As everyone who watched the Oscars last night knows — and even everyone who DIDN’T watch the Oscars knows — John Travolta totally butchered Idina Menzel’s name when introducing the Frozen singer last night:
Yes! “Adele Dazim!” But I think it’s pretty obvious why John messed it up so badly — he was simply using the TODDLER pronunciation of her name. Of course! Heck, toddlers have a way of hilariously mangling tons of words. Some other things John probably says, based on real-life toddler mispronunciations:
“Hey, I’m going potty! A little private-seat would be appreciated.” –John Travolta
“Mmmm! Yummy pant-cakes!” –John Travolta
“Just taking a little spin in my helipopper!” –John Travolta
“To be honest, the weave is too tight around my head-fore.” –John Travolta
“I could really go for a plate of pisketti and meatballs right now. –John Travolta
Because when you think of quality family time, you think of judging celebrities’ outfits together. Also, I should note that I did not prompt or in any other way influence my four-year-old daughter’s responses to the photos. Turns out, she is a fashion police NATURAL. (*Sniff* I’ve never been so proud.)
Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani
4-YEAR-OLD: Yes. Looks like it has butterflies on it.
MR. CANDY: Pretty dress, but washes her out.
ME: Looks like she had Britney Spears’ Toxic bodysuit made into a ballgown.
Turns out, when you’re bored on a rainy Friday afternoon and decide to do something FASCINATING like swap out winners’ Oscars for babies…? You discover the pictures take on completely different meanings:
HALLE BERRY: “YES! She’s FINALLY going to sleep!”
Now that my daughter is three, she has opinions on pretty much everything — from what she wears to the songs I’m allowed to sing (not many). So I thought I would collect her opinions on something that really matters: what the stars wore to the Oscars. Our conversations went something like this:
Naomi Watts in Armani Prive
ME: Oh, wow. She looks stunning.
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Not good.
ME: What? Why?
THREE-YEAR-OLD: She looks like a robot! (Falls into fit of giggles.)
There were plenty of eyebrow-raising moments at last night’s Oscars. Here are just a handful of the many celebrities we thought deserved to have a note sent home, not unlike the notes that teachers may send home with our children…
When our young kids hear the titles of some of the movies up for Best Picture on Sunday, this is probably what they’re imagining…
Check out what the marketing posters for some of last night’s Best Picture nominees might have looked like if they were designed by kids…
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
Becoming a mother has changed my outlook on the world, and the fashion at the Oscars is no exception. In fact, I have some thoughts about tonight’s red carpet looks that I would like to get off my chest. Here is what I would say to some of the attendees if I were their mother (lord help them):
Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz
Jenny! Cover up, young lady! You’re going to give your father a heart attack.
And Cameron…you look like you have to use the potty. Do you need to use the potty? How many times do I have to tell you to use the potty BEFORE we leave the house for the Oscars?
1. Most Likely to Be Hiding a Slurpee in Her Hair…
2. Most Likely to Be Asked to Host the Academy Awards in 2012…
James Franco’s Grandma. (Seriously. Bring her back.)
3. Most Likely to Have Slept Through the Entire Telecast…
I’m sure all the movie stars are clamoring to know: My god, who did Candy pick as the best dressed of the night?! I will keep them in suspense no longer…