Tag - Potty Training

Potty Training Excuse of the Day

Potty training with our daughter has been filled with stops and starts and — how should I put this — questionable excuses for not using the potty.  For example, here is one we’ve been hearing frequently:

She probably picked this one up from me:

“No, I don’t need to go spinning.  I just went FIVE YEARS AGO!”

Medical Expert Warns That Potty Training Too Early Can Be Harmful, Lead to Hiding Behind Shower Curtains

With Miss Skye turning three this weekend and still in Pull-ups, potty training is just becoming top-of-mind in our household.  As you may remember, I’ve shared the tell-tale signs that potty training may not be going so well, and documented the ineffectiveness of my own Jedi mind potty-training tricks, but the thing is — Mr. Candy and I haven’t been pushing Skye to use the toilet.   We have gently encouraged it, yes, and may have even rewarded her with her beloved M&Ms (if somebody offered me chocolate, I’d never get off the pot), but I haven’t been terribly concerned.  In part, because I’m confident she’ll be potty-trained by the time she goes to college and also…?  Because a pediatrician once told me that children’s bladders and sphincter muscles aren’t properly developed until they’re three, which is why younger kids often have accidents.  So, she didn’t recommend potty training until then.

Underdeveloped sphincter muscles!   Yet another phrase that never passed my lips until I became a mom.

“I potty trained all of you by the time you were two and it didn’t hurt you any,” my mom (who is not-so-secretly aghast that her granddaughter isn’t potty trained) informed me when I mentioned all of this to her.  And I’m sure that’s true, although she did subsequently admit that my brother once hid behind the shower curtain after having an accident — a tragic tale of a shamed, embarrassed toddler.  Naturally, we had a good laugh at his expense.

Hey, if you feel inclined to potty train your kids earlier, or if your kids are showing signs that they want to chuck the Elmo diapers (and who could blame them for not wanting that guy splashed across their butt?), that is fabulous.  But for those of you who, like me, are more comfortable waiting, you’ll be happy to know a top pediatric urologist agrees with your instinct, as you’ll see in the below news report.  Which you may want to mention the next time your mother-in-law pointedly notes how she trained your husband to walk to the bathroom and go on the toilet when he was just three freakin’ months old.

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My Jedi Mind Potty-Training Tricks (and Other Completely Ineffective Parenting Tips)

“Sitting in poop is icky.  Doesn’t it feel nice to have a clean diaper?” I just asked my two-year-old daughter in that encouraging tone us parents use when we’re trying to play Jedi mind tricks on our children.  Potty train, will you?  Although I know Skye would be content to stay in a dirty diaper for weeks on end, I’d hoped my continual gentle nudging would eventually make her sit up and think, “Why, yes, now that you mention it, it WOULD be nice to leave my sh*t in a pot instead of my pants!”

Skye did not miss a beat.

“No!  I like poopy diapers!”

Just as the next fifteen years flashed before my eyes — me, changing Skye’s diaper in kindergarten; me, changing Skye’s diaper at senior prom — my crazy child laughed to let me know she was kidding.

Well, half-kidding.

At least thirty minutes of every day is spent wrestling Skye to the ground to change her dirty diaper.  You would think she would be pleased with my offer to clean her free of charge, but no…!  The second I stick a finger in her pants to verify the presence of the cause of the offending odor, she’s already running in the opposite direction, insisting I’ve made a grave mistake — EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SAID NOTHING YET.  At this point, Drew and the cats grab a tub of popcorn and pull up some chairs, because they know an entertaining high-speed chase is about to ensue:  Skye, pushing tiny strollers and dolls in my path to slow me down, and me running after her with wipes and a new diaper, yelling pointless questions like, “Why would you want to stay in a dirty diaper?!”

And now I know why:  SHE LIKES THEM.  *Sigh*

There have been glimmers of hope…fleeting ones, that is.  After completing a Number One in the potty months ago, a feat celebrated with happy dances, high-fives, M&Ms, stickers, and a round of calls to the family and local news outlets, Skye has shown absolutely no interest in using the potty other than to store her stickers there.  Now, to be fair, Mr. Candy and I haven’t exactly pushed potty training yet, either, other than the typical books and videos and puppet show demonstrations put on by the cats, who are tired of smelling her crap.  Our pediatrician suggested we follow Skye’s cues, saying she’ll let us know when she’s ready, and that’s just fine with us.  As unpleasant and exhausting as it can be to change the diaper of a two-and-a-half-year-old (and, oh my, is it ever), I’m in no particular hurry.  When she’s ready, we’re ready — which, hopefully, will happen before she’s picking out china patterns with her fiancé.

My main concern is my mom’s tongue, which she may have bitten completely in half by the time we finally get our daughter potty-trained.  You see, she apparently had my siblings and I potty-trained by three weeks old, give or take a week, and is not-so-secretly dying over the fact that our child still does her business in Cookie Monster diapers.   Even on the phone, I can hear my mom biting her tongue hard when we discuss the topic, to the point there is the faint sound of crunching.  Being the sensitive daughter I am, I may or may not push her buttons to see if we can get that sucker to split in two:

MOM:  (CAREFULLY)  So… have you gotten Skylar to use the potty again?

ME:  NO!  I LIKE POOPY DIAPERS!

Hmmmm.  Wonder where my daughter gets it from.

The Penile Trap

Parents of toddlers are so busy installing stair gates and electrical outlet covers — or, as child safety experts such as myself call them, “thing-a-ma-jigs” — that they have likely neglected to address the biggest death trap in their house:

THE TOILET SEAT!

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