Yahoo! Answers: The World’s Most Reliable Source of Pregnancy and Parenting Information
Aug 23, 2010 | Filed Under: Humor & Satire | Tags: Yahoo Answers
As a new mother, I have frequently tapped into THE most reliable source of medical advice in the universe: the World Wide Web. Because everybody knows the Internet only dispenses information that is one-hundred-percent accurate.
This is especially true of Yahoo! Answers, where “you can ask questions on any topic and get answers from real people.” In fact, I was so impressed with the insightful questions and breadth of knowledge on this question-and-answer site, that I’ve decided to highlight the true gems in an ongoing column.
(Ed. note: Perhaps she needed something to chase the gasoline she inadvertently chugged at breakfast?)
Perfect for the Formal Dining Room: Placenta Prints
Aug 23, 2010 | Filed Under: Weird But True | Tags: Interior Design
For those new mothers who prefer to admire their afterbirth on the wall, rather than devour it in a panini or cuddle with it in a teddy bear:
The sales pitch: “I make your prints before I wash and prepare the placenta. They are printed with the natural placenta blood on acid-free artists paper. . . For an additional fee of $5, I can also make large placenta prints that are suitable for framing.”
Oh dear. Despite the compelling offer, there is no WAY could I allow that into my house — I mean, it would totally clash with my dried umbilical cord drapery rings.
And This is the Smart One
Aug 23, 2010 | Filed Under: Marcy & Matty | Tags: Huh?
It is 90 degrees here, an unusually sweltering temperature for Los Angeles. In fact, it’s so hot I saw two trees fighting over a dog on my walk this morning. True story.
Our townhouse has four levels, three of which have air conditioning. So, naturally, where have Marcy and her ten pounds of fur been sleeping all day…?
That’s right: the sauna-like top floor, directly in the sunlight. Hmmmm. Perhaps she is trying to sweat off a few pounds of kibble to get her figure bikini-ready…?
Spaghetti al Bambino
Aug 23, 2010 | Filed Under: Funny Baby Pictures,Other Photos | Tags: Nom Nom Nom!, Tasty
“They’ll never notice if a noodle — or five — goes missing…”
With thanks to my friend, Chris, for sharing this picture of his adorable son, CJ, who also happens to be Skye’s future husband
Etiquette Lesson: Why You Should Always Tip the Midwife
Aug 21, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Weird But True | Tags: Ouch
[Ed. note: No word on whether everything came out okay in the end.]
Candy’s TGIF Strawberry Shortcake Martini
Aug 20, 2010 | Filed Under: Food,TGIF Drinks | Tags: Tasty
If you heard a disturbingly loud moan coming from the Western part of the nation this afternoon, it was probably me after sampling this week’s drink. Yes, perhaps I become too intimately involved with my cocktails, but…
Oh. Dear. Lord. This is a good one.
And, boy, do I ever need it. It’s been one of Those Weeks. You know about Those Weeks. This week was marked with a fussy, feverish baby whose immune system was fighting off the effects of the MMR vaccine — yeah, the poor thing could probably use a cocktail, too, but Cheerios will have to suffice — and who has entered the ol’ “separation anxiety” phase, refusing to leave my side for even one second. If I so much as think about going to the bathroom by myself, she SCREEEAAAMS.
*SIGH* What is it with chicks always wanting to go to the bathroom with other chicks? This is why I de-sisterized from my college sorority.
And here is why I joined a sorority in the first place: access to good alcohol.
STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE MARTINI
INGREDIENTS
- 1.25 oz. Stoli Strasberi (which I could not find, so I used Strawberry Smirnoff instead)
- 1.25 oz. Chambord
- 1.25 oz. Baileys
- A dash of cream (for which I substituted Skye’s whole milk… hey, it’s not like she needs the calcium, right?)
- Strawberries
- Graham Crackers
INSTRUCTIONS
Shake all (liquid) ingredients with ice. Strain into a martini glass. Instead of graham crackers, I bought a graham cracker crust and used a peeler along the edges, which yielded the same result as crushing it — then rimmed the glass with the crust. I may or may not have also stuck my finger in that crushed crust and licked it off like a five-year-old. Garnish the glass with a strawberry and…
… Sneak into a bathroom by yourself, quickly close the door behind you, oh-so-leisurely sip your drink, and ignore your toddler’s cries outside the door. Happy TGIF.
This is Why Educators Should Stick to Bashing Their Students in the Teachers’ Lounge
Aug 20, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Teacher loses job after describing students as “germ bags” and parents as “snobby” and “arrogant” on Facebook. I’m guessing her Twitter feed can be read at the equally subtle @MyStudentsAreDoucheBags. [ABC News]
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to design kids’ clothing line. Offerings will include a miniature Gothic blood vial necklace. Awwww. Adorable! [E! Online]
Pregnancy tests to become available in vending machines. Because who doesn’t like a pee stick with their afternoon bag of SunChips? [The Frisky]
Miranda Kerr confirms she’s four months pregnant with Orlando Bloom‘s child. The Universe is smiling, “Yes, these people should reproduce together.” [Us Weekly]
Ten iconic animated character dresses. Which shed light on an important fact I’d previously overlooked: Wilma Flintstone is a total MILF. [Teeny Manolo]
Octo-Mom: “I’ve written a book!” Best of all, she’s offering a free kid with each purchase! [Radar]
Mom proudly shows off her 43-pound 10-month-old baby boy. Key quote: “His most favorite thing is to eat.” [Daily Mail]
JC Penney Portrait Studios’ “Dorothy Hamill” Package
Aug 19, 2010 | Filed Under: Awesome Family Photos,Other Photos
Sadly, Dad didn’t get the windbreaker memo.
[Photo source: AFP]
