Tag - Stay Classy

For Sale: Urine-Soaked Positive Pregnancy Tests

For Sale! As if we needed further proof that you can indeed find ANYTHING on Craigslist, a new trend has cropped up:  women selling their positive pregnancy tests on the classified ads site.

You moms out there are kicking yourselves because YOU didn’t think of this money-making opportunity, aren’t you?  Well, good thing I kept mine!  Woo-hoo!   (Too much information?  You can tell me so on my new site:  FiveYearOldPositivePregnancyTestsforSale.com.)

One post from Buffalo, New York, sums up the appeal for potential shoppers:

“Wanna get your boyfriend to finally pop the question? Play a trick on Mom, Dad or one of your friends? I really don’t care what you use it for.”

That particular test was going for the reasonable rate of $25 dollars. The tests in Texas seem to be slightly more expensive, at $30 a pop.  Perhaps because of more demand from Southern ladies looking to trick their men into marrying them.

Another ad reassures buyers conscious of name brands, “This will NOT be a dollar store test. Will be either Clearblue First Response or EPT.”

PHEW.  As I always say, if I’m going to buy a urine-soaked pregnancy test to play a prank on my parents, it had better be top-of-the-line.

Other possible, totally classy uses for the positive pregnancy tests include:

  • Using it to make your boyfriend cough up money for “doctor’s appointments”
  • Telling your wife/girlfriend that you found it in the trashcan and she has some ‘splainin’ to do.
  • Having Maury Povich buy them in bulk, thus giving his show plenty of material
  • Keeping it by your bedside, because who wouldn’t want to wake up to something that somebody else has peed on?  (In short, a substitute for toddlers who are potty training.)

Awkward Baby Shower Cakes: Push It Good

Baby showers are a time for women to “ooohhh” and “aaahhh” over tiny socks and breast pumps, and for men to be thankful they’re not women.

Also, apparently, a time to let the Baby Mama know exactly what’s in store for her:

A cake AND effective birth control

Never before did I think I would have to censor a baby shower cake, but there’s a first for everything, I suppose — including the first time I’ve looked at a dessert and actually LOST my appetite (truly, a Sign of the Apocalypse).

For those of you who forgot your I.D. in order to see this X-rated goodie in all its uncensored glory, YES, the carpet matches the curtains.  I know you were wondering.  Sicko!

Stealing My Thunder

Darn it!  I’ve lined up my husband a top-notch photographer to take pictures of me and my growin’ belly tonight as I enter my 23rd week, and this woman has totally stolen my thunder by having her picture taken in MY special maternity outfit:

Lace-up hot shorts: the latest in maternity wear elegance

Oh, well.  At least I can still wear it to the baby shower.

Project Pregnant Runway

The challenge:  Make a maternity prom dress using only your grandmother’s living room drapes, scissors and a healthy dose of elegance.


And voilà!  Whoever said maternity clothes can’t be stylish, clearly did not see this classy little number.