"Hold still! Gotta get this French braid just right."

In a study of monkey moms and newborns that may shed fresh light on the evolutionary underpinnings of mother-child bonding, National Institutes of Health (NIH) researchers have discovered amazing similarities between how the Rhesus monkeys interact with their newborns compared to humans with theirs.

We all fawn, coo and buy them way too many bucket hats at babyGap.

Having observed more than a dozen mother-newborn macaque pairs during the first couple months of the infants’ lives, NIH scientists also documented long, fixed gazes, exaggerated facial expressions, and a lip-smacking touch that the scientists believe could indicate the evolutionary basis of what we know as a kiss.

Awwww.

Certainly preferable to the way crocodiles often interact with their babies: *CHOMP*  *CHOMP*  (Well, they need something to wash down the neighbor’s dog.)

Meet the weight-challenged finalists in Pet Fit Club, the PDSA animal charity’s annual diet competition.  The chubster in the picture, Socrates, weighs in at a whopping 22 pounds — or, um, just two more pounds than OUR chubster, Matty:

Matty’s just “big boned!”  I swear!  (Also, there is no WAY Socrates is only 22 lbs.  They must be using the same sizing system that says Sherri Shepherd is a size 6.)

*AHEM*  Anyway…

Well, okay, at least we know our cat is a monster.  Socrates’ owner, Bill Duncan, had taken him to the vet because he was “worried by his lack of get-up-and-go.”   Hmmm… whatever could be the reason?  The verdict, not surprisingly, was that he was simply too fat to move, likely because of his affinity for cheese and onion crisps.

I hear that, Socrates!

So Socrates, along with eight other weight-challenged pets, entered the Pet Fit Club competition.  With just 100 days to reach his target weight of 9.9lb, he gets two 50g helpings of prescription diet food a day — about half of what he used to eat.

His owner says:

‘When I feed him now, he scoffs it down and looks at me as if to say, ‘Where’s the rest of it?’”

Awwww.  Woe is Socrates.  But, as you can see, the results are striking:

It’s only a matter of time until Socrates dons a pair of Speedos on the cover of Us Weekly:  “SOCRATES REVEALS HIS WEIGHT LOSS SECRET!” followed by appearances in tabloid stories decrying how “Scary skinny Socrates” has become “wafer thin.”

Lindsay is going to be sooooo jealous.

“Look, Mom!  She’s giving him a piggyback ride!”

[Source]

Here to provide your daily dose of “awwwww” is Mr. Squirrel Scene-Stealer, who unexpectedly popped up in this couple’s picture and made it an instant classic.   The couple had set the timer on their camera while posing at a Canadian park and, well, I guess the squirrel heard them say “cheese!” and decided to join them for the feast.

The woman said:

“We had our camera set up on some rocks and were getting ready to take the picture when this curious little ground squirrel appeared, became intrigued with the sound of the focusing camera and popped right into our shot.”

The awesome picture was submitted to the National Geographic Web site.

“It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment.  We were laughing about this little guy for days!” she smiled.

According to The Laughing Stork’s sources, television producers are already working getting the squirrel his own reality show and recording deal.  Which shouldn’t be too hard, considering the squirrely camera lover has a bigger vocabulary and more charisma than Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian combined!

“I don’t know if it’s the way you’re fantasizing about me covered in gravy or that milk I chugged earlier, but I’m pretty sure I just pooped my diaper.”

[Source]

This poor guy’s owner had better sleep with one eye open — or else she might wake up in a revenge hamburger costume, swimming in a vat of ketchup and relish.

Since you are worried that your parenting abilities will be questioned after posting your Christmas picture of Marcy and Matty, I wanted to reassure you that you can get away with a lot and still be allowed to have children. Here’s a picture of a little fun with had with our very patient dog, Cowboy, during a snowshoe trek a couple winters ago. We are looking forward to setting up a similar group shot with Cowboy, our toddler, and our new baby once he/she arrives in the next couple weeks. This is what down snowsuits are made for, right?

Have a funny baby photo, awkward family portrait and/or silly pet pic? Send to candy [at] thelaughingstork.com!

This may not be the wisest move, sharing an old Christmas card picture of our unhappy fluffballs, Marcy and Matty, as part of TLS’s “Humiliating Pet Portraits” series right before I’m due to give birth to a slightly less hairy baby.  People will no doubt begin — or continue — to question whether Mr. Candy and I are fit to be parents.

When you see THIS year’s holiday card, you will know once and for all that we definitely are not.

Behold sassy Miss Ellie, who claimed the coveted “World’s Ugliest Pedigree Dog” and “Canine Most Resembling Candy After an All-Night Margarita Bender” titles.  Meanwhile, there was an — GASP! — upset for the winner of the overall title:

Although Pabst, a boxer mix, may look like he just swallowed some bad Szechuan Chicken, he is actually overjowled, er… overJOYED to have been crowned the World’s Ugliest Dog of 2009.

Owner Miles Egstad says Pabst was rescued from an animal shelter as a puppy and named after an American beer for his “bitter beer face.”  Awwww.  The dog has a two-inch underbite, a large scar from a burn on his stomach and nails which grow in odd directions — or, as I like to call them, “beauty marks.”

Pabst’s victory was an upset –- the first place usually goes to a hairless Chinese Crested dog.

This PBR is for you, Pabst!

And that’s just to get a goldfish.

Yet, some people with questionable pet parenting skills STILL manage to slip through the system.  Such as the parents of this poor dog:

Hello Kitty costumes are generally grounds for animal cruelty arrest in this country; however, this poor dog looks so darn happy in his Hello Kitty bonnet, the parents were let off with a mere warning and citation from the Animal Fashion Police.