Forget the Ferber Method.  Your baby will go to sleep, guaranteed, with the Moonshine Ritual!

[Photo Source:  Miami Herald]

Want a free babysitter for a night out? Under Kirstin’s picture, it said: I’m in BIG trouble for missing my curfew, and my parents are making me provide 30 hours of free babysitting as punishment. My pain is your gain, so call.

Because, you know, who WOULDNT want a resentful, party-throwing teenager watching their precious bundles of joy!

If Skye ever pulls this kind of shenanigan*, I’m going to punish her with a frightening deterrent.  Like forcing her to watch the home movies of me playing with the Harrisburg Youth Symphony on repeat.  Or sampling my bi-annual attempt at cooking.

*Just WRITING that word added twenty years to my life

And, if possible, it seems things at the gym have only gotten worse since then.

All I have to say is, if this actually were an effective form of exercise, my husband would have Brad Pitt’s abs from Troy right now.

Buy the Baby Fart Aerobics DVD here! The perfect warm-up for Toddler Burp Pilates.

Key quote:  “The day 10-year-old Jack Singer wore 215 pairs of tighty whitey underwear was the most exciting day of his life.”

Homemade baby gift idea: This mobile is beautifully adorned with pictures of Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn, and, of course, a fishing lure.

Because what baby isn’t soothed by the idea of reeling in a big ’70s country music singer?

[Source:  Flickr]

Not to mention that poor little old lady you mowed down in the process. (Grandma is never going to forgive you for that.)

Well, get a grip! Literally. With the new Bugaboo iPhone holder that helps you get a better grip on your Cameleon or Bee and your phone, giving you the freedom to stroll-and-text, stroll-and-talk, stroll-and-rock-out, stroll-and-navigate and, yes, stroll-and-Tweet.

Be sure to Tweet this: Bugaboo is contributing 1% of total revenue to the Global Fund to help eliminate AIDS in Africa. And, let’s face it: the only thing that feels better than the smooth ride of a Bugaboo is the joy that comes from trying to help others.

Available at Bugaboo.com and other online retail stores; $24.95

Well, as easy as it can be, considering you’re also lugging a diaper bag, toys, blankets, what remains of your sanity…

The bassinet feature has also been redesigned to offer baby additional padding, while the seat feature features more space for the quickly growing tot. Knowing that ease is key for harried parents, they’ve also made the stroller easier to open and close. The rest of the Skate, however, is the similar to last year’s version: The bassinet can stand alone and offers a 3-position height adjustment plus an adjustable backrest. Aaahhh. Meanwhile, the reversible seat allows baby to face parents or, if he grows tired of you making googly eyes at him, you can turn him around to see our crazy world.

The company’s Primo Viaggio SIP 30-30 car seat (sold separately) can be attached directly to the frame with the included adapters. Best of all, the stroller has a “one-hand” folding system that you’ll appreciate as you also juggle that diaper bag, baby, toys and, of course, the crumbs of your sanity.

With the Skate, you’ll be gliding around the neighborhood in style in no time. (See what we did there?)

Available at BabiesRUs.com among other online retail stores; $699.99

At least two-year-olds are cute (says Candy before her kid reaches the terrible twos/threes… We’ll see how “cute” I think it is when Skye is kicking and screaming in Target’s toiletries aisle because I wouldn’t let her buy a razor).

According to a survey of 2,000 mothers and fathers of children over the age of 18, 14-year-old daughters are the most difficult to parent because of their desire to grow up too quickly, their demands for greater freedom and peer pressure to be thin.

Yup, that sounds about right.  Pretty sure that’s also the age at which I perfected the Disgusted Eye Roll and Frustrated Sigh.

Fifteen-year-old boys are no piece of cake either, say those surveyed.  Although parents were frustrated by the teens’ “bad” behavior, two-thirds of them chalked it up to raging hormones.

“We have to remember that as well as being the worst age for the parents, the teenage years are also the most difficult for the children themselves,” said Kathryn Crawford of TheBabyWebsite.com, which carried out the survey.

The best thing parents can do, says Candy, the clueless publisher of TheLaughingStork.com, is try to keep the lines of communication open and stock up on a lot of alcohol.

Babies eat an average of 15 pounds of cereal in his/her first year of solid foods.

Based on The Laughing Stork’s primary research, approximately 14 pounds of that cereal will end up on the baby’s face:

Stay tuned for more fun facts!

[Fun Fact Source:  Completely random, unreliable baby sites Candy came across]

Although it is generally well-known that breast-fed infants are at risk for vitamin D deficiency, the study findings suggest that most babies will require a supplement regardless of how they’re fed.  Among formula-fed babies, fewer than 37 percent consume the recommended amount.

Researchers say the consequences may not be apparent for many years, but they could be serious.  In children, too little vitamin D has been associated with bone softness and an increased risk of heart disease later in life, among other health problems.

So what does this mean for new parents?  Talk with your baby’s doc about vitamin D supplements.

“Most infants will require a vitamin D supplement to reach the new AAP recommendations, while in the past we only thought that breast-fed infants would need supplementation,” says the lead author of the study. “Formula-fed infants would need to consume a liter of formula a day to meet the new recommendations, and most infants don’t do that – especially those who are being fed with both formula and breast milk.”

Although it takes just 10 to 15 minutes of sun exposure for the body to produce a day’s worth of vitamin D, the AAP discourages sun exposure for infants younger than 6 months, and advises the use of sunscreen after that.

We use the Enfamil Tri-Vi-Sol Supplement Vitamins.  Skye doesn’t seem to mind the taste of the drops.  Mmmm-mmmm, good!  It can also stain clothes if there’s spillage, so be sure your baby’s wearing some sort of bib when you dispense it.  Although it COULD be a good excuse to “accidentally ruin” that ruffled panda clown shirt that your Great Aunt Patty so thoughtfully bought for the kid.