Teens Go to Great Lengths to Legitimize Ignoring Their Parents
Aug 17, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Can You Hear Me Now?
"Huh?"
Listen up: A new study in the Journal of the American Medical Association reveals that the proportion of teens in the United States with slight hearing loss has increased 30% in the last 15 years, and the number with more noticeable hearing loss has increased 77%.
The suspected primary cause of this trend? Earbuds.
Uh-oh (writes Candy as she turns off Ludacris and removes the iPhone from her ears).
One in every five teens now has at least a slight hearing loss, which can affect learning, speech perception, social skills development and self-image — as well as really important things, such as the ability to hear low-talkers like Alex McCord on The Real Housewives of New York.
Meanwhile, one in every twenty teens has a more severe loss.
On the bright side, teens now have a valid reason for not listening to their parents.
The N-Word
Aug 17, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Musings
No! Mommy’s shoulder is not for teething purposes.
No! Don’t drink the cats’ water.
No! Pound on daddy‘s laptop instead.
Lately we’ve been saying “no” ’round here even more frequently than we sigh, “The Kardashians are on TV again?!” Oh yes, we say it THAT MUCH.
Miss Skye is no dummy; the one-year-old knows exactly what “no” means: that she should immediately disengage from the cats’ water bowl, smile sweetly to let us know she is an angel who would never intentionally seek out trouble, then wait for us to get distracted so she can finally return to lapping up the cats’ fur-filled water.
Can’t blame her. The kid needs to drink something to wash down the fleshy chunks of my shoulder.
But wait…! According to something I overheard at a party, I am supposed to refrain from saying the N-word anywhere near my child.
“We try to say ‘that’s not for babies’ or ‘that’s not a good idea’ instead of no,” the parent of a 14-month-old divulged to a circle of fellow parents, who all nodded in agreement. “We don’t think it’s good for children to learn that word.”
That word. Said in hushed tones, as if she were referring to something really and truly horrific. Like the flood in Pakistan. Or life without chocolate.
Uh-oh. Only twelve months into this parenting gig, and I am already guilty of teaching my child habits that are universally frowned upon? (Well, besides the Ben & Jerry’s for lunch and Gossip Girl for pre-bedtime entertainment. Also known as Meltdown Preemption. Skye gets very cranky when she’s not kept apprised of the latest in Upper East Side tights and headband trends.) Yet, as Carrie Bradshaw would say, I couldn’t help but wonder… aren’t there times when a firm N-O is necessary and more effective than, say, a shake of my head and tsk-tsk*?
Confused, I turned to the No-Fail, Totally Credible Holy Grail of Parenting for answers. And, when my Google search for “saying no to kids is bad?” proved inconclusive, I turned to my mom.
“You young parents crack me up with your alternative discipline and crap,” Mom responded. “Of course you should say no. Kids have to learn right from wrong.”
“But what if Skye starts saying ‘no’ back to me?”
“Not if. When.”
“Then what?”
“Then I sit back and laugh.”
The take-away here is clear: we all have different parenting techniques — most of them well-intentioned — but kids should learn to say “no,” if only to refuse drugs and to react the inevitable return of acid wash jeans in their lifetime. Also, never seek parental advice from a grandparent. Their only mission is karma-driven revenge.
*To the mother who used this technique when her child kicked the back of my seat for most of a five-hour flight: Next time I am going to SIC MY CHILD ON YOUR SHOULDER.
The Family Stallone
Aug 16, 2010 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture
What beautiful young ladies. Wonder why they’re posing with wax figures…?
Deep Thoughts by Sasha Obama
Aug 16, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Politics | Tags: Barack Obama, Deep Thoughts, Michelle Obama, Sasha Obama
“Yeah, my dad may be kinda dorky, but at least he’s not trying to fist-bump me!”
This is Why I Don’t Go to the Gym
Aug 16, 2010 | Filed Under: Babies,Health & Beauty,Kids
Back in the day when I did participate in group exercise classes, I once made the near-fatal mistake of choosing a spinning bike next to a deodorant-averse European man. That was five years ago. I only recently regained consciousness.
And, if possible, it seems things at the gym have only gotten worse since then.
All I have to say is, if this actually were an effective form of exercise, my husband would have Brad Pitt’s abs from Troy right now.
Buy the Baby Fart Aerobics DVD here! The perfect warm-up for Toddler Burp Pilates.
Guess the Celebrity Baby Photo: Supermodel Edition
Aug 15, 2010 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Celebrity Baby Photos
What an exciting treat I have in store for you. It is Guess the Celebrity Baby Photo — wait for it… wait for it — SUPERMODEL EDITION! Now, I know what you’re thinking: what a scintillating twist on this nail-biter of a game! Oh, indeed.
You know the drill. See if you can guess the famous faces behind these baby/kid photos. Click on the pictures for the answers:
The Chocolate-Lover’s Gene
Aug 15, 2010 | Filed Under: Photoblog | Tags: Ben & Jerry's Addict, Tasty
Somebody seems to have inherited it from her mother. We won’t name names.
Headline of the Day
Aug 14, 2010 | Filed Under: Headline of the Day,In the News
Da-da-da-dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Actually, they can be used to help protect our country. Studies show threatening terrorist suspects with the “tuna surprise” is even more effective than waterboarding.
