18 Fun Facts You Should Know About Bras and Boobs

As new moms, our breasts become a popular topic of conversation.  Are we using them to feed our babies?  They’ve gotten bigger!  They’ve deflated!  What on earth has HAPPENED to them, anyway?  Given how much we discuss these crazy orbs, I thought I would arm us with fun facts to interject into these boob-filled chats.

#1 – Women own, on average, nine bras.  (Eight sexy ones to mollify their husbands and one that they actually wear.)

#2 – Ancient Greeks thought the Milky Way was made from drops of breast milk from the goddess Hera.

#3 – Vogue magazine first used the word “brassiere” in print in 1907.  Only grandmothers and Duggar family members continue to use this word today.

#4 – 36C is today’s average bust size, which has increased from a 34B over the past 15 years.  Which is, no doubt, due to…

#5 – The 290,000 breast enlargement surgeries performed in the U.S. in 2013 alone.

#6 – Most women will change in bra size six times over their lifetime.  (But continue to try to stuff themselves in their old, way-too-small favorite one.)

#7 – According to studies, British women have the largest breasts; 50 percent wear at least a D cup.  (“Hey, want to take a family vacation in London?” –My husband)

#8 – $16 billion was spent on bras worldwide last year.  Apparently, much of that was devoted to investing in enough fabric to cover British women’s breasts.

#9 – The woman with the worlds biggest breast augmentation is a 38KKK.  (“Why, oh why, did she do this?!” — The woman’s lower back)

#10 – There is an NGO that fights for women’s rights to be topless.  (Finally!  A women’s cause that most men wholeheartedly support.)

#11 – The left breast is usually bigger than the right. (Million-dollar idea: Push-up cups for right breasts.)

#12 – The average breast weighs one pound or, approximately, one Olsen Twin.

#13 – In China, you can major in bra studies.  I assume they’re graded on a curve.

#14 – The first push-up bra was introduced in the 1800s. Because, you know, corsets didn’t torture the female body nearly enough.

#15 – The most expensive bra in the world is Victoria’s Secret’s $15 million Red Hot Fantasy bra from 2000.  For that price, Gisele had better come with it.

#16 – In 2008, there were nearly 18,000 breast reductions performed… on men.

#17 – The largest natural breasts recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records are 112 pounds.  No, they are not Simon Cowell’s.

#18 – Implants miraculously saved an Israeli woman from death by Hezbollah rocket attack. During the war, she was wounded in the chest by shrapnel but survived because of her boob job, done two years prior. While the patient is fine, the implant, unfortunately, did not survive. (R.I.P. brave implant)

Source: Brayola

The REAL Reason John Travolta Butchered Idina Menzel’s Name

As everyone who watched the Oscars last night knows — and even everyone who DIDN’T watch the Oscars knows — John Travolta totally butchered Idina Menzel’s name when introducing the Frozen singer last night:

Yes!  “Adele Dazim!”  But I think it’s pretty obvious why John messed it up so badly — he was simply using the TODDLER pronunciation of her name.  Of course!  Heck, toddlers have a way of hilariously mangling tons of words.  Some other things John probably says, based on real-life toddler mispronunciations:

“Hey, I’m going potty!  A little private-seat would be appreciated.”  –John Travolta

“Mmmm!  Yummy pant-cakes!” –John Travolta

“Just taking a little spin in my helipopper!” –John Travolta

“To be honest, the weave is too tight around my head-fore.” –John Travolta

“I could really go for a plate of pisketti and meatballs right now. –John Travolta

 

The Best, The Worst and the Most ‘Frozen’-Inspired Dressed at the 2014 Oscars: As Critiqued by Me, My Husband and My Four-Year Old Daughter

Because when you think of quality family time, you think of judging celebrities’ outfits together.  Also, I should note that I did not prompt or in any other way influence my four-year-old daughter’s responses to the photos.  Turns out, she is a fashion police NATURAL.  (*Sniff* I’ve never been so proud.)

Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani

Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani

4-YEAR-OLD:   Yes.  Looks like it has butterflies on it.

MR. CANDY: Pretty dress, but washes her out.

ME: Looks like she had Britney Spears’ Toxic bodysuit made into a ballgown.

Feeling Guilty About Your Dirty House? These Pictures Will Make You Feel Better.

As you’re kicking Legos and fruit snack wrappers and sippy cups full of rotten milk out of your way en route to the couch, remember:  at least your house doesn’t look like THIS:

#1 - I think they could really use more take-out soda cups.

#2 - Some living rooms are full of dirt.  Others?  Have dirt bikes.

#3 - “Hey, could you put back — oh, never mind.”

#4 - Some people like to sleep under a cozy layer of take-out boxes.

#5 - Somebody should let the boy who plays romantic guitar music that NO girl is going to want to join him in this room.

#6 - Yet another fan of the comfy take-out-container quilt.

#7 - “Sorry, boss, can’t work today because I can’t find my home office.”

#8 - Kitchen counters are the new trashcans.

#9 - Just a few (hundred) of their favorite beauty products.

8 Signs You Have ‘Frozen’ Fatigue

A new survey by mental health professionals has revealed parents around the country are suffering from a debilitating condition called “Frozen Fatigue” — a condition that makes moms and dads feel like they are going to go ABSOLUTELY INSANE if they have to listen to the Frozen soundtrack one more freakin’ time. (Hey, I enjoyed it the first hundred times, but after that…?  I actually told my four-year-old daughter that if she didn’t start using headphones, we were going to have to use her college savings to admit Mommy into a looney bin.)  If you believe that you, too, may have fallen victim to this tragic condition, then you will want to familiarize yourself with the warning signs:

10 Signs You Have a ‘Scandal’ Addiction Problem

"Don't look now, but those people staring at us..? They have a problem."

“Don’t look now, but those people staring at us..? They have a problem.”

I recently made the mistake of starting to watch Scandal on Netflix. As a result, I abandoned my children, husband, work and general hygiene in favor of being glued to my iPad.

But it was SO worth it.

And now that I’m caught up, I thought I’d create a helpful list in anticipation of the show’s return on February 27 — a list that helps you determine if you have a li’l Scandal addiction problem, too. Here are 10 tell-tale signs:

10. You growl at your toddler that he HAS to learn how to pee in the potty because he is a GLADIATOR, dammit!

9. You would give your life for one of Olivia’s white coats.

8. Before sharing the secret to your famous chocolate chip cookies, you sweep your house for bugs.

7. You can’t even LOOK at a power drill without clutching your genitals anymore.

6. All sexual encounters must be conducted in a closet or on the Oval Office desk.

5. When your husband spills beer on the new sofa, you cry, “WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!”

4. Before you fix the time on your parents’ microwave, you put on a white hat.

3. Accidentally double-booked two important work meetings? No problem. YOU CAN FIX THIS. YOU’RE A FIXER.

2. When the automated phone system tell you that you are out of options, you retort, “I am NEVER out of options!”

1. You find yourself creepily staring at people through conference room windows.