Pregnancy
New Over-the-Counter DNA Paternity Test Answers the Question: Who’s Yo’ Baby Daddy?
Jul 20, 2009 | Filed Under: In the News,Pregnancy | Tags: Baby Daddy
It’s a question many “active” pregnant women, especially on soap operas, have asked themselves:
Who’s the Baby Daddy?
It’s okay if you’re not sure. Women are expected to juggle the demands of home and work — how can we possibly keep track of all of our sexual partners on top of that? Or under that. Or behind that. Whatever the case may have been; that’s for you and The McKinley Pub men’s restroom stall to know.
Fortunately, the first over-the-counter paternity test kit will be on sale within weeks to answer any lingering uncertainty. For just $50, plus $200 to receive the results, confused moms and potential fathers can get a collection kit — with which they swab the inside of the cheeks of the child, dude and, optionally, the mother — to determine Baby Daddy status without the hassle of going to court or Jerry Springer.
The test is 99.9 percent reliable… which is more than we can say for that condom that was used!
Top 10 Signs You Are SO Done With This Pregnancy
Jul 17, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Featured,Pregnancy | Tags: Stick a Fork in Me, Top 10 List
10. You walk by a homeless man who whistles, “You’re obviously carrying twins! Congrats!” (Thank you for that, Mr. Homeless Man. Did wonders for my ego.)
9. You have permanently changed your address to “The Bathroom, Los Angeles, CA”
The Slow Leak
Jul 15, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Featured,Pregnancy | Tags: Fun with Pregnancy
Oh my god, people.
I wasn’t even going to write about yesterday’s experience because, well, it’s kinda gross. Also, I feel completely spent and foolish. But then I realized we’ve already bonded over my prematurely celebratory mucus plug ejection — whether you wanted to or not — so, really, there’s no sense in holding back at this point.
Another Bonus of Pregnancy
Jul 13, 2009 | Filed Under: Pregnancy,Style | Tags: Work It
The gorgeous maternity swimwear* options:
Pop Quiz: Pregnancy Portrait That Makes You Go, “Hmmmm”
Jul 10, 2009 | Filed Under: Awesome Family Photos,Other Photos,Pregnancy | Tags: Hmmmm, Pop Quiz
This couple is:
1) Recreating the night they conceived;
2) Looking down and realizing her water broke;
3) Posing for this year’s Christmas Card (you’re welcome, Grandma!);
4) Giving whole new meaning to “child support”;
5) Making the photographer seriously reconsider his career choice;
6) None of the above. They are _____________.
p.s. Mr. Candy and I once toured an open house in the Pacific Palisades where the couple had a similar photo — with LESS modesty — hanging proudly on their living room wall. Needless to say, we handled it with the utmost maturity: by pointing and giggling incessantly.
[Source]
Baby Shower Cakes: So Real You Can Taste It
Jul 6, 2009 | Filed Under: Featured,Humor & Satire,Pregnancy | Tags: Baby Shower Cakes
Behold this disturbingly realistic baby shower cake from British sugar artist Michelle Wibowo. (Ed. note: If I had a title as cool as “sugar artist,” I would require that everybody address me as such, like a doctor. “Hi, I’m Sugar Artist Candy Kirby. But you can just call me Sugar Artist Kirby…”). It is SO real-looking, in fact, that it’s a baby cake only Jeffrey Dahmer could truly enjoy digging into.
Pregnancy Food Cravings and What They Mean
Jul 2, 2009 | Filed Under: Featured,Humor & Satire,Pregnancy
Food: Sour Patch Kids
What it means: Your maternal instinct is telling you to eat small, sugar-coated children. Seek professional help immediately.
The Hallelujah Report: Doctors Say No Rush to Lose Pregnancy Weight
Jun 30, 2009 | Filed Under: Featured,In the News,Pregnancy | Tags: Beauty, Health
On more than one occasion, when I would tell a friend that I was pregnant, s/he would exclaim, “Congratulations!” followed soon thereafter by a supposedly reassuring, “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll lose the weight quickly!”
No pressure or anything.
And it’s no wonder people have such crazy expectations these days, what with Heidi Klum walking the freakin’ Victoria’s Secret catwalk just two months after popping out her second baby and Nicole Kidman looking like she’d never carried more than a Skittle in her flat, tiny belly.
