As many of you are surely aware, Jersey Shore‘s very own epitome of elegance, Snooki, has confirmed she is indeed pregnant. Which is great news for pregnant women and new moms seeking advice, because who better to impart her maternal wisdom than the woman who has dispensed familial insights such as: “[Vinny]‘s like my big brother, I love him… but usually you don’t have sex with your big brother.”
So welcome to Snooki’s new parenting advice column!
I am the proud new mother of a baby boy and, like so many parents, have become increasingly concerned about the state of the world he is inheriting. Could you please share your ideas about how to make the world a better place for our children and our children’s children, such as recycling tips or political campaigns in which to get involved?
Green-Minded Mom in Connecticut
I’m a total politics fan. Like, I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a ten percent tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain woulda never put a ten percent tax on tanning because he is pale and he would probably wanna be tanned.
I feel like our kids have a right to know that, ya know?
Being surrounded by all of that plastic in there for nine months, the kid is bound to have some kind of nipple confusion.
No! I kid! Real Housewives of Atlanta “star” Kim Zolciak looked unusually elegant at The Cocktails & Couture For A Cause Party in Athens. Wearing a strapless black lace dress and earrings longer than the state of Delaware, Kim also came with babydaddy and NFL player Kroy Biermann on her arm.
Given the up-the-nose angle of this picture, I am guessing that Ryan Seacrest was the photographer.
Turns out, excessive silicone implantation and long-term acrylic hair usage boosts fertility, because Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak has announced she is — hold on to your wigs, y’all — pregnant.
Yes, Kim, “32,” and 25-year-old boyfriend and Atlanta Falcons defensive end Kroy Biermann are expecting their first child together.
“I was surprised!” Kim, 32, tells Life & Style. “While it wasn’t planned, God clearly has a bigger and better plan for us and we’re excited.”
At first, Kim denied reports that she was pregnant when her ex-lesbian lover leaked the news. (Don’t you just hate when that happens?)
“I was appalled and disgusted by that,” she says. “I wasn’t through my first trimester — you never know what could happen.”
Now, however, Kim is three months pregnant and ready to share the wonderful news for the right amount of money, telling Life & Style: “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Kim also has two daughters from a previous marriage, Brielle, 13, and Ariana, 9.
But here’s the news you really have been waiting for: You can FINALLY download Kim’s single, “Google Me,” on iTunes on Nov. 30.
“Google Me”? Awwww. Sounds like an ode to the conception of their child.
Okay, I’ll confess there are two Housewives series that I watch (much to Mr. Candy’s chagrin): Atlanta and New York. So color me, um, entertained to hear Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Kim Zolciak has a new GIRLFRIEND.
Top Chef‘s Padma Lakshmi has let her bun out of the oven — and it’s a baby girl.
“Glamour model” and reality “star” Katie Price has high hopes for two-year-old Princess Tiaamii, declaring that she will encourage her daughter to be a topless model when she turns 18. Reach for the stars, kid! But not the blouse.
People sure do seem to love them some Gosselins, don’t they? Read More
Tila Tequila’s latest Twitter update:
Reminds me of a little story: Our good friends, a gay couple, desperately wanted a baby and were going through adoption process, when one of their moms offered to be a surrogate for them. Yes, just out of the blue at the dinner table she exclaimed, “I’LL carry your baby!” Then passed around the basket of bread.
They haven’t been able to stomach carbs since.
Natural food chef and reality “star” Bethenny Frankel, who introduced me to the yummy, low-cal and STRONG Skinnygirl Margarita, is expecting a baby with fiancé Jason Hoppy.
Reality “stars” Trista and Ryan Sutter have welcomed their second child, a baby girl named Blakesley Grace, in their current hometown of Colorado.
Blakesley. Hmmmm… sounds like a drunkard slurring “Blake Lee” after a few too many vodka tonics.
“She’s healthy. Everything is really good,” an “exhausted” Trista told Life & Style. Because almost ALL new mothers call tabloids from their hospital beds.
The newest member of the Sutter family arrived by Caesarean section weighing 6 pounds, 2 ounces and measuring 19 inches. The former “Bachelorette” tells Life & Style that with two healthy children, this will be the last child for the couple. Trista says she plans to get the Essure permanent birth control procedure.
No word, however, on how much she got paid for that product endorsement.