Mr. Candy
Mr. C’s big day
Aug 10, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Mr. Candy
It is Mr. Candy’s birthday today, a day that sort of went unnoticed last year because we were too busy gazing at the new eight-pound resident in our house and asking each other with wonder, “Whom does SHE belong to? And when are they coming to change her diaper?” So I plan to make it up to my husband this year by taking him out to dinner with his two girls and maybe, just maybe, treating him to a little somethin’-somethin’ that he wasn’t getting last year at this time, if you catch my drift.
Uh-huh, you guessed it: a big, wet chocolate martini!
Riddle me this
Jul 28, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Mr. Candy | Tags: Deep Thoughts
I cannot tell you how many times friends and family have told us, “You and Mr. Candy make such cute babies. You HAVE to have another one!” So does that mean if Miss Skye, say, had an Olsen Twin-sized goiter on her neck, that Mr. Candy should get snip-snipped immediately to prevent us from reproducing again? More importantly, when is my mother-in-law going to stop paying people to tell us this?
Look-a-Like Meter (Also Known As: Another Excuse to Procrastinate)
Apr 5, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Mr. Candy
My parents are coming to visit next week and, with the house being a big ol’ embarrassing mess and all, I naturally spent the better part of the weekend reading my friends’ Facebook status updates and comparing side-by-side pictures of Skye and me to prove there is a resemblance. Continue Reading »
A Dark Day for Mr. Candy
Feb 25, 2010 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Mr. Candy | Tags: Mr. Candy
“Can’t we get something in the mail besides bills, bills, bills?” Mr. Candy had grumbled earlier this week. Ask and you shall receive, my dear hubby. Because an exciting offer just arrived for you in our mailbox!
Continue Reading »
Baby Science With Mr. Candy: Parental Evolution
Oct 27, 2009 | Filed Under: Mr. Candy
Baby Science
With Mr. Candy
Today’s Column: Parental Evolution
All things, with the exception of my hairstyle, must evolve to survive. So while my own hair may be indisputable proof of creationism (I’ll present the evidence and let you decide) . . .
. . . I still went on my own personal expedition to look for proof of “parental” evolution. Yes, like Charles Darwin before me with his turtles, I decided to study the species novus homo hominis parentes or, as more commonly known, new parents.
I studied how under the same stimuli, the reaction of these intriguing creatures changed over time. My findings were fascinating. So I decided to publish my work in the most esteemed academic journal that I know, The Laughing Stork. Thus, I offer up my findings for peer review.
| Situation | 1st Month | 2nd Month |
| Baby starts to cry in the evening. . . | “Aw poor thing, I will go get her now.” | “Oh no! Donny Osmond’s dance is about to start… just give me 5 minutes. I think she needs to learn how to self-soothe anyway.” [Turns up volume on TV]* |
| Baby is quietly sleeping. . . | “Let me go check on her again to make sure everything is OK.” | Zzzzzzzzz. |
| 8pm in the evening . . . | “Bath time! My turn to give her a bath.” | “Didn’t she have a bath last week? I don’t remember her getting very dirty today.” |
| Baby’s diaper is dirty. . . | “You know I really don’t mind changing a dirty diaper when it is MY baby.” | [Touching nose] “Not it!” |
| Baby’s laundry is full. . . | “Time to do the laundry. Now where is that Dreft?” | “Wait a second, isn’t this thing reversible?” |
| Pacifier falls on the floor. . . | “Ooopsie, guess we need to go sterilize it again.” | [Looks closely, picks off a cat hair] “Looks clean to me.” |
| Baby’s bed time. . . | “Good night Skylar, I love you.” | “Good night Skylar, I love you.” |
I guess some things, like my hair, will never change.
*Ed. note: Please keep in mind this is MR. Candy’s perspective. I would only make the baby wait if it were Gilles Marini dancing.
He Said, She Said with Candy and Mr. Candy
Oct 14, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Mr. Candy
I thought it would be fun to pose questions about the parenting experience to both Mr. Candy and me — and answer them independently of each other, then post and compare the responses. (Fun and a sneaky way to encourage Mr. Candy to get all mushy!) So I e-mailed the questions to my hubby and, well, here are the results:
Baby Math with Mr. Candy: In Deep Doo-Doo
Oct 8, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Featured,Mr. Candy | Tags: Baby Math, Mr. Candy
Baby Math with Mr. Candy: In Deep Doo-Doo
I remember going shopping for Skylar before she was born. Candy picked out a giant box of diapers. As I was putting it into the shopping cart, she grabbed another giant box without hesitation. In disbelief, I exclaimed, “How much do you think this little girl is going to poop?!?!” The dad next to me shook his head and said, “More than you can imagine, more than you can imagine.”
Baby Math with Mr. Candy: DC Isn’t the Only Place with a Budget Crunch
Aug 4, 2009 | Filed Under: Candy's Column,Featured,Mr. Candy | Tags: Baby Math, Finance, Mr. Candy, Yikes
Baby Math
With Mr. Candy
Not being the creative one in the family, I could never hope to capture in words the joy and happiness I experienced when I first saw Skylar. The love I feel in my heart is indescribable. However, as the “economical” one in the family (some less “economical” would say “cheap”), I am unfortunately fully capable of calculating the cost of Skylar. Even though she’s of course priceless, the pain I feel in my wallet is all too calculable.
