Tag - Jon & Kate Plus Eight

‘Jon & Kate Plus 8′ Plus One = Giddy Tabloids

Once again, I’ve gotten sucked into this silly Gosselin family drama!  Damn you, Jon Gosselin and your new lady child, er… I mean, friend!

While the tabloid media has been pummeling reality “star” Kate Gosselin for her “controlling” ways and Cockatoo-inspired hairstyle, her estranged hubby Jon Gosselin, 32, has been gettin’ busy with the 22-year-old daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed Kate’s tummy tuck in 2006.  D’oh!

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Kate Gosselin Caught — GASP! — Disciplining Her Children

In Touch Weekly has this EXCLUSIVE photo of reality “star” and tabloid target Kate Gosselin about to smack her five-year-old kid’s behind after she repeatedly asked her daughter not to blow her whistle while she was on the phone — and the daughter repeatedly ignored her.

Kate’s tap on the rear is apparently akin to waterboarding, as evidenced by the media headlines:

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Kate Gosselin Has Therapy Session with People Magazine

Scandal!Most women would rather crawl and hide under Matthew McConaughey’s smelly armpit than have to discuss their husband’s infidelity with the world.  But, thankfully, Kate Gosselin isn’t encumbered by pride and agreed to share her side of the story for People‘s latest cover story:  “WE MIGHT SPLIT UP.”

In response to separation rumors and allegations that hubby Jon has been having an affair with 23-year-old teacher Deanna Hummel, Kate tells People:

“I don’t know that we’re in the same place anymore, that we want the same thing.  I’ve been struggling with the question of ‘Who is this person?’ for a while. I remember where I was the first time I heard her name. It’s one of those things where you can try to make it go away, but there’s blaring, red flashing lights.”

She also likened the horror of finding out about her husband’s affair with a baby to, um, the horror of finding out she was pregnant with six babies:

“It’s a lot like when I was first pregnant with the babies, and it was pure shock and denial. But over time I imagined six cribs in my house, and six car seats. When your mind is ready to go there, you can accept any number of scenarios.”

And when you are ready to accept the truth, it also helps to be armed with a stick so you can beat your husband’s ass.  Just ask any level-headed therapist.

Kate does have hope, however, that her marriage can be saved.  “I will never give up hope that every member of our family can be absolutely happy again,” she says.

And if everyone should want to tune in to their reality show to see how they deal with their “marriage in crisis,” the bump in their salaries will certainly jump-start that happiness!

Jon & Kate Plus a Mistress

Jon & Kate Plus 8 father Jon Gosselin, 32, must have too much time on his hands, what, with only having to raise eight children and all, so he has managed to fill his downtime by having an affair with a much younger third-grade school teacher, Deanna Humme.

We have ourselves a Husband of the Week contender, folks!

There have been plenty o’ rumors swirling around Jon’s alleged roving eye recently, including reports that he enjoys cruising local bars for college honies.

Ah, I remember dudes like that hanging around when I was in college.  We had a very special term of endearment for them:  “Ew.”

But now the rumors have been confirmed.  According to Miss Humme’s brother — who TOTALLY sold her out to Us Weekly — Jon and Deanna met in mid-January at Chill Lounge in Reading, Pennsylvania, where they sent each other $3 shots.  Awwww… love at first lemon drop shot!  Jon — who has twins, 8, and sextuplets, 5 — then apparently began relentlessly pursuing Miss Humme. By mid-February, he was coming over to their Reading house, where her bro says Deanna and Jon would “pretty much stay locked away like two teenagers.  It was weird.  He’s a grown man.”

Lest you think the teacher was merely helping Jon review his multiplication table, her brother eloquently added:

“A lot of the time, it was pretty, um, gross listening to her, you know, um — how do I say this? The walls are thin. Let’s just say that. I mean, no one wants to hear his sister having sex, let alone with a married dude who’s, like, almost twice her age and who has eight kids and a maybe-crazy wife. Ick. Nast.”

And he forgot:  ew.