(Not that I know anything about being a drunk college student. *Ahem*) 10. They have no problem passing out in strange places...Read More
You know those ubiquitous “MY CHILD IS AN HONOR STUDENT AT BLAH-BLAH MIDDLE SCHOOL” bumper stickers? Well, I was...Read More
#8 – “You’re serving juice boxes, too? Heck, why don’t you just let the kids SNORT sugar? Ha, haaaa!”
#7 – “It’s cute that they let us bring gifts. We always ask for donations to charity instead, but whatever. I guess you can’t spoil a child too much. Ha, haaaa!”
#6 – “Oh, face painting! Should be fun getting that paint out of their clothes. Ha, haaaa!”
#5 – “I wonder if they’ll send thank you cards THIS year. Just kidding. Ha, haaaa!”
#4 – “Funny how they scheduled the party during naptime. When the kids start going ballistic, they’ll have no one to blame but themselves. Ha, haaaa!”
#3 – “Being at this party here really makes me appreciate having a big backyard for entertaining. Ha, haaaa!”
#2 – “Looks like the birthday girl dressed herself. Ha, haaaa!”
#1 – “Seriously, though. ALL THE SUGAR. Our kids are NEVER going to go to sleep. Ha, haaaa!”
Anyone who has so much as glanced at a tabloid in the past six months knows that actor Shia LaBeouf has been acting, um, curiously lately. In fact, it seems he’s regressed into a toddler — no offense to my toddler. Some similarities I’ve noticed:
See? This is why I NEVER clean under my sofa cushions. It’s for my own safety, really.
Some news that chilled me to the core: Morgan Stanley Research reveals there is a WINE SHORTAGE, people, with global production falling five percent and worldwide consumption rising one percent. I’m no fancy mathematician or anything, but by my calculations, that means I need to stop sharing my wine. (Okay, okay, you’re right… I need to continue not sharing my wine.)
So what can you to to help during this crisis? The Laughing Stork experts share ways to pitch in:
1. Reinvent your monthly “Moms Who Need Wine” meet-up into “Moms Who Need Vodka.”
2. Plant a grape vine in loving memory of a Cabernet Sauvignon that is no longer with us.
3. Remove the wine from your Chicken and Red Wine Sauce dish to reduce your consumption of the endangered drink. Also, because killing the alcoholic content with heat is just cruel.
4. For the love of fermented grapes, do NOT waste wine by being classy and spitting it out at tastings.
5. We know you’re busy, but take a moment out of your day to let your wine know how much you love it — because you never know when it could be gone.