don’t keep the world guessing — let them know you’re wearing undergarments.
5) Once they know, remove undergarments immediately — preferably in the presence of a dozen paparazzi.
Ode to Natural Beauty
Sep 17, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Beauty, Lordy
When I think of natural beauty, I think of the endless expanse of stars, as great as the ocean. The sight of a mother holding her newborn child. The look on Clooney’s face when I surprise him by jumping out of his closet.
And, of course, the most naturally beautiful wonder of all, an understated beauty who doesn’t need to try too hard…
… Shauna Sand.
Ellen Pompeo on Allure Cover: A Magazine-to-English Translation
Sep 16, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Beauty, Ellen Pompeo, Magazines
1. Cover Shot = Lindsay Lohan + Kate Hudson
2. “Biggest Issue Ever!” = More ads than you can possibly bear
3. “Amazing Breakthroughs!” = You’ll have to take out a loan to afford these beauty products
4. “Tear-Out Beauty Guide” = Yet more crap to litter Candy’s your already-overflowing desk
5. “New Juice Fasts: Do They Really Work?”: “New Starvation Diets: Do You Really Want to Clutter Your Body with Food?”
6. “Best of Beauty: The 182 Winning Products”: Because 183 products would be over-the-top.
Mario Lopez Takes a Stand
Sep 15, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Beauty, Celebrities Are Wise, Headline of the Day, Mario Lopez
With so many celebrities consumed with fame, vanity and materialism, it’s refreshing to see Mario Lopez is courageously standing up for his beliefs:
No word on whether Mario will fight for other important causes, such as the national “Just Say No to Manscaping” movement.
