As if we needed further proof that you can indeed find ANYTHING on Craigslist, a new trend has cropped up: women selling their positive pregnancy tests on the classified ads site.
You moms out there are kicking yourselves because YOU didn’t think of this money-making opportunity, aren’t you? Well, good thing I kept mine! Woo-hoo! (Too much information? You can tell me so on my new site: FiveYearOldPositivePregnancyTestsforSale.com.)
One post from Buffalo, New York, sums up the appeal for potential shoppers:
“Wanna get your boyfriend to finally pop the question? Play a trick on Mom, Dad or one of your friends? I really don’t care what you use it for.”
That particular test was going for the reasonable rate of $25 dollars. The tests in Texas seem to be slightly more expensive, at $30 a pop. Perhaps because of more demand from Southern ladies looking to trick their men into marrying them.
Another ad reassures buyers conscious of name brands, “This will NOT be a dollar store test. Will be either Clearblue First Response or EPT.”
PHEW. As I always say, if I’m going to buy a urine-soaked pregnancy test to play a prank on my parents, it had better be top-of-the-line.
Other possible, totally classy uses for the positive pregnancy tests include:
- Using it to make your boyfriend cough up money for “doctor’s appointments”
- Telling your wife/girlfriend that you found it in the trashcan and she has some ‘splainin’ to do.
- Having Maury Povich buy them in bulk, thus giving his show plenty of material
- Keeping it by your bedside, because who wouldn’t want to wake up to something that somebody else has peed on? (In short, a substitute for toddlers who are potty training.)
Baby showers are a time for women to “ooohhh” and “aaahhh” over tiny socks and breast pumps, and for men to be thankful they’re not women.
Also, apparently, a time to let the Baby Mama know exactly what’s in store for her:
A cake AND effective birth control
Never before did I think I would have to censor a baby shower cake, but there’s a first for everything, I suppose — including the first time I’ve looked at a dessert and actually LOST my appetite (truly, a Sign of the Apocalypse).
For those of you who forgot your I.D. in order to see this X-rated goodie in all its uncensored glory, YES, the carpet matches the curtains. I know you were wondering. Sicko!
Important manufacturer health warning: They are not to be used for love making and you should always consult your doctor before using extra nipples.
And with one inappropriate squeeze, it suddenly became an XXX-mas Card. (One for the family to hang on the fridge year-round!)
Shauna Sand was doing WHAT at the pumpkin patch?
On the heels of the Beheaded Baby Dessert, I offer you a slice of the delicious-looking Redneck Amputee Cake:
“The Redneck Amputee”… sure to become the Farrelly brothers’ next feature film starring David Spade and Jaime Pressly.
[via Cake Wrecks
“Why do strange men keep asking Mom how much she ‘charges for an hour’?”
Darn it! I’ve lined up my husband a top-notch photographer to take pictures of me and my growin’ belly tonight as I enter my 23rd week, and this woman has totally stolen my thunder by having her picture taken in MY special maternity outfit:
Lace-up hot shorts: the latest in maternity wear elegance
Oh, well. At least I can still wear it to the baby shower.
The challenge: Make a maternity prom dress using only your grandmother’s living room drapes, scissors and a healthy dose of elegance.
And voilà! Whoever said maternity clothes can’t be stylish, clearly did not see this classy little number.