Posts Tagged ‘Animal Acts’
Extreme Makeover: Poodle Edition
Jun 15, 2010 | Filed Under: Television | Tags: Animal Acts, Just Wrong
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when topiary gardeners go rogue, check out TLC’s new show, Extreme Poodles.
The show, which is basically the canine equivalent of Toddlers & Tiaras, proves why some dogs should get their owners spayed or neutered. At the very least, I urge these poodles to lobby Congress for stricter shear control laws.
‘Panda Porn’ to Boost Males’ Sex Drive, Keep Them Entertained While Wives Away on Business
May 4, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Sex | Tags: Animal Acts
"Not now, hon. 'Real Housewives of Tibet' is on!"
Pandas are livin’ the dream: spending up to 16 hours a day eating, eight hours a day sleeping, and almost zero hours moving.
Sounds like my college years.
Without the help of Viagra or beer goggles, however, most male pandas in captivity would rather lie around and chew bamboo than stand up and get it on. And who can blame them, really? Sex, like, takes work!
“The mating time is generally not so long. Sometimes several minutes. The shortest may be 30 seconds,” said Zhang Zhihe, director of Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding in China. “If they don’t like the female’s personality or the females don’t like the male’s personality, they won’t mate. That’s the biggest reason why in captivity the mating is difficult.”
Thirty seconds to several minutes…? Perhaps pandas and humans aren’t so different, after all. (Just kidding, honey!)
Pandas are known to be isolated creatures and poor breeders, and in captivity the problem may be exacerbated. Zhihe and his team have tried a number of measures to try to cure the male panda of his woefully low libido — including showing videos of fellow pandas making love.
Yes, that’s right — PANDA PORN!
In the privacy of their own cages, captive male pandas watch the sights and sounds of love-making on TV. And, of course, the hope is that they’ll be aroused and want to mate (and won’t simply, um, honk their own horn, if you know what I mean — and, unfortunately, I think that you do).
“We’re sure the sound of the video will stimulate the panda and the males’ interest,” Zhihe said.
Along with watching porn, pandas are doing “sexercises,” or specialized exercises to strengthen the males’ hind legs and increase their stamina. Scientists have found that the combination of porn, exercises, and the occasional ménage à trois — I guess Pandas really DO like to swing, and not just from trees — to get young male pandas curious about sex have proved successful.
Zhihe says that more than 60 percent of his pandas are now capable of having sex on their own — up from just 25 percent twenty years ago. This “boost” is surely due to high-quality videos such as Bearly Legal 12: Spring Break Shanghai and Divine Secrets of Ya-Ya the Panda and Her Naughty Sisterhood.
Your Daily Dose of “Awwww”: Dog Lulls Baby to Sleep with Melodious Howling
Mar 28, 2010 | Filed Under: Video | Tags: Animal Acts, Awwww
I can’t even handle how adorable this is.
Cat Totally Pwns Baby
Mar 22, 2010 | Filed Under: Video | Tags: Animal Acts, Awwww
This is being billed as “The Cutest Wrestling Match EVER,” but clearly, they never saw André the Giant wrestle Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Now THEY were just adorable.
Monkey Mamas Just as Silly as Human Mamas, Study Shows
Oct 10, 2009 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Animal Acts, Awwww
"Hold still! Gotta get this French braid just right."
In a study of monkey moms and newborns that may shed fresh light on the evolutionary underpinnings of mother-child bonding, National Institutes of Health (NIH) researchers have discovered amazing similarities between how the Rhesus monkeys interact with their newborns compared to humans with theirs.
Fat Camp for Pets
Sep 28, 2009 | Filed Under: Featured,In the News | Tags: Animal Acts
Meet the weight-challenged finalists in Pet Fit Club, the PDSA animal charity’s annual diet competition. The chubster in the picture, Socrates, weighs in at a whopping 22 pounds — or, um, just two more pounds than OUR chubster, Matty:
Awesome Family Photo: Getting Porked
Sep 23, 2009 | Filed Under: Awesome Family Photos,Featured,Other Photos | Tags: Animal Acts, Awesome Family Photos, Sexy Time
“Look, Mom! She’s giving him a piggyback ride!”
“I Can Haz Nikon?”
Aug 13, 2009 | Filed Under: Animals,Featured,In the News,Other Photos | Tags: Animal Acts, Awwww
Ed. note: I would like to preface this story by apologizing for using an Lolcats-type headline. I could not resist, even though I do NOT BELIEVE IN LOLCATS for the simple reason that everyone knows cats are much better spellers than that.
Here to provide your daily dose of “awwwww” is Mr. Squirrel Scene-Stealer, who unexpectedly popped up in this couple’s picture and made it an instant classic. The couple had set the timer on their camera while posing at a Canadian park and, well, I guess the squirrel heard them say “cheese!” and decided to join them for the feast.
The woman said:
“We had our camera set up on some rocks and were getting ready to take the picture when this curious little ground squirrel appeared, became intrigued with the sound of the focusing camera and popped right into our shot.”
The awesome picture was submitted to the National Geographic Web site.
“It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment. We were laughing about this little guy for days!” she smiled.
According to The Laughing Stork’s sources, television producers are already working getting the squirrel his own reality show and recording deal. Which shouldn’t be too hard, considering the squirrely camera lover has a bigger vocabulary and more charisma than Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian combined!
