Weird But True

The Wife Should Have Just Used Bounty: The Spider Picker-Upper

Sep 1, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Weird But True | Tags: Headline of the Day

HEADLINE OF THE DAY: A husband who tried to ‘save’ his wife from a scary spider ended up needing treatment for burns after nearly blowing up his bathroom.

The Real Dancer/Housewives of Martin County

Aug 26, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Weird But True | Tags: Headline of the Day

‘Dancer/housewife’ busted after deputies see bag fall from ‘genital area’

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Father Punishes Daughter by Forcing Her to Spend Time with Neighbors’ Kids

Aug 23, 2010 | Filed Under: Teens,Weird But True | Tags: Precious Youth

When 16-year-old Texan, Kirstin Rausch, got in trouble for throwing a late-night party (while her parents were upstairs sleeping… wise idea!), her parents came up with an unusual punishment: 30 hours of free babysitting, complete with an advertisement in the local newspaper:

Want a free babysitter for a night out? Under Kirstin’s picture, it said: I’m in BIG trouble for missing my curfew, and my parents are making me provide 30 hours of free babysitting as punishment. My pain is your gain, so call.

Because, you know, who WOULDNT want a resentful, party-throwing teenager watching their precious bundles of joy!

If Skye ever pulls this kind of shenanigan*, I’m going to punish her with a frightening deterrent. Like forcing her to watch the home movies of me playing with the Harrisburg Youth Symphony on repeat. Or sampling my bi-annual attempt at cooking.

*Just WRITING that word added twenty years to my life

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Perfect for the Formal Dining Room: Placenta Prints

Aug 23, 2010 | Filed Under: Weird But True | Tags: Interior Design

For those new mothers who prefer to admire their afterbirth on the wall, rather than devour it in a panini or cuddle with it in a teddy bear:

The sales pitch: “I make your prints before I wash and prepare the placenta. They are printed with the natural placenta blood on acid-free artists paper. . . For an additional fee of $5, I can also make large placenta prints that are suitable for framing.”

Oh dear. Despite the compelling offer, there is no WAY could I allow that into my house — I mean, it would totally clash with my dried umbilical cord drapery rings.

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Etiquette Lesson: Why You Should Always Tip the Midwife

Aug 21, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Weird But True | Tags: Ouch

Police in southern Shenzhen City confirmed a patient’s claim that her anus had been sewn by a midwife suspected of taking revenge during the patient’s labor because she failed to receive a good tip.

[Ed. note: No word on whether everything came out okay in the end.]

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Lesson learned: NEVER cut off a mom on the road

Aug 10, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Weird But True | Tags: Ew, Philadelphia

Just showing the driver some Luvs.

If anyone knows how to fight dirty, it’s a mom. Case in point: a road rage-fueled woman recently walked up to another driver’s car… and smeared the contents of her kid’s dirty diaper all over the vehicle’s rear window.

Because, let’s face it, sometimes honking the horn just isn’t enough.

The diaper-armed woman, Jessica Hollis, 23, and Melanie Campbell started arguing when they were stuck in traffic leaving the Fayette County Fair in Western Pennsylvania (my home state — woot!) Saturday night, according to state police.

Hollis was charged with harassment. And unlawful possession of a sh*tty weapon.

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Husband of the day so far: Wife discovers hubby’s second marriage on Facebook

Aug 5, 2010 | Filed Under: In the News,Weird But True | Tags: Busted, Love & Marriage

Till Facebook do us part

Turns out, Facebook does more than keep you apprised of what your high school friend’s seven-year-old ate for breakfast — it also helps you investigate your lying bigamist of a “husband.” That is, if you don’t already have the Bigamist Investigation app on your iPhone.

The scoop: Lynn France suspected her hubby John (with whom she has two children) was cheating, so she tracked Johnny Boy down at a hotel and, lo and behold, she was right.

“He was there with this girlfriend,” Lynn told The Daily Mail. “I said, ‘Hey, I’m his wife. We’ve got a baby.’ ”

I guess the girlfriend, Amanda, was nonplussed — marriage, schmarriage — because she simply told Lynn that she was engaged to Johnny Boy. When Lynn’s friend recommended that she check out the woman on Facebook, she did — and found not only photos of the woman’s bridal shower, but also a Disney World WEDDING at which Amanda had dressed up like Sleeping Beauty and John as Prince Charming.

He’s Prince Charming, all right.

After discovering the photos, Lynn began divorce proceedings. I can’t imagine why! John France doesn’t deny he married Amanda, but says he’s no bigamist because his first marriage to Lynn has since been declared invalid due to a clerical error.

Well, THAT clears it all up.

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