And we even happen to know what the little Prince of Cambridge is thinking:
Tag - Kate Middleton
Time of birth: 4:24 p.m.
Weight: 8 lbs., 6 oz. (so, basically, Kate already has her pre-baby figure back)
Official birth announcement: Not likely to look anything like THIS…
And, should Prince William and Duchess Kate’s new baby be unable or unwilling to perform his/her royal duties for any reason, this guy is standing by and totally ready to step in if necessary…
Thanks for welcoming our featured celebrity of the day, Kate Middleton‘s Baby Bump!
Best known in the tabloids for being “flaunted” or “hidden” or “too waif-like,” Kate Middleton’s Baby Bump (KMBB) has risen to fame the old-fashioned way: by being part of a royal family.
About seven months old, KMBB is also a fan of being outfitted in classy designer outfits and just generally being simple and down-to-earth while relaxing in its four-story, 20-room apartment in Kensington Palace. The Laughing Stork was fortunate enough to get a chance to sit down with KMBB and get its thoughts about life as the most famous baby bump in the world.
THE LAUGHING STORK: We appreciate you taking the time to talk to us, Your Royal Highness.
KATE MIDDLETON’S BABY BUMP: You should. I’m missing tea with Piers Morgan’s hairpiece for this!
Us Weekly taunts America with this cover of Kim Kardashian and questioning headline.
In response, America said, “No, we call it Photoshop.”
Meanwhile, mom of two-year-old Ever, Alanis Morrisette, also donned a bikini while in Hawaii
Hey, if any mom of a toddler actually manages to find time to shave, she SHOULD show it off.
Parents-to-be often have precious nicknames for their little ones, and Kate Middleton and Prince William apparently are no exception. A “royal insider” (twenty bucks says it’s their Cocker Spaniel, Lupo) tells tabloids that “Kate and William call the baby ‘our little grape,'” explaining that they came up with the fruity moniker after noting the size of the fetus on a recent growth chart. (Related: Check out our fun game, “Match the Baby with the Legume!“) And, if you think about it, the nickname totally makes sense — because grapes do have a lot in common with newborns. For example…
WHAT NEWBORNS AND GRAPES HAVE IN COMMON
1. Have to wash them off when you first get them.
2. They can drive you to indulge in wine and cheese.
3. They are delicious to nibble on.
4. Even when they’re a little oddly shaped, you love them anyway.
5. If you wait too long to “harvest” them, they become wrinkled and resemble an old man.
The media is all atwitter because Kate Middleton may have slipped and revealed her baby’s gender. Yes, as the Duchess accepted a teddy bear from a well-wisher, she reportedly said, “‘I will take that for my d…” before stopping herself. And, while everybody is hoping she intended to say “daughter,” we argue that there are other totally logical possibilities:
Kate Middleton is, indeed, pregnant this time.
After approximately ten million and fourteen pregnancy rumors (fueled by her habit of placing her hand on her stomach, which she is doing in pretty much every photo of her in Google images) since getting married last year, the Palace has confirmed that the Duchess and Wills are expecting a baby. This is good news for giddy “Royal Watchers” and my husband, who has said on numerous occasions that he finds Kate attractive, if only “she would put on a few pounds.”
Your wish is about to come true, my love.
Kate is currently resting in the hospital for a couple of days because she is suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum — or, as us commoners say, “suck-ass morning sickness” (SAMS). When I suffered from SAMS with my second pregnancy, I spent most of my days on the bathroom floor with a toddler straddling my back because she thought I was playing horsey. (Seriously, I lost ten pounds in two weeks and was severely dehydrated because I couldn’t even keep down water. Oh, good times!) But I guess that’s what you get when you’re known as the Queen of Margaritas instead of the Duchess of Cambridge.
Congrats, you crazy kids! As everybody told me when I was pregnant, enjoy the peace and quiet while you can. Because I’m sure the paparazzi will keep their distance and respect your privacy during this special time. In fact, we probably won’t hear another word about the pregnancy until you give birth!