Candy's Column
Feb 25, 2010
“Can’t we get something in the mail besides bills, bills, bills?” Mr. Candy had grumbled earlier this week. Ask and you shall receive, my dear hubby. Because an exciting offer just arrived for you in our mailbox!
Feb 23, 2010
When I tell non-Angelenos I live in Los Angeles, nine times out of ten their first question is, “Do you see a lot of celebrities?”
Feb 22, 2010
Our cat, Mister Matty Marbles, has a very difficult life. When he’s not stretching out his massive body — he is, as feline experts would say, basically a Winnebago motor home with fur — on the couch, forcing me to sit on the floor, he sometimes must waddle five whole feet to the kitchen, where [...]
Feb 18, 2010
Miss Skye and I have been taking parent-infant swim classes together. I believe it’s important that she take these lessons, so that I can dress her in ridiculously cute baby bathing suits.
Feb 17, 2010
Cooking is like watching “Dr. Phil”: it’s fine if other people want to do it, and many people do for reasons unbeknownst to me, but don’t expect me to do it in MY house. Blessed with neither the talent nor the inclination to cook, I am the reason pizza delivery and microwave meals were invented. [...]
Feb 16, 2010
1. She demands designer shades that are exactly 1.5 times the size of her head.
Feb 14, 2010
In celebration of Valentine’s Day.
Once upon a time there was a furry princess named Marcy Cuddles. She lived in an urban castle — known to modern day folk as a “townhouse with a lot of freakin’ floors” — in a sunny, silicone-filled land called Los Angeles.
Feb 12, 2010
Dear Internet,
How are you? Ready for spring? Oh yes, me too. Hey, while we’re on the subject of me, I should mention that I sucked out my baby’s snot tonight. WITH MY MOUTH. Using a contraption called a Nosefrida Nasal Aspirator. Snot. Sucked out. By me.
