Because nothing says “precious newborn” like the woman who sings “Queen B*tch Part II.”  [Regretsy]

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia‘s Kaitlin Olson and Rob McElhenney welcome a son, Axel Lee, after going into labor during the Dodgers/Phillies game.  Man, the lengths kids will go to for a Dodger Dog…  [People]

Breast cancer awareness bracelets proclaiming “I [Heart] Boobies” causing a controversy in schools.  “I Heart Balls” necklaces for testicular cancer can’t be far behind.  [ABC News]

Lindsay Lohan allegedly clipped a baby stroller with her Maserati and kept driving.  If she had hit MY baby and kept going…?  I would’ve called the Po-Po faster than you can say, “Lindsay drives a Maserati?  LIFE IS NOT FAIR.”  [The Frisky]

Breast is best… behind closed doors?  [Teeny Manolo]

No link between Pampers Dry Max and diaper rash, says Safety Commission.  “I totally disagree,” my child’s behind proclaimed in response.  [NYDN]

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A protest over Dexter serial killer doll being sold at Toys “R” Us.  Just be sure your kids learn an important life lesson from it:  yes, killing is wrong, but at least Dexter always cleans up after himself!  [ABC Affiliate]

More children being held back by parents and entering kindergarten at age six, so that they’re stronger and more advanced than peers.  Also, more legal drinking time in college.  Woo-hoo!  [NYT]

It’s a boy for the Travoltas.  Let the downpour of blue-colored gifts begin… [People]

Los Angeles unveils costliest school in the nation, with $100 million-plus campuses boasting “architectural panache and deluxe amenities.”  How idiotic!  How wasteful!  How… do I get my kid enrolled there?  [MSNBC]

A satisfying solution to having to do laundry.  That doesn’t require simply buying new clothes.  [Teeny Manolo]

Latino sextuplets to star in TLC’s new series, Sextuplets Take New York.  Which SHOULD have been called Sextuplets and the City.  [New York Magazine]

‘Dancer/housewife’ busted after deputies see bag fall from ‘genital area’

Want a free babysitter for a night out? Under Kirstin’s picture, it said: I’m in BIG trouble for missing my curfew, and my parents are making me provide 30 hours of free babysitting as punishment. My pain is your gain, so call.

Because, you know, who WOULDNT want a resentful, party-throwing teenager watching their precious bundles of joy!

If Skye ever pulls this kind of shenanigan*, I’m going to punish her with a frightening deterrent.  Like forcing her to watch the home movies of me playing with the Harrisburg Youth Symphony on repeat.  Or sampling my bi-annual attempt at cooking.

*Just WRITING that word added twenty years to my life

The sales pitch: “I make your prints before I wash and prepare the placenta. They are printed with the natural placenta blood on acid-free artists paper. . . For an additional fee of $5, I can also make large placenta prints that are suitable for framing.”

Oh dear.  Despite the compelling offer, there is no WAY could I allow that into my house — I mean, it would totally clash with my dried umbilical cord drapery rings.

[Ed. note:  No word on whether everything came out okay in the end.]

Teacher loses job after describing students as “germ bags” and parents as “snobby” and “arrogant” on Facebook.   I’m guessing her Twitter feed can be read at the equally subtle @MyStudentsAreDoucheBags. [ABC News]

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to design kids’ clothing line.  Offerings will include a miniature Gothic blood vial necklace.  Awwww.  Adorable! [E! Online]

Pregnancy tests to become available in vending machines.  Because who doesn’t like a pee stick with their afternoon bag of SunChips? [The Frisky]

Miranda Kerr confirms she’s four months pregnant with Orlando Bloom‘s child.  The Universe is smiling, “Yes, these people should reproduce together.”  [Us Weekly]

Ten iconic animated character dresses.  Which shed light on an important fact I’d previously overlooked:  Wilma Flintstone is a total MILF.  [Teeny Manolo]

Octo-Mom:  “I’ve written a book!”  Best of all, she’s offering a free kid with each purchase!  [Radar]

Mom proudly shows off her 43-pound 10-month-old baby boy.  Key quote:  “His most favorite thing is to eat.”  [Daily Mail]

Key quote: “He’s driving ’cause I had a little too much to drink.  And he needs to learn how to drive sometime.”

According to the New York Daily News, a Manhattan mom is suing a chocolate cafe for allegedly kicking her out for breastfeeding her 5-month-old daughter –

I’m sorry; let’s just back up a second here.  Did they say CHOCOLATE CAFE?  Dear God.  Belinda Carlisle was right:  heaven really is a place on Earth.

Pardon me as I wipe the drool from my chin and try to re-focus…

Okay, so, Julia Acevedo-Taylor claims she and her friend were breastfeeding their “hungry and tired” babies when Lily O’Brien’s Chocolate Cafe’s manager approached them and demanded they “stop doing that.”  The moms — who say they were being “as discreet as possible” (their attorney’s translation:  no nipple bared) — politely refused and were told to “leave and never come back.”

A tearful Acevedo-Taylor left the cafe immediately and now claims she’s lost her ability to nurse in public.

Huh.  I wonder where she lost it?  Under her car seat, perhaps?

Here’s the kicker:  customers at the store are actually greeted with a small pink sign that reads, “Breastfeeding Welcome Here” and “Beautiful Breastfeeding.”

Ha, haaaa!  Just kidding apparently.

When questioned about the incident, Lily’s owner, Cathal Queally, says he’s “all for breastfeeding” and explained that the manager had merely asked one of the moms to be more discreet in response to a few complaining customers.

Upon hearing the news, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger generously declared the ladies are welcome to openly breastfeed at his restaurant, Schatzi on Main, anytime!