Come on Down, David Spade — You're a BabyDaddy!
Sep 4, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pop Culture | Tags: Babies, David Spade, Sign You're a Douchebag
Congratulations, David Spade! A DNA test has proven you ARE the babydaddy!
Awwww.
Yes, the 45-year-old man who once made a living poking fun at celebrity scandals is now the father of a baby girl — who, initially, he wasn’t convinced was his (also known as “Eddie Murphy Syndrome”) — born last week in Missouri to 23-year-old Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace.
The clearly ecstatic new father’s rep said:
“David and Jillian have been in close contact throughout her pregnancy and he plans to go see the baby during his first break from shooting Rules of Engagement.”
On his first break? How sweet. And he may even splurge on a 7-Up from the studio vending machine for the kid, if she’s lucky.
CandyKirby.com’s sources say David no longer had any doubts about the paternity when the baby arrived sporting a blonde “Rachel.”
Deep Thoughts by Liv Tyler
Sep 4, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pop Culture | Tags: Deep Thoughts, Liv Tyler
“Would it be rude to mention he reminds me of my favorite leather satchel?”
Britney Spears Kicking Off VMAs, Climbing T&A Charts
Sep 4, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pop Culture | Tags: Britney Spears
It’s Britney 2.0, bitch!
After going 42 entire days with nary a head-shaving incident or umbrella rampage, the Britney Spears camp has determined she is well enough to appear at this Sunday’s VMAs, where she is nominated for Video of the Year, Best Pop Video, Best Female Video and Most Mortifying Performance at an Awards Show. (An accolade previously held by Jack Nicholson for communicating via his ass cheeks at the 1998 Golden Globes.) Britney is not expected to perform, but rather kick off the show in a relatively normal manner demonstrating that she is, indeed, back on her meds.
Perhaps most exciting, however, is Britney’s anticipated climb up the T&A charts following her VMAs appearance. Once in the top 10 of esteemed lists such as Maxim’s “Hot 100,” Esquire’s “Sexiest Women Alive” and FHM’s “Hottest Women Alive,” Britney has fallen to the bottom of the Hollywood T&A class in recent years following her marriage to K-Fed and descent into sheer lunacy.
“The ‘sexiest women’ lists have been dominated by the Jessicas — Alba, Simpson and Biel — for the past couple years,” shares noted T&A expert Ludwig Von Breasteses. “A tough trio to crack, for sure. But once Britney shows she’s been hitting the gym and has lost that creepy British accent, she’ll be poised to make an unprecedented comeback on the T&A charts.
“At the very least, we expect her to infiltrate the top five of Illinois Game & Fishs ‘Top Catches’ list this year,” Von Breasteses adds.
Quite an honor, indeed.
Pop Quiz: Brooke Hogan
Sep 3, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pop Culture | Tags: Brooke Hogan, celebutards, Pop Quiz
Brooke Hogan is thinking what in this picture:
1) Where’s dad with some soothing rubbing oil when you need him?;
2) I’m putting the “tramp” in “tramp stamp,” baby!;
3) Wait! It’s supposed to go on my ass, not in –;
4) I haven’t felt this kind of pain since trying to follow an episode of the Simpsons;
5) None of the above. Brooke is thinking _____________.
Tell Her About It
Sep 3, 2008 | Filed Under: Fashion Police, Style | Tags: Open Letters, Stylin'
Oh, Alexa Ray Joel.
Your dad is a Big Shot. As is your mom. So you’re under a lot of Pressure. But, hey, they still love you Just the Way You Are.
Unconditional parental love blah, blah, blah aside, can we chat about something truly important, namely those capri leggings under the shorts? And that sleeveless button-down sweater vest?
I’ll concede You May Be Right. I may be crazy. But something tells me — Don’t Ask Me Why — that you had a bottle of white AND a bottle of red before getting dressed.
Excuse me? Hey, don’t judge me for quoting your father in imaginary online conversations with you, missy. I know it’s weird. But it’s My Life! And I may have, um, had a bottle of white and a bottle red, myself. (Perhaps a bottle of rosé as well instead.)
What a Clbutty Breastle
Sep 3, 2008 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pop Culture
A recent study of the effectiveness of “offensive language” software filters reveals it may be turning normal words into pure gibberish — and into pure entertainment!
Rest buttured — we’ll idenbreastify all of the clbuttic offenders.
The phenomena, known as “The Clbuttic Mistake” after a mangling of the word “classic” that is believed to be the first identified instance of the problem, can be found on tens of thousands of Web sites.
The error is caused by poorly programmed anti-obscenity filters –- similar to spell checkers, which, I must note, also tend to be poorly programmed –- that automatically replace words considered rude with more acceptable variants. “Butt” replaces “ass,” “breast” is substituted for “tit,” etc.
So Barack Obama didn’t really graduate Magna Orgasm Laude with his fellow Harvard clbuttmates? What a bummer for Michelle.
The problem is fairly widespread; Google searches turn up 3,810 results for “clbuttic,” 5,120 for “consbreastution,” and 1,450 for “Buttociated Press,” which must please the Associated Press to no end.
One of my favorite mix-ups: The American Family Association programmed its filter to replace “gay” with “homosexual,” causing an article about sprinter Tyson Gay at the U.S. Olympic trials to begin: “Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.” The piece also referred to the sprinter as “the 25-year-old Homosexual.”
And he wondered why the ladies breasttered at his advances.
