Tag - Oops

Jenna Bush Hager Reveals That Her Water Broke at Baby Shower

jenna-bush-babyWhen parched guests asked for some water at Jenna Bush’s baby shower, they got a whole lot more than they bargained for.

Jenna recently told the TODAY show that she had been opening gifts at the shower when the baby announced her arrival (three weeks early).

“I kind of started sweating, which I guess is a normal thing, but then, all of a sudden, in front of all of my friends, my water broke,” she said. “It was like a romantic comedy.”

As embarrassing as that may seem, there are benefits to having your water break at a baby shower.  For example:

  • Plenty of infant tubs, baby towels, absorbent bibs and suction thing-ys around to help clean up the mess.
  • Good excuse to get out of the “Guess the Diaper Smell:  Snickers Bar or Cat Poop?!” game.
  • That blow-dry you got for the shower?  Makes for some FABULOUS birth photos.
  • You just got everything you need for the baby at the hospital.  Just throw gifts in the car and go!
  • Nobody will judge you when you grab a dozen or so “It’s a Girl!” cupcakes for the road.  (Hey, it could be a long night.)
  • Diverts attention away from weird “Got Boobs?” onesie you got from your Great Aunt Penny.

Come on Down, Ryan Phillippe — You’re the Baby Daddy!

Nom, nom, nom

Yet another potential victim of the condom shortage in Hollywood, Ryan Phillippe, is reportedly the father of Alexis Knapp’s baby —

Um, excuse me?  Who is the heck is Alexis Knapp, you want to know?  Apparently, she is an “aspiring actress” Ryan briefly hooked up with, er… I mean, dated.  AND hooked up with.

“Alexis has told friends that the child is Ryan’s,” a source told People magazine.

Sources in multiple media outlets have said that Ryan will take responsibility if the child is indeed his.  Well, I should hope so.  Meanwhile, TMZ is reporting that he will wait to take a DNA test until after the baby is born.

As you can see, Ryan was so thrilled to receive the “YOU’RE THE BABY DADDY!” announcement, that he tried to make it disappear by devouring it.

So Your Best Friend and Wife Star in a Porno…

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

A Taiwanese carpenter bought an adult film DVD, only to find it starred his best friend using HIS tool on his wife.

… Surprise!  Talk about a buzz kill.

The sexual acts apparently had been recorded using a hidden camera and were on a pornographic DVD titled, “Affairs with Others’ Wives” (clever!), which the husband had bought for a leisurely masturbatory session at home.

Thankfully, the husband took it well and they all had a big laugh.  No!  I kid!  The husband divorced his philandering wife, not surprisingly, and stabbed his (ex-)friend in the thigh — presumably just missing the target organ.

Which reminds me of an adorable story…

Did I ever tell you Mr. Candy and I are big porn stars in India?  Yes!  It’s true!

A friend of ours sent his wedding video to relatives in India who were unable to attend the big (BIG, as in, like, one billion guests) event.  Relatives who included his cousins, grandmother, cousins and more cousins.  When he called to see if they’d received the video, Cousin #53 said, “Yes, it was AWESOME,” as though he’d just watched “Terminator Versus Wolverine:  The Battle to Save a Prominently Featured Naked Jessica Alba.” 

Curious as to what made his ten-hour-long wedding video so AWESOME, our friend did the unthinkable and watched his own wedding video… only to find the videographer had devoted nine hours of the tape zooming in on MY DRUNK HUSBAND PULLING UP MY DRESS AND GROPING ME on the dance floor.

One of these days I’m going to trek to India and buy the DVD titled, “Drunk and Horny Wedding Guests.”  For which I have yet to get a cent of my residuals. Hmphf.