Word of the Day: Spill-proof
Aug 19, 2010 | Filed Under: Humor & Satire | Tags: Storktionary, Word of the Day
Spill-proof (adj.)
1. A misnomer created by marketers that have never been within a 20-foot radius of a toddler;
2. A term that should not be confused with “squeeze-proof”;
3. A product guarantee immediately viewed as a challenge by, er, precocious children;
4. The reason I had to change my clothes and my daughter’s clothes, as well as stuff the entire stroller in the washing machine this morning.
Sentence usage:
“Look at how drenched your child is! You must have given her a spill-proof smoothie.”
Parent of the Week So Far
Aug 19, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Parent of the Week So Far
DRUNKEN DAD LETS SON, 12, DO THE DRIVING
Key quote: “He’s driving ’cause I had a little too much to drink. And he needs to learn how to drive sometime.”
Clip of the Day: Out-squawking Kathie Lee and Hoda
Aug 18, 2010 | Filed Under: Television,Video | Tags: Clip of the Day, Got Earplugs?
We know you’re too busy doing important things — i.e., parenting, working, Facebooking — to watch TV all day, so The Laughing Stork hunts down the most insightful and thought-provoking highlights for you.
On this morning’s Today show, producers finally booked a guest who seems to understand Kathie Lee.
The Bad Cat in the Hat
Aug 18, 2010 | Filed Under: Animals,Marcy & Matty,Other Photos,Photoblog | Tags: Bad Cat in the Hat, Revenge
Matty’s litter box aversion has been well-documented on this site. We have attempted to solve his not-so-little problem with everything from a cat whisperer to anti-depressants to threats of feline military school… and Matty has shown his appreciation for our efforts by leaving even bigger “gifts” for us under the plant in the living room. Just like Christmas morning! Gee, thanks for your generosity, Santa Caca.
So I am left with only one remaining option: revenge. Revenge in the form of — you guessed it — CAT HATS. That’s right; I’m going to make this kitty pay for his nasally offensive sins by forcing him to wear humiliating headwear. Thus launching my new photo series, “The Bad Cat in the Hat.”
I like to call this one Pimp Kitty.
Despite telling the lovely cat hat craftswoman that my kitty required an extra-large “Hollywood Hustler,” the hat barely fit Fatty Matty’s head. I cackled as I slipped it on his huge noggin, fully anticipating a miserable cat, and you know what…?
THE DAMN CAT LIKED IT.
Baby Brains: The Breakfast of Champions
Aug 18, 2010 | Filed Under: Funny Baby Pictures,Other Photos | Tags: Food & Nutrition, Nom Nom Nom!
At least the cannibaby‘s parents taught him good manners: never devour your friend unless your tea-pinky is properly extended.
Chocolate Cafe Not So Sweet on Breastfeeding
Aug 18, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: BIPS, Breastfeeding
Hold on to your Hooter Hiders: it’s another BIPS (Breastfeeding in Public Scandal)!
According to the New York Daily News, a Manhattan mom is suing a chocolate cafe for allegedly kicking her out for breastfeeding her 5-month-old daughter –
I’m sorry; let’s just back up a second here. Did they say CHOCOLATE CAFE? Dear God. Belinda Carlisle was right: heaven really is a place on Earth.
Pardon me as I wipe the drool from my chin and try to re-focus…
Okay, so, Julia Acevedo-Taylor claims she and her friend were breastfeeding their “hungry and tired” babies when Lily O’Brien’s Chocolate Cafe’s manager approached them and demanded they “stop doing that.” The moms — who say they were being “as discreet as possible” (their attorney’s translation: no nipple bared) — politely refused and were told to “leave and never come back.”
A tearful Acevedo-Taylor left the cafe immediately and now claims she’s lost her ability to nurse in public.
Huh. I wonder where she lost it? Under her car seat, perhaps?
Here’s the kicker: customers at the store are actually greeted with a small pink sign that reads, “Breastfeeding Welcome Here” and “Beautiful Breastfeeding.”
Ha, haaaa! Just kidding apparently.
When questioned about the incident, Lily’s owner, Cathal Queally, says he’s “all for breastfeeding” and explained that the manager had merely asked one of the moms to be more discreet in response to a few complaining customers.
Upon hearing the news, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger generously declared the ladies are welcome to openly breastfeed at his restaurant, Schatzi on Main, anytime!
Sharks and Toddlers and Bears… Oh My!
Aug 18, 2010 | Filed Under: Defies Categorization | Tags: Best Label Ever
From Pelican, which manufactures waterproof protective cases for electronics:
Mountain lion attack? Fine. But we will NOT cover your savage toddler!
Clearly, the head of their Quality Assurance department is an experienced parent.
Kids Say the Darndest Things
Aug 17, 2010 | Filed Under: Celebrities,Pop Culture | Tags: Crazy Say What?, Taylor Momsen
“Music keeps me young.”
–Taylor Momsen, who just turned 17, in a Spin magazine interview, during which she also describes her fashion sense as “high-class hooker.” Ah, precious youth of today!
