Pop Culture
Toddlers & Tiaras recap: “We like this life. I don’t want a normal life. This is the life that I love.”
Jun 25, 2010 | Filed Under: Pop Culture | Tags: Live Blogging, Toddlers & Tiaras
:01 – Welcome to Jonesboro, Arkansas, home of America’s Best Pageant. We open with the pageant director, who tells us this is a “low-glitz” pageant where “five-year-olds should look like five-year-olds…”
Looks like someone didn’t get the memo.
:01 – Speaking of whom… Meet Jasmine, 5, who informs us she is a “glitz girl.” You don’t say.
:03 – Lauren, 7, has her own “glitz entourage.” Something she and Elton John have in common. “If I don’t win a crown, it makes me sad,” says Lauren. Awww. But surely her parents will tell her there is more to life than winning…
:03 – “My 7-year-old little girl Lauren is big crown-bound and we’re gonna rock it out,” exclaims Lauren’s mom. Well, so much for that.
:05 – Taleah, 3, is a “rising star in the pageant world,” according to her mother. She admits the family would probably live in a bigger home if pageants didn’t cost so much. In less than a year, she has invested at least $15,000. But, hey, toddler pageants are a higher priority than shelter! Taleah’s mom grows starry-eyed: It’s “like this is her destiny.” I think it’s fair to say Gandhi is to freedom what Taleah is to sequins.
:05 – Jasmine models her new pageant costume:
See? Pageants even teach history to the little ones! Here, Jasmine is honoring Native Americans: The Village People Years.
The Mom and Pop Culture Report: Gosselin Kids Rake in the Dough; Harrison and Calista Get Hitched
Jun 16, 2010 | Filed Under: Pop Culture | Tags: Mom and Pop Culture Report
Your at-a-glance roundup of pop culture news. Because mamas need to know the status of Gwyneth Paltrow’s weight, too! [CURRENT STATUS: "It sometimes goes up a little." Fascinating! Don't leave us hanging like that. Tell us more!]
Gosselin kids earn more than Jon on Plus Eight. Hopefully, that money is being put away… for their future therapy bills. [PopEater]
Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart get married after eight years of dating. Geesh! What’s the rush, guys? [TMZ]
Megan Fox is engaged to David Silver once again. In response, their families said, “Nice try, guys, but we’re not getting you ANY MORE ENGAGEMENT GIFTS.” [Us]
Chris Klein busted for DUI, blowing almost three times the legal limit. Wow. Police plan to book him when he wakes up next year. [TMZ]
Porn star Devon James claims Tiger Woods is father of her 9-year-old child. Warning: Article contains dangerously bad “Tiger cub” pun. [NY Daily News]
Elton John “a little surprised” by invite to perform at Rush Limbaugh’s wedding. Because Rush seems like more of a Hip-Hop kind of guy. [People]
Miley Cyrus on Perez Hilton posting pantyless pic: “That’s like, some idiot being an idiot — that’s not me, you know what I’m saying?” Um, like, no, not really. [Billboard]
Extreme Makeover: Poodle Edition
Jun 15, 2010 | Filed Under: Television | Tags: Animal Acts, Just Wrong
If you’ve ever wondered what happens when topiary gardeners go rogue, check out TLC’s new show, Extreme Poodles.
The show, which is basically the canine equivalent of Toddlers & Tiaras, proves why some dogs should get their owners spayed or neutered. At the very least, I urge these poodles to lobby Congress for stricter shear control laws.
The Mom and Pop Culture Report: Lindsay’s SCRAM; Madonna and Gwyneth’s Falling Out; Tori’s Paranoia
Jun 10, 2010 | Filed Under: Pop Culture | Tags: Celebrity News Roundup
- Dina Lohan reveals that: 1) Lindsay may appear on Celebrity Apprentice; and 2) Lindsay’s SCRAM bracelet was activated because “somebody spilled an alcoholic beverage on it.” Phew! That’s a relief. Because if Lindsay had actually taken responsibility for it, we’d have to prepare for the Apocalypse! [Radar]
- Madonna and “jealous” BFF Gwyneth Paltrow had a “falling out.” Hmmm… wonder whose side planted that story? [Us Weekly]
- Tom Cruise to make Les Grossman film. Grossman’s body hair expected to receive its own credit and trailer. [EW]
- Tori Spelling admits to cheating paranoia. Well, it’s not like Dean has ever cheated on his wife before — oh, never mind. [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Style Network picks up Giuliana & Bill for third season. Stay tuned for more nail-biting scenes, like whether they’re able to fit their new leather couch in the den! Da-da-da-dummmmmmm. [LA Times]
- Real Housewives of New Jersey star Danielle Staub claims her sex tape will move more copies than Kendra Wilkinson’s. Dare to dream big. [TMZ]
Toddlers & Tiaras Recap: “You Have to Be Beautiful to Be Able to Do Things”
Jun 10, 2010 | Filed Under: Pop Culture,Television | Tags: Live Blogging, Toddlers & Tiaras
:01 – We open with the Pageant Director for the Director’s Choice 2010 in Arkansas. Smiling wickedly, he says pageants can bring out the worst in moms.
They bring out something, all right.
:02 — We meet 5-year-old Lexie. “Pageants make me feel pretty,” Lexie reveals, adding that she wants to be a pageant princess like her mom (see above) was. Turns out, her mom is not only a pageant veteran, but also an advocate of healthy attitudes: “Pageants are a competition and you go there to win,” says Lexie’s mom. “I don’t care who it hurts… as long as she’s there and she’s winning. Lexie will be competing till she wins Miss America in 2014.” And in therapy in 2015!
:03 – Zander, a five-year-old boy, informs us that he’s a “pageant diva.” He’s been making the rounds on the circuit since he was a baby. INSERT RIDICULOUSLY CUTE BABY ZANDER PAGEANT PHOTO HERE:
“I don’t like to lose because my mom might be sad,” Zander says of pageants. You can practically hear hearts breaking across the country, one by one, when he says this. But not his mom’s…! Beaming, Zander’s mom says she knew there “was something different about him from Day One.” He always wanted to entertain people. She claims he is so good at pageants, that people back out of pageants when they see he is there. “I want to win this pageant so bad,” Zander exclaims.
:05 – We’re introduced to Carissa, 21 months, whom her mom describes as “spunky.” CUT TO: Carissa throwing her hair bow on the ground. Yeah, I think we all know what “spunky toddler” is code for. Sybil was based on such a personality trait, I believe.
:06 – Lexie’s mom says she’s always wanted a little girl to put on stage and “prance around.” In that case, she should have just bought a pony. Lexie’s mom also matter-of-factly shares how much they are spending on this pageant: New dress? $1100. New swimsuit? $375. Combined with pageant and travel fees, they have splashed out more than three grand. Again, a pony probably would have been cheaper.
:07 – Carissa’s mom laments the time they went to a pageant and got really, really low scores. “Like somebody telling me my kid looks like a dog,” her mom cries. Yes, how awful that people are judging your kid’s looks! Who asked ‘em, anyway? Oh, wait…
:11 – Zander gets a manicure, picks green nail polish. “Anything that pampers Zander, Zander likes,” his mom smiles. Kid’s got the right idea.
:13 – Carissa and her mom get their nails done. Her mom thinks pageants will help Carissa be more confident. “Whenever she wins, I feel accomplished because I know that my daughter’s beautiful. You have to be beautiful to be able to do things.”
That should be the preface to a self-esteem book for girls. Seriously.
:13 – Lexie’s mom takes her for spray tan. Probably the 50th time the five-year-old has gotten a spray tan. “I like to get tanned dark because I look like a princess,” Lexie declares. Yes! A princess from MTV’s Jersey Shore.
“Stand up and show daddy how you’re going to shake it,” says Lexie’s mom. Nothing disturbing about that! Nope, nothing disturbing at all.
:14 — We see that Lexie’s dad made her a “Barbie Box” — an actual box that Lexie will stand in while wearing her $375 Barbie-like bikini — for the Outfit of Choice competition. Nothing disturbing about that! Nope, nothing disturbing at all.
:26 – DISASTER! Carissa, 2, freezes at the pageant. She runs off the stage.
This woman is unimpressed.
Willow Smith Takes a Page from the Kid ‘n Play-Slash-MC Hammer Style Book
Jun 8, 2010 | Filed Under: Pop Culture,Style | Tags: Stylin', Willow Smith
Well, that’s ONE way to upstage your brother at his own movie premiere.
Toddlers & Tiaras Play-by-Play: “Where’d My Ni-Ni Goooooo?!”
Jun 3, 2010 | Filed Under: Featured,Pop Culture,Television | Tags: Live Blogging, Toddlers & Tiaras
In the Season 3 premiere of Toddlers & Tiaras…
:01 – The Le Maison de Paris (or, in proper French, La Maison) pageant director says we should expect to see lots of beautiful girls, beautiful faces, beautiful smiles.. and lots of happy little girls at the end of this pageant!
Clearly, she hasn’t met Makenzie yet.
:01 – Why is the Louisiana-based pageant called Le Maison de Paris? The pageant director explains: “So many people would like to see Paris… Louisiana, French, it goes together. That is our native. You know. That is our, um, language… here.”
She had me at “that is our native.”
:02 – We meet 4-year-old Makenzie. “I am a beauty queen,” she smiles, adding that she needs to be in pageants because “you get to dress in fancy clothes.” Awwww. What a sweet girl. Then her tiara falls off. Makenzie SCREEEEAAAMS. Whoa.
:03 – “I do whatever I want to,” the little diva smirks as she huffs and puffs and bosses her mom around. Somewhere, Tyra and Mariah are bowing down to this girl. Her mom explains that she’s an only child. OH! OKAY! No wonder. Carry on then.
:04 – Six-year-old Daisy makes her show debut. Her mom crows that all little girls like to get spray tans and glue five-foot eyelashes to their eyes. And Daisy…? She also likes to shake her booty to Hip-Hop like she’s a back-up dancer for Snoop Dogg.
:05 – Alex, 9, has been in more than 300 pageants. Which, if she started competing the day she was born, equals about 33 pageants a year. I’m happy to report Alex enjoys competing for all the right reasons:
Money, money, money. “You did really good there. Look at that little hunk of money!” her mom compliments her, as they get nostalgic looking at this picture from a past pageant. A real heart-tugger, for sure. Alex even has jeans with her likeness painted on them, surrounded by dollar signs and the words, “Give me the dough!” And people think pageants send the wrong message to kids. Pishaw!
See? Even Santa Claus approves this message.
The Mom and Pop Culture Report: Khole Kardashian is Pregnant; Charlie Sheen is Jailed; Miley Cyrus is Half-Dressed
Jun 1, 2010 | Filed Under: Pop Culture | Tags: Mom and Pop Culture Report
Your at-a-glance roundup of recent pop culture news. Because mamas need to know the status of Lindsay Lohan’s wisdom teeth, too! [STATUS: GONE! SO EXCITING!]
Khloe Kardashian reportedly two months pregnant. Oh goody! Why, just the other day I was thinking, You know what this world needs? MORE KARDASHIANS! [Radar]
After forty years of marriage, Al and Tipper Gore separate. Tipper cites growing apart, irreconcilable boredom. [Politico]
Miley Cyrus asks herself WWBD (What Would Britney Do?), wears just a satin bustier to perform for tween audience. [E!]
Charlie Sheen will serve 30 days in jail in plea deal. No word on whether he’s allowed conjugal visits from his blow-up dolls. [People]
Glee‘s Jane Lynch weds girlfriend. I wonder if she wore the traditional white tracksuit? [Us Weekly]
Shrek stomps Sex and the City 2 at the box office. Yeah, when you’re beaten by a cartoon ogre, it’s time to hang up your stilettos. [PopEater]
