Tag - Weekly News Roundup

In Other Family News This Week…

HELP A MUTHA OUT:  Please vote for The Laughing Stork for Circle of Moms’ “Top Funny Moms” award, if you’re so inclined.  No need to register or anything — just click on “VOTE” and receive a lifetime of gratitude from me and the cats.
Because I ain’t too proud to beg.

POP CULTURE: How The Lorax Saved Hollywood with Savvy Marketing and Kid Power
Not to mention one bad-ass mustache.

BABY PRODUCTS:  “Grave Concerns” About Popular Bumbo Baby Seat
I find it is safest when used with an accessory that doesn’t come with the seat:  common sense.

CELEBRITY: Neve Campbell is Pregnant
Baby-proofing to include removing all household copies of Wild Things.

PARENTING ISSUE: “Talking to Other Parents About My Gay 7-Year-Old Son”
“For the next PTA fundraiser, we’re asking you to bring cookies and a big helping of tolerance and acceptance.  Thanks!”

In Other Family News This Week…

CELEBRITY:  Jessica Simpson Nude on the Cover of Elle
She meant to wear clothes, but suffered from world’s worst case of pregnancy brain.

PARENTS OF THE YEAR: Parents Forget Child, 3, at Chuck E. Cheese’s, Until They See It on TV News
Blame it on the Chuck E. Cheese Band’s oddly mesmerizing powers.

HEALTH: Pregnancy Seems to Protect Against Multiple Sclerosis
Almost makes up for the whole nipple hair growth thing.

STYLE: Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Mini Spring Kids’ Line for Target Hits Stores
It also hit my wallet. (Damn you, Gwen, and your irresistibly whimsical style!)

MOMS & WORK:  Soccer Mom with Four Kids Busted for Running Manhattan Brothel
Her kids and employees had one thing in common:  they were all required to be in a bed by 8 p.m.

In This Week’s Family News…

"I don't think this is what they mean by 'French Parenting,' people!"

INTERNATIONAL:  An American Mom Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Well, I don’t know about the kids, but saying “oui, oui” always makes ME laugh.

CELEBRITY:  Jessica Simpson Spotted Shopping for Pink Baby Clothes
Awwww. If it is indeed a baby girl, she can name her after her dad: Papa Jo!

BEAUTY:  Young Teens Ask YouTube Users If They’re “Ugly”
Because if anyone will make you feel better about yourself, it’s the compassionate YouTube Community. *Ahem*

LITERATURE:  Stephen Colbert Releasing Kids’ Book Titled, I Am a Pole (And So Can You!)
A career book about the stripper industry, perhaps?

FOOD:  Taco Bell Launching New Doritos Taco Shell
A cheese-flavored shell — for when you want more dairy in your kid’s diet.

SOCIAL MEDIA:  Facebook Removes Breastfeeding Pics From “Respect the Breast” Page
If they want to get rid of something truly offensive, how about their ever-changing privacy policy instead?

“CELEBRITY”:  Kourtney Kardashian Reveals She is Having a Baby Girl
And both Grandma and Grandpa Jenner are OVERJOYED…

Really!  They’re smiling!  Well, as much as they can these days…

In This Week’s Family News…

POP CULTURE: Mattel Makes Prince William and Kate Middleton Dolls for Royal Wedding Anniversary
No word on whether the William doll’s hair plugs are sold separately.

POLITICS:  Santorum Backer Suggests Aspirin as Birth Control
But then wives won’t be able to use the ol’ “Not tonight, dear, I’ve got a headache” excuse!

EDUCATION:  Teacher Makes Students Write Letters to Jailed Boyfriend with Kiddie-Porn Charge
Well, how else are they going to learn how to spell S-L-A-M-M-E-R?

CELEBRITY: Jason Bateman Welcomes Daughter Maple Sylvie
Named in honor of their close relative, Aunt Jemima

TECHNOLOGY: FTC Tears into Apple and Google for Lack of Privacy in Kids’ Apps
Oooohhhh, you are so grounded, Apple and Android!

This Week in Family News…

FOODJACK IN THE BOX LAUNCHES BACON MILKSHAKE
In related news, restaurant’s sales to pregnant women suddenly skyrocket.

HEALTH: A PEEK INTO THE SECRET WORLD OF TEENAGE “THINSPIRATION”
Pass these kids a bacon milkshake, please.

MARRIAGEDATE NIGHTS CAN IMPROVE MARRIAGE, SEXUAL SATISFACTION
In other words, kids are total c*ck-blockers.

TECHNOLOGY: FACEBOOK DOESN’T REALLY REMOVE THE PHOTOS YOU DELETE
So your child may very well find that picture of you doing a keg-stand at your wedding, after all.

CELEBRITYBEYONCE AND JAY-Z JUST TRADEMARKED THEIR BABY
Now all of those monogrammed baby towels have to be amended to Blue Ivy(TM).

In Other Parenting & Celebrity Family News This Week…

Mom gives birth in moving car, husband tapes it while driving — all with the excitement of finding an extra pen in the glove compartment.  Hey, lady, you just had a baby in a car!  What’s the first thing you’re going to do?  Pull over…?  Call 911…?  Cover the baby…?  Hit your husband for not helping…?  Wait — you’re CALLING YOUR MOM?  Hmmmm, okay, interesting choice.  [VIDEO ABOVE]

How Heidi Klum and Seal told their kids about the separation.  Hopefully, Heidi Klum didn’t announce this particular farewell surrounded by Michael Kors and Nina Garcia.

Parents reveal the sex of their child after FIVE years of disguising it from the world with a gender-neutral lifestyle.  And clandestine potty-training, I guess.

Toddlers and Tiaras mom sues media for “sexualizing” her daughter.  Then returns to picking out halter tops and mini-skirts for daughter’s next pageant.

Arresting parents when kids are late for school?  An idea that I’m sure thrills overpopulated jails.

In Other Parenting & Celebrity Family News This Week…

  • Sienna Miller is expecting a baby with 26-year-old boyfriend Tom Sturridge.  Only time will tell if the kid inherits their dominant hipster gene.
  • Most popular baby names of 2011 include: 1. Aiden; 2. Jackson; 3. Mason; 4. Liam; 5. Jacob; 6. Jayden; 7. Ethan; 8. Noah; 9. Lucas; 10. Logan; and for girls…1. Sophia; 2. Emma; 3. Isabella; 4. Olivia; 5. Ava; 6. Lily; 7. Chloe; 8. Madison; 9. Emily; and 10. Abigail.  Hmpf.  No Candy?  No wonder the prostitution business is struggling.
  • In news I did NOT want to hear:  Babies with sleep issues are significantly more likely to be bad sleepers as toddlers, too.  (I need to find out where I can pick up one of those caffeine IV drips.)

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End-of-Week News Roundup: Weirdest Pregnancy Craving Ever; Porn Stars in the Schools; Snuggies for Dogs

Meet the pregnant woman who craves roadkill meat.  So I guess instead of the midnight craving run, her baby daddy does the midnight craving run-over:  “Hey, honey, I’m hungry.  Go run over a raccoon for me, would ya?”  [San Francisco Chronicle]

Jennifer Garner says Rachel Zoe won’t let her wear maternity clothes.  Meanwhile, Baby Garner-Affleck is shouting, “But I plan on becoming bigger than a Skittle, Mom!” [Celebrity Stork]

Parents outraged to learn that porn star Sasha Grey was a guest reader at their kids’ elementary school.  In related news, an unprecedented number of dads offered to start volunteering at school the next day.  [NY Daily News]

For the canine with no pride:  Snuggies for Dogs.  Crocs for dogs can’t be far behind.  [Snuggie]

“Is it selfish to have one child?”  Yes!  If “selfish” means “wise to maintain some semblance of sanity,” that is.  [Babble]

End-of-Week News: Passive-Aggressive Moms; Baby Daddy Hugh Grant; Accused Baby Daddy Justin Bieber

“Mom” is going to feel really dumb when she finally gets around to checking her voice-mail.  [Passive-Aggressive Notes]

Hugh Grant welcomes a daughter at 51 years old.   Good thing he has plenty of experience with young girls!  [The Celebrity Stork]

Why parents lie to let kids join Facebook.  Um, so their kids don’t have to lie to join Facebook?  [NYT]

Justin Bieber may not be able to brush off paternity claims:  LAPD may look into alleged half-minute sexual encounter.  Yes!  30 seconds!  At least it lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.  [ABC]

The 10 cutest pint-sized singers on YouTube.   And, no, I’m not talking about the aforementioned Biebs.  [Babble]

End-of-Week Roundup: Frightening(ly wrong) Halloween Cakes, Tattooed Barbie & Daddy Bloggers

The always popular "angry toilet paper" Halloween pastry

Frightening(ly wrong) Halloween cakes.  [Cake Wrecks]

It’s Always FERTILE in Philadelphia.  Two more stars from the show expecting a baby.  [The Celebrity Stork]

Because dads like to humiliate their kids on the Web, too:  The best of the daddy bloggers.  [Babble]

Tattooed Barbie causes a stir among parents.   (Wait — Pam Anderson is just now causing a stir…?)  [LA Times]

This Halloween season, the scariest thing for parents may be the sexy or gory costumes their children are wearing.  [ABC News]

Watch your back, Papa Duggar — Sister Wives’ Kody Brown is hot on your fertile tail, having just welcomed his 17th child.  Sources say when the baby saw Kody’s long, blond, flowing locks, he said, “Mom?”  [Celebrity Stork]