In her defense, perhaps she was just attempting to demonstrate her lesson plan explaining the effects of gravity (and Two-Buck Chuck).
Tag - Totally Sober
The smile, the flushed face, the rays of sunshine surrounding her and the hearts to communicate Mom’s love of alcohol — yeah, I’d say the kid has perfectly captured the essence of a wine buzz.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned since becoming a mom, it’s that your tolerance goes WAY down after having kids. This picture was probably taken after half a mimosa.
Just days after a 15-month-old boy in Detroit got tanked on tequila at an Applebee’s– where he was served a freakin’ margarita in his sippy cup instead of apple juice — a Florida mom is claiming her toddler got tipsy after being served alcohol at the Olive Garden.
Wow. These kids must have amazing fake I.D.s.
Jill Van Heest said she and her two-year-old son, Nikolai, were diving into their bottomless bread sticks and salad when the boy started acting strangely after downing most of his orange juice. Behavior that likely involved loudly slurring “I LOVE YOU, MOM!” and dirty dancing with the walls (which Mr. Candy may or may not have been known to do in his time).
Turns out, the boy had been sipping on a sangria cocktail — a mix of OJ, pineapple juice and white wine. On the bright side, it wasn’t Candy’s Special Sangria, which includes less pineapple, more tequila. And even more tequila.
The mom’s story:
“We’re eating our meals when the waiter came over and said there’s been a mistake, I need to get you a new one and took the glass and kind of scurried away,” Van Heest told Orlando’s WOFL television.
Van Heest said she got suspicious that the boy’s sippy cup was spiked when he started getting rowdy.
“He was visibly drunk,” she told the station. “His eyes were dilated, they were red. He was now getting loud.”
Little Nikolai was rushed to a nearby hospital, where he received an I.V. to flush out his system. He was released a few hours later.
A spokesman for the Olive Garden said the restaurant was sorry about the incident.
“This was an extremely regrettable accident caused by the failure of an employee to follow our strict operating procedures,” an Olive Garden spokesman said. “We offer our sincerest apologies to the family of the child, and to all of our guests.”
A sincere apology for getting babies drunk — and trying to cover it up. Gee, how generous! And here I thought Mr. Candy had been shortchanged when he discovered he’d bitten into a green worm in his potato soup — and the Times Square Olive Garden manager offered him free dessert to make up for the mistake. Sorry about that unexpected mouthful of larva. But here’s some tiramisu!
P.S. I am totally taste-testing all of Skye’s drinks from now on. No tequila for her until she’s at least six years old.
Forget the Ferber Method. Your baby will go to sleep, guaranteed, with the Moonshine Ritual!
Continuing a proud tradition among illustrious Philadelphia sports fans, a young child was caught on camera drinking from a beer bottle at a Phillies baseball game last weekend.
The child, wearing a Phillies jersey, appears to be between three and four years old — in other words, way too old to be drinking from a bottle. That boy should be drinking his nine-dollar beer from a real cup by now! Geesh. Parents today…
This latest incident at the Phillies home ball park comes after two nationally publicized confrontations, where one fan vomited on six people — lovely! — while another fan had to be Tasered by Philadelphia police on camera. Never a dull, or well-mannered, moment at Philly games, that’s for sure.
Of course, with the way the Phils have been hitting lately, it’s never too early for a fan to start drinking.
Guinness is considered an appropriate solid food, right?
After pouring my heart out about the life lessons I recently learned, a couple of you wrote to me about one of my more poignant epiphanies: that Godiva liqueur and vanilla vodka yield heaven in a martini glass. Read More
When I was in college, I enjoyed the occasional alcoholic drink and by “occasional,” I mean daily case of Moosehead. In fact, I majored in keg stands and was very fortunate that I was never busted — especially considering keg stand-ology is really only supposed to be a minor. Read More
Ah, I remember the days of passing out like that. Only instead of breast milk, Heineken was my poison of choice. Of course, they’re not all that different: Read More
These two totally sober-looking individuals, Danica Wallace, 24, and Jeremy Welch, 29, were recently arrested in Ohio after the cops spotted the reportedly pantless duo having sex in a car.
But wait — there’s more!
Danica’s two small children, ages four years and 22 months, were sitting in the back while they were knocking da boots. Something tells me the traumatized kids will ask to take the bus from now on.
Good ol’ Jeremy, described as “extremely intoxicated,” had a simple explanation for their behavior: “We got horny and just wanted to fuck!!” (The reporting officer added the extra exclamation point for emphasis.)
Meanwhile, Mother of the Week contender Danica, who failed a series of field sobriety tests, claimed to have only consumed a 22-ounce bottle of Budweiser.
“I’m not completely drunk,” she assured police.
That’s good enough for me. Please, continue on your way, ma’am!