Advanced Maternal Age (n.)
1. When a mother is age 35 or older at the time of delivery of her baby;
2. The age at which a woman is officially too old to date Jack Nicholson;
3. When an actress reaches the point in her career that she will only be considered for roles such as “Crazy Cat Lady” and “Charlie Sheen’s Mother”;
4. The time in a woman’s life when she must trade in her mini-skirts for Bermuda shorts, according to Glamour magazine’s monthly “What to Wear in Your 20s, 30s, 40s and Beyond (a.k.a. ‘When You Have One Foot in the Grave’)!” column.