Anna Paquin says, “Ole!”

Oh, look!  January Jones’ breasts are covered with cocktail umbrellas, which would have landed her on the best dressed list, if only she’d had the decency to put them in a Mai-Tai for me.

Glee‘s Naya Rivera is looking quite, er, DRAMATIC, no?  Her hair alone is taller than Ryan Seacrest.  True story.

Poor Kristen Wiig.  Dontcha just hate it when birds take up residence on your shoulders?

Eva LaRue, now starring in CSI:  Hoochieville.

Claire Danes, who I’ve noticed perpetually cocks her head to the left, is a glowing, radiant, happy-looking golden girl from head to toe.  Angela Chase would not approve.

Well, hello there, Jane Lynch!  Way to successfully make the cross-over from worst to best dressed.  The tabloid style pages will be SINGING your praises.  (See what I did there?)  Well-done.  Well-done, indeed.

Um, Kelly Osbourne, is that you?  You look fabulous, surprisingly chic and full of old-school glamour, but I think you left a few of your curves in the limo.

Dexter‘s Julie Benz killed it in her form-fitting white dress.

Glee‘s Lea Michele looks adorable.  And you just know she’s been practicing her requisite hands-on-hips red carpet pose in the mirror for months.

Well, that’s ONE way to upstage your brother at his own movie premiere.

SERAPHINA:  Oooohhhhh, shiny!  Wait — are those my shorts?!

SURI:  A shorts suit, Gwyneth?  With Ace-bandaged feet?  Are you serious?  If you’re going to go with Armani, then you really should have worn the cocktail dress composed entirely of silk chiffon roses from his latest collection at Milan Fashion Week — not something a Vegas cocktail waitress pushing gin-and-tonics at Circus Circus would wear.  *Le Sigh*  GROWN-UPS ARE SO STUPID.

Seraphina Affleck, Hollywood Newcomer

Suri Cruise, Certified Mini-Fashionista

Finally!  A maternity skirt that shows the world what your pregnant stomach looks like, takes an hour to lace up AND trips you with its extra-long string.  If there’s anything a bloated pregnant lady with incontinence and no center of gravity needs, this is it!

[via Regretsy]

Perhaps Dad could use a new outfit.  This one would be perfect for yard work!

Thanks/blame goes to reader Cowgirl in the Sand, who made the mistake of alerting me to an Etsy shop with nothing but ridiculously adorable baby bonnets.  It’s like telling a food addict that it’s all-you-can-eat pancakes season at IHOP.  RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

Hat available at Urban Baby Bonnets

Because, you know, Madonna needs to pay the bills somehow!

And Madge is promoting the “Material Girl” line pretty hard, telling Us Weekly that she agreed to work on the teen line because:

“I did a line for H&M, which I enjoyed, but it was a lot of work.  I thought, I don’t want to give up the rest of my careers, so I’m not going to do my own line again. But I have a 13-year-old with tireless energy who wanted to do this. I’ve been involved in business meetings, but Lola’s really doing the work. I just sit in the corner on my BlackBerry!”

Sounds exactly like my teenage relationship with my mom.  Only without my own clothing line, business meetings and my mom communicating with her teenage boyfriend some space-age gadget.  Otherwise, totally parallel lives.

Madonna says her daughter’s style “is inspired by kids she sees in hip-hop and ballet classes, European influences, bands she listens to. You could say it’s in the DNA — but I could never tell her how to dress! She also comes to my photo and video shoots, pulls outfits together and gives her input to a lot of my fashion-designer friends. Whether it’s Marc Jacobs or Stella McCartney, they always ask her what she thinks.”

And I’m sure when Marc and Stella ask Lourdes for her style advice, they aren’t trying to kiss up to Madonna at all!

By the time Willow finished lacing her shoes, she was actually old enough to attend the AARP Awards instead.  True story.

Somebody should have told Salma there would be an open bar at the party before she smuggled in a couple half-kegs.