Tag - Modern Family

“Modern Family” Wisdom: 10 Phil-isms to Live By

phil-modern-familyIt’s that time of year when we welcome the best season of all; I am, of course, talking about the Fall TV season.  Woo-hoo!  To get us properly excited about tonight’s premiere of one of my favorite shows, Modern Family, I’ve rounded up the top 10 “Phil-isms” to live by:


  1. “Always keep the rhythm in your feet and a little party in your shoulders.”
  2. “When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like ‘Whaaat?!’”
  3. “If you love something, set it free… unless it’s a tiger.”
  4. “I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers; it turns out I’m one of them. It’s a miracle I didn’t end up a stripper.”
  5. “I’ve always said that if my son thinks of me as one of his idiot friends, I’ve succeeded as a dad.”
  6. “The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you, if you just lower your expectations”
  7. “Claire likes to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution.’ But, I happen to believe you can be both.”
  8. “I am brave. Roller coasters? Love ’em. Scary movies? I’ve seen Ghostbusters like 7 times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah I am pretty much not afraid of anything.”
  9. “Always look people in the eye, even if they’re blind. Just say ‘I’m looking you in the eye.’”
  10. “A Realtor’s just a ninja in a blazer. The average burglar breaks in and leaves clues everywhere. But not me. I’m completely clueless.”

The Top 10 Reasons ‘Modern Family’ is Recasting Lily

It’s a tot-eat-tot world in Hollywood, as twins Jaden and Ella Hiller — who play Lily on Modern Family — are finding out.  The ABC comedy is spreading the word around the casting community that it is looking for an “Asian, 3-to 4-year-old” to play the daughter of Mitchell and Cameron.   Although there is still a small chance the Hillers will stay on the show, writers want to keep their options open.

“We adore Jaden and Ella, but have started to think that they’d rather be at home playing than working as actors,” executive producer Steve Levitan tells Entertainment Weekly. “Maybe they don’t love to be on a set and have to listen to us do a scene 10 times. Maybe they would be happier being kids. We don’t want them to be unhappy. If we feel it’s not in their best interest to stay, we will replace them, and ask that people forgive us for doing so.”

Of course, producers never tell us what’s really going on behind the scenes.  Which is why The Laughing Stork presents…

The Top 10 Reasons Modern Family is Really Recasting Lily:

10.  Let’s just say the twins insist on more than just juice in their on-set sippy cups.

9.  The twins’ suggestion that Sofia Vergara dress more demurely did not go over well with the mostly male production staff.

8.  Jaden and Ella are too embarrassed to remain on a network that also airs Wipeout.

7.  The twins are counting on Ryan Seacrest to give them their own hit reality show instead.

6.  The toddlers rejected the producer’s “suggestion” that they shave off a few months with a shot of Botots (Botox for Tots!).

5.  They’re afraid of “that really grumpy man” (Ed O’Neill).

4.  According to the toddlers, the producers “do not have a proper appreciation of our deadpan take on the character of Lily; therefore, we must leave because of creative differences.”

3.  The twins are tired of begging on-set Food Services to include Cheerios.

2.  The girls would like more time to pursue “other opportunities,” like edgy independent film roles and potty training.

1.  Three words:  CELEBRITY BABY REHAB!  (See also:  #10)

Clip of the Day: A Valuable Lesson for Husbands Worldwide on ‘Modern Family’

Just yesterday, I was complaining to Mr. Candy about how tired I am.  Bone-achingly tired.  Morning, noon and night.  “Then go to bed early tonight!  Or take a nap!” he chirped.

*Sigh*  After eight years of marriage, you’d think he’d know better by now.

When your six-months-pregnant wife is crying about chronic fatigue, there is only one correct response:  “Oh, you POOR THING!  Being pregnant must be so hard on you!”

Yes, a sympathetic ear, genuine or not, is all I want — and if that sympathetic ear happens to be accompanied by a foot massage, then I just might reward my husband with a li’l somethin’-somethin’ that night… by letting him use my burgeoning belly as a beer tray.

My belly has gone tragically beer-less, however, because Mr. Candy always follows my complaints with a “helpful” suggestion and, more often than not, a PowerPoint presentation highlighting why, exactly, it would be more painless to just organize my closet already instead of throwing myself on top of the pile of clothes and sobbing about how overwhelmed I am about the prospect of organizing it. Grrrr.

NOTE TO MR. CANDY’S MOM:  If your son ever goes missing, you may want to look at the bottom of my pile of clothes.

I had always attributed my hubby’s habit of offering frustratingly logical solutions to his job — partner at a strategy consulting firm where they are paid to come up with solutions to companies’ problems — but, as I learned on last week’s Modern Family, it’s actually because HE’S A DUDE.

Mr. Candy and I watched this together, nodding our heads the entire time.  I would breathe a sigh of relief that I’m not alone in this, except I fear my husband is always going to be a dude.  And I really do not feel like organizing that closet.