Tag - Weekly News Roundup

In Other Family News This Week…

HELP A MUTHA OUT:  Please vote for The Laughing Stork for Circle of Moms’ “Top Funny Moms” award, if you’re so inclined.  No need to register or anything — just click on “VOTE” and receive a lifetime of gratitude from me and the cats.
Because I ain’t too proud to beg.

POP CULTURE: How The Lorax Saved Hollywood with Savvy Marketing and Kid Power
Not to mention one bad-ass mustache.

BABY PRODUCTS:  “Grave Concerns” About Popular Bumbo Baby Seat
I find it is safest when used with an accessory that doesn’t come with the seat:  common sense.

CELEBRITY: Neve Campbell is Pregnant
Baby-proofing to include removing all household copies of Wild Things.

PARENTING ISSUE: “Talking to Other Parents About My Gay 7-Year-Old Son”
“For the next PTA fundraiser, we’re asking you to bring cookies and a big helping of tolerance and acceptance.  Thanks!”

In Other Family News This Week…

CELEBRITY:  Jessica Simpson Nude on the Cover of Elle
She meant to wear clothes, but suffered from world’s worst case of pregnancy brain.

PARENTS OF THE YEAR: Parents Forget Child, 3, at Chuck E. Cheese’s, Until They See It on TV News
Blame it on the Chuck E. Cheese Band’s oddly mesmerizing powers.

HEALTH: Pregnancy Seems to Protect Against Multiple Sclerosis
Almost makes up for the whole nipple hair growth thing.

STYLE: Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Mini Spring Kids’ Line for Target Hits Stores
It also hit my wallet. (Damn you, Gwen, and your irresistibly whimsical style!)

MOMS & WORK:  Soccer Mom with Four Kids Busted for Running Manhattan Brothel
Her kids and employees had one thing in common:  they were all required to be in a bed by 8 p.m.

In This Week’s Family News…

"I don't think this is what they mean by 'French Parenting,' people!"

INTERNATIONAL:  An American Mom Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Well, I don’t know about the kids, but saying “oui, oui” always makes ME laugh.

CELEBRITY:  Jessica Simpson Spotted Shopping for Pink Baby Clothes
Awwww. If it is indeed a baby girl, she can name her after her dad: Papa Jo!

BEAUTY:  Young Teens Ask YouTube Users If They’re “Ugly”
Because if anyone will make you feel better about yourself, it’s the compassionate YouTube Community. *Ahem*

LITERATURE:  Stephen Colbert Releasing Kids’ Book Titled, I Am a Pole (And So Can You!)
A career book about the stripper industry, perhaps?

FOOD:  Taco Bell Launching New Doritos Taco Shell
A cheese-flavored shell — for when you want more dairy in your kid’s diet.

SOCIAL MEDIA:  Facebook Removes Breastfeeding Pics From “Respect the Breast” Page
If they want to get rid of something truly offensive, how about their ever-changing privacy policy instead?

“CELEBRITY”:  Kourtney Kardashian Reveals She is Having a Baby Girl
And both Grandma and Grandpa Jenner are OVERJOYED…

Really!  They’re smiling!  Well, as much as they can these days…

In This Week’s Family News…

POP CULTURE: Mattel Makes Prince William and Kate Middleton Dolls for Royal Wedding Anniversary
No word on whether the William doll’s hair plugs are sold separately.

POLITICS:  Santorum Backer Suggests Aspirin as Birth Control
But then wives won’t be able to use the ol’ “Not tonight, dear, I’ve got a headache” excuse!

EDUCATION:  Teacher Makes Students Write Letters to Jailed Boyfriend with Kiddie-Porn Charge
Well, how else are they going to learn how to spell S-L-A-M-M-E-R?

CELEBRITY: Jason Bateman Welcomes Daughter Maple Sylvie
Named in honor of their close relative, Aunt Jemima

TECHNOLOGY: FTC Tears into Apple and Google for Lack of Privacy in Kids’ Apps
Oooohhhh, you are so grounded, Apple and Android!

This Week in Family News…

In related news, restaurant’s sales to pregnant women suddenly skyrocket.

Pass these kids a bacon milkshake, please.

In other words, kids are total c*ck-blockers.

So your child may very well find that picture of you doing a keg-stand at your wedding, after all.

Now all of those monogrammed baby towels have to be amended to Blue Ivy(TM).

In Other Parenting & Celebrity Family News This Week…

Mom gives birth in moving car, husband tapes it while driving — all with the excitement of finding an extra pen in the glove compartment.  Hey, lady, you just had a baby in a car!  What’s the first thing you’re going to do?  Pull over…?  Call 911…?  Cover the baby…?  Hit your husband for not helping…?  Wait — you’re CALLING YOUR MOM?  Hmmmm, okay, interesting choice.  [VIDEO ABOVE]

How Heidi Klum and Seal told their kids about the separation.  Hopefully, Heidi Klum didn’t announce this particular farewell surrounded by Michael Kors and Nina Garcia.

Parents reveal the sex of their child after FIVE years of disguising it from the world with a gender-neutral lifestyle.  And clandestine potty-training, I guess.

Toddlers and Tiaras mom sues media for “sexualizing” her daughter.  Then returns to picking out halter tops and mini-skirts for daughter’s next pageant.

Arresting parents when kids are late for school?  An idea that I’m sure thrills overpopulated jails.

In Other Parenting & Celebrity Family News This Week…

  • Sienna Miller is expecting a baby with 26-year-old boyfriend Tom Sturridge.  Only time will tell if the kid inherits their dominant hipster gene.
  • Most popular baby names of 2011 include: 1. Aiden; 2. Jackson; 3. Mason; 4. Liam; 5. Jacob; 6. Jayden; 7. Ethan; 8. Noah; 9. Lucas; 10. Logan; and for girls…1. Sophia; 2. Emma; 3. Isabella; 4. Olivia; 5. Ava; 6. Lily; 7. Chloe; 8. Madison; 9. Emily; and 10. Abigail.  Hmpf.  No Candy?  No wonder the prostitution business is struggling.
  • In news I did NOT want to hear:  Babies with sleep issues are significantly more likely to be bad sleepers as toddlers, too.  (I need to find out where I can pick up one of those caffeine IV drips.)

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End-of-Week News Roundup: Weirdest Pregnancy Craving Ever; Porn Stars in the Schools; Snuggies for Dogs

Meet the pregnant woman who craves roadkill meat.  So I guess instead of the midnight craving run, her baby daddy does the midnight craving run-over:  “Hey, honey, I’m hungry.  Go run over a raccoon for me, would ya?”  [San Francisco Chronicle]

Jennifer Garner says Rachel Zoe won’t let her wear maternity clothes.  Meanwhile, Baby Garner-Affleck is shouting, “But I plan on becoming bigger than a Skittle, Mom!” [Celebrity Stork]

Parents outraged to learn that porn star Sasha Grey was a guest reader at their kids’ elementary school.  In related news, an unprecedented number of dads offered to start volunteering at school the next day.  [NY Daily News]

For the canine with no pride:  Snuggies for Dogs.  Crocs for dogs can’t be far behind.  [Snuggie]

“Is it selfish to have one child?”  Yes!  If “selfish” means “wise to maintain some semblance of sanity,” that is.  [Babble]

End-of-Week News: Passive-Aggressive Moms; Baby Daddy Hugh Grant; Accused Baby Daddy Justin Bieber

“Mom” is going to feel really dumb when she finally gets around to checking her voice-mail.  [Passive-Aggressive Notes]

Hugh Grant welcomes a daughter at 51 years old.   Good thing he has plenty of experience with young girls!  [The Celebrity Stork]

Why parents lie to let kids join Facebook.  Um, so their kids don’t have to lie to join Facebook?  [NYT]

Justin Bieber may not be able to brush off paternity claims:  LAPD may look into alleged half-minute sexual encounter.  Yes!  30 seconds!  At least it lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.  [ABC]

The 10 cutest pint-sized singers on YouTube.   And, no, I’m not talking about the aforementioned Biebs.  [Babble]

End-of-Week Roundup: Frightening(ly wrong) Halloween Cakes, Tattooed Barbie & Daddy Bloggers

The always popular "angry toilet paper" Halloween pastry

Frightening(ly wrong) Halloween cakes.  [Cake Wrecks]

It’s Always FERTILE in Philadelphia.  Two more stars from the show expecting a baby.  [The Celebrity Stork]

Because dads like to humiliate their kids on the Web, too:  The best of the daddy bloggers.  [Babble]

Tattooed Barbie causes a stir among parents.   (Wait — Pam Anderson is just now causing a stir…?)  [LA Times]

This Halloween season, the scariest thing for parents may be the sexy or gory costumes their children are wearing.  [ABC News]

Watch your back, Papa Duggar — Sister Wives’ Kody Brown is hot on your fertile tail, having just welcomed his 17th child.  Sources say when the baby saw Kody’s long, blond, flowing locks, he said, “Mom?”  [Celebrity Stork]

News Roundup: Pint-Sized Hooker on ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ and Embarrassing Parents on Facebook

Fun Friday photo time!  With thanks to Laughing Stork reader, Jaclyn, for sharing this photo of her wee one and asking:  “Is it wrong that I think that my child looking scared to death is actually hilarious?”   Ed. note:  The publisher of this blog makes her living off of humiliating her children, so you are probably asking the wrong person.

Lighten up, people! Just some fun hooker wear for kids.

A close-up of Drew’s future wife (and dowry provider), Harper Seven Beckham.  [The Celebrity Stork]

So sweet, you may need to see the dentist afterward:  The 33 most “awwww”-inspiring parenting moments on YouTube.  [Babble]

Examples of parents embarrassing themselves on Facebook.  I look forward to the day that I can embarrass my KIDS on Facebook.  [CollegeHumor]

Hmmmm… Mr. Candy’s office assistant is awfully cute, flirty and young.  [The Furry Stork]

Did Toddlers & Tiaras Finally Go Too Far With Kid in a ‘Pretty Woman’ Prostitute Getup?”  Um… “finally”?  As if the show were so appropriate before!  [E! Online]

The top-earning celebrity moms.  Might I just say, there is something amusing about the fact that the #1 mom makes her money from liquor.  Cheers!  [Forbes]

Chez Candy update:  After tricking me into thinking there might be sleep in my near future, Drew has resumed his usual schedule of waking up every 2-3 hours throughout the night.  Ha, haaaaa!  Psych!  The little stinker has, however, started napping better in his swing during the day, so hopefully I’ll be able to start creating more content for my third baby, this here site, again.  The other Stork blogs will only be updated sporadically until Drew enters daycare part-time next year.  At which point I will be too busy crying because he’s in daycare to be productive.  *Sigh*  Such is the can’t-win life of a mom.

News Roundup: Toddlers & Tiaras Features Girl with Fake Breasts & John Stamos Demonstrates How to Cuddle

Toddlers & Tiaras goes beyond fake tanning and waxing this week — Yes!  It’s possible! — and shows a 4-year-old contestant wearing fake breasts and a butt enhancer for her Dolly Parton routine.  “I want to show the judges how beautiful I am,” little Maddy says. “I love dressing up like Dolly!”

In case your man need to brush up on his snuggle skills:  John Stamos’ Guide to Cuddling video.  Or in case you just want to get your dose of John Stamos in boxers.  Mmmm-mmmm.  [CollegeHumor]

Tori Spelling’s son wears silver nail polish — which obviously is going to lead to a life of gender confusion.  *Ahem*  [The Celebrity Stork]

This poor kitten can really use the long weekend.  [The Furry Stork]

It’s Labor Day Weekend.  So put your fingers to work and check out the latest deals ‘n’ steals in online shopping.  [The Nesting Stork]

The Laughing Stork was nominated for “Funniest Mom Blog” on Parents.com.  Woo-hoo!  I promise you a lifetime of good karma if you vote for me.  Okay, maybe not, but I can promise I’ll buy you a margarita if we ever run into each other at a bar.  (You can vote using your Facebook account.)  [Parents.com]

News Roundup: Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Stance on Breast Lifts; Dogs Thefts on Rise; Bragging About Your Kids

"I'll grab the keys and the address for Legoland. You work the navigation system. They'll never know!"

Skye and Drew chat about their plans for this weekend.

This is what I looked like pretty much every weekend morning in college.  [Tots & Giggles]

Gwyneth Paltrow takes a bold stance, declares she is pro-boob lift.  [The Celebrity Stork]

Cartoons on food boxes create nagging children.  I always knew that Tony the Tiger was bad news.  [USA Today]

Well, this is one way to keep your husband and kids off your computer:  Introducing the tampon flash drive.  [Cool Mom Tech]

The fine line between discussing and bragging about your kids.  I would give my two cents’ worth on this matter, but I’m too busy admiring what beautiful, sensitive geniuses my kids are.  [Motherlode]

Dog thefts on the rise across the nation.  A number of cats are being questioned.  [ABC News]

News Roundup: Bert and Ernie Discuss Marriage; Baby-Selling Ring Busted; Young Model Stirs Controversy

Moms get no respect, I tell ya.  We also get no showers, due to time constraints, thus why we smell like we live in a zoo.  [Cake Wrecks]

Sesame Workshop issues a statement in response to Bert and Ernie marriage petitions.  Uh, given how long they’ve lived together, aren’t they already bound by common-law marriage?  [Facebook]

Solidly C-list celebrities to star in new reality series, Hollywood Moms Club.  [The Celebrity Stork]

“Hmmm… my pillow sure does smell like kibble,” thinks this sleeping baby. [Tots & Giggles]

Baby-selling ring busted.  Lifetime Movie of the Week starring Jennifer Love Hewitt sure to follow.  [ABC News]

French Vogue stirs up controversy with a 10-year-old model posing sultrily, showing leg and wearing makeup, stilettos and haute couture.   So inappropriate!  Models don’t usually engage in such adult behavior… until they’re 12.  [The Berry]

News Roundup: USA Vies for Breastfeeding Record; Toddler Swallows Pen; Woman Eats Hubby’s Ashes

Moms across the country are getting together to try to break the world record for the most women breastfeeding at one time.  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  [Chicago Sun-Times]

Mom Charged With Using Gun To Steal Teen’s Bike.”  I’m sure she had her reasons.  [CBS Boston]

App turns your iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch into a baby monitor.  I’m still waiting for the app that transforms my iPhone into a margarita-making machine and babysitter.  [Consumer Reports]

Pacifier weaning tactics.  I see a big career ahead for the Binky Fairy!  [Babble]

Toddler recovers after swallowing ballpoint pen, shows promise for careers as circus sword swallower and/or esophagus graffiti artist.  [CBC.ca]

On this Sunday’s My Strange Addiction:  Woman can’t stop eating her dead husband’s ashes.  I think she misheard his last words:  “A time will come again when you will MEET me.”  [TV Guide]