Break out the Pampers and stopwatches:  Research shows that women take an average of 2 minutes and 5 seconds to change a baby’s diaper, whereas the average man re-wraps a babe in only 1 minute and 36 seconds.

Behaviorist Corinne Sweet explains the difference:

“Changing baby is essentially a mechanical process, men approach it like a pit stop; they want it over as quickly as possible.”

And I guess us women LOVE changing diapers so much, that we draw it out as long as possible.

No word on the, er, quality of the diapering results.

Stay tuned for more fun facts!

“If it’s a boy, are you going to circumcise him?” my friends wanted to know.  “Um, I assume so, why?” I asked cluelessly.

Of course, once it became relevant to me, I started paying more attention to the growing debate:  some parents flatly refuse to circumcise their sons, believing it is “barbaric”; some parents rush to circumcise their sons; and yet others are utterly conflicted over what they should do.

I still believe I would.  But if I had given birth to a boy, who knows what we would have done once confronted with the reality of the situation?

Further fueling the debate is the group Intact America, an organization formed to change how Americans think about neonatal male circumcision, which has asked Massachusetts lawmakers to outlaw infant male circumcision.

Supporters of the proposed ban describe the procedure as “unnecessary, painful and risky.”  Georganne Chapin, executive director of the group, said the procedure is also unethical because the infant cannot give his consent.

Naturally, religious groups oppose the bill because it has no religious exemption.

Although studies have linked circumcision to a reduction in the transmission of AIDS in Africa, backers of the bill say that’s not a good enough reason to block a ban.

How about the other health benefits, such as protection from urinary tract infections, smegma, oncogenic types of human papillomavirus, genital herpes, syphilis and chancroid, penile cancer, and possibly prostate cancer, phimosis, paraphimosis, thrush, and inflammatory skin conditions such as balanitis and balanoposthitis?   Or how it benefits men’s female sex partners by providing substantial protection from cervical cancer, genital herpes, bacterial vaginosis and possibly Chlamydia  (that can cause pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, and ectopic pregnancy)?

To name a few.

So far, no Massachusetts lawmakers have signed on to support the measure.  Hmmmm.  I’m no strategy expert, but perhaps Intact America should have targeted a state that DOESN’T have one of the largest Jewish populations in the country.

Because if ANYTHING is going to make boys wear a condom, it’s calling it “extra-small.”

“The result that shocked us concerned young boys who display apparently risky behavior,” said researcher Nancy Bodmer.  “They have more of a tendency not to protect themselves.  They do not have a very developed sexual knowledge. They do not understand the consequences of what they are doing and leave the young girls to take care of the consequences.”

This ignorance is also widely known as “Lil Wayne Syndrome.”

Bodmer said the results of the study suggest that early prevention makes sense.  True.  But common sense dictates it is the kids’ ignorance, not the size of the condoms, that’s the real problem.

A standard condom has a diameter of 2 inches; the Hotshot’s is 1.7 inches.  A spokeswoman for the condom company, Lamprecht AG, said England would be a “top priority” if they expanded abroad, especially since the U.K. has one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy in Europe. 

Jon Gosselin is, of course, also part of their target demographic for this product.

Student enjoys a light refreshment

When I was in college, I enjoyed the occasional alcoholic drink and by “occasional,” I mean daily case of Moosehead.  In fact, I majored in keg stands and was very fortunate that I was never busted — especially considering keg stand-ology is really only supposed to be a minor.  Also, college security didn’t want the headache of dealing with us unless our drunk asses were, like, in a coma, so they would simply “raid” frat houses by coming in and making sure we had set our plastic cups on the floor before leaving so we could resume drinking again.

Good thing I attended college in the olden days, because the new trend among a “growing list of colleges,” according to The Washington Post, is notifying parents “every time a student younger than 21 is caught drinking, drunk or in possession of alcohol,” a list that includes George Washington University, M.I.T., the University of Kansas, the University of Maryland, the University of Georgia, the University of New Mexico, the University of Virginia and, most recently, Virginia Tech.

Why inform parents of their adult offspring’s unlawful antics when legal officials wouldn’t do so with adult non-college students?  Well, concerned about injuries, deaths, rising alcoholism rates and lawsuits, colleges have realized that, in addition to disciplining with fines and whatnot, seeking parents’ help can help anti-drinking efforts. Research shows that parents can have a significant influence on their children’s drinking habits.

“Students are more concerned about their parents being notified than they are of the legal consequences,” said Edward Spencer, vice president for student affairs at Virginia Tech.

If you’d asked me how I felt about this a year ago, I would have said, “Ah, c’mon.  Let the kids take responsibility for themselves, so long as they’re not, you know, driving drunk or blowing a .7 on the Breathalyzer.”  But now that I’m a parent…?  TELL ME EVERYTHING.

I’m sure Miss Skye will agree.  *Ahem*

My cousin Michelle — a labor and delivery nurse who, like me, grew up in Central Pennsylvania and ended up in Los Angeles — shared this recent exchange with her five-year-old daughter, Ava (who is quite the character):

MICHELLE:  Ava, I like your jeans.

AVA:  Why?

MICHELLE:  They’re cute.

AVA:   Pretty and cute?

MICHELLE:  Yes.  Pretty and cute.

AVA:   They ARE pretty and cute.  Ugh!  Things that are pretty and cute are SO uncomfortable.

True dat, Ava.  True dat.

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

In this reprise of a well-known Stanford psychological experiment from the 1960s, kids are put in a room with a marshmallow and told they can either eat it immediately OR… if they are willing to wait while the researcher steps out for a few minutes, they can have an additional marshmallow when she returns.

In some states, I’m fairly certain this practice is referred to as “kiddie torture.”

As you will see in the video, the proper way to avoid the overwhelming temptation of a marshmallow is to smell it, hold it to your lips and/or “secretly” pick at it.  (No one will ever know!)

Personally, I don’t find the marshmallow all that appealing.  ON ITS OWN, that is.  If it happened to reside next to a cup of piping hot cocoa, well… that marshmallow would certainly be my last.

What’s the purpose of this child abuse, you may be wondering.  Well, in the semi-recent New Yorker article detailing the original experiment, researchers claim the ones who passed the marshmallow test enjoyed greater success (measured by employment, weight, drug history, etc.) as adults.  Walter Mischel, the Stanford professor of psychology in charge of the experiment, said:

“What we’re really measuring with the marshmallows isn’t will power or self-control… It’s much more important than that. This task forces kids to find a way to make the situation work for them. They want the second marshmallow, but how can they get it? We can’t control the world, but we can control how we think about it.”

Yup, turns out, the ones that eat the marshmallow right away will invariably grow up to be unemployed crack addicts living under bridges.  True story.

[EatMeDaily via Laughing Stork Reader, Terry]

Miley Cyrus’ 9-year-old sister, Noah, and her best friend Emily Grace Reaves, 8, have teamed up to create a “trendy” and “edgy” new fashion line for Ooh! La, La! Couture.

And by “trendy” and “edgy,” they mean streetwalker-esque.

Emily Grace, the actress who played Cindy Lou in “Hannah Montana: The Movie” is shown in the below promotional video dressed as every parent’s worst nightmare.  (Unless, of course, that parent happens to have the last name “Cyrus” or “Lohan.)  The pint-sized blonde is seen showing off a revealing leopard-print mini-dress, fishnets and fingerless black gloves ensemble to Miley Cyrus.

Naturally, Miley approves.

Seriously, girls, mini-hooker outfits are SO 2009.  Sweatsuits are HAWT!  What’s that –?  You’re not interested in fashion advice from an old lady who uses words like “HAWT,” you say?  Okay, fine.  Then I won’t tell you that the coolest swimwear this summer is going to be head-to-toe wetsuits!  (Right off the runways of Milan.  I swear.)

With thanks to Laughing Stork reader, Terry, for the tip!

I cannot lie:  I love me some Forever21.  (Even if they DO make me chug my latte before stepping foot in the store.)  And now they have launched a kids’ line for budding fashionistas on a budget. The new collection, called HTG81 — which kinda sounds like a new influenza virus — will feature clothing and accessories for boys and girls ages 6 to 14. The line has just debuted in stores and online at Forever21.com.

According to the company, the new kids’ line will offer everything from “classic to casual cool,” following in the footsteps of its Heritage 1981 collection targeted toward the college crowd.  Prices will range from $2.90 for basic tees to $22.90 for outerwear.

*SIGH*  I was born about 25 years too late.  My elementary school style was less “casual cool,” more “Oshkosh B’Geek.”

That possibility ALWAYS plagues me when I’m forced to carry the car seat with one hand.  That, and the disturbing fact that my right arm is going to become way more muscular than my left.  But, yeah, I suppose the dropping baby thing is worse.

Sadly, there have been at least three injuries to babies, including bumps, bruises and a head injury.  Dorel Juvenile Group received 77 reports of the child restraint handle fully or partially coming off the products.  Yikes.

Obviously, consumers should immediately stop using the seat’s carrying handle.  The recall involves Safety 1st, Cosco, Eddie Bauer and Disney-branded infant car seat carriers with certain model numbers. They were sold at department and children’s product stores nationwide from January 2008 through this month.

For information about affected model numbers and free repair kits, contact Dorel at 866-762-3316 or visit their Web site.

Whoa.  Talk about hair rage.

First grader Lamya Cammon says she is scared by the incident last week in which the apparently frustrated teacher cut one of her braids off in front of the entire class after she wouldn’t stop playing with them in class.

“She told me to stop playing with it. Then cut it off and sent me back to my desk,” Lamya said.

Good thing she wasn’t playing with her feet.

“I went to my desk and cried. And they was laughing,” Lamya added. “She threw it away, and she said, ‘Now what you gonna go home and say to your momma? ‘ And I said, ‘That you cut off my hair.”

Not surprisingly, her mother is none too pleased.  She went to the school and confronted the teacher.

“I said, ‘Well, you know, you cut a lot of her hair off.’ And she was like, ‘Well, I do apologize.’ She said, ‘But I was frustrated,’” Lamya’s mother said.

The Milwaukee Public Schools District said it is going through the disciplinary process with the teacher, who remains in class, although Cammon has been moved to a different classroom by the principal.  Milwaukee police investigated the case and referred it to the district attorney for possible physical or mental abuse of a child charges.  When the district attorney’s office decided not to file criminal charges, police issued the teacher a $175 ticket for disorderly conduct.

I once had a mean viola teacher who violently cut my fingernails, and somehow we still ended up paying HER!