If there is one thing that parents need — well, okay, BESIDES eyes in the back of their heads, an additional set of arms and more vodka in their liquor cabinets — it is yet another parenting magazine. Also: More exclamation points. Which is why we have launched Parent This! — a questionable guide to parenthood that likely will not earn its followers a hug of approval from Dr. Phil. (Thus why you may want to read it.)
From around the Web:
Gallagher plans to take it slow and not rush into any art projects.
TAMPA, FL—Despite having been hurt more times than he can count, local kindergartner Kyle Gallagher told reporters this week that he’s finally ready to get out there and start playdating again.
Gallagher, whose last serious relationship ended three months ago, said his decision to meet new children and return to the playdating scene wasn’t easy.
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous—after all, it’s been a while since I’ve played spacemen with someone else,” Gallagher said between small sips from a grape-juice box. “But I just can’t worry about that kind of thing anymore. It’s time to get back on that horse and see what’s out there for me.”
“I mean, I’m almost five and a half,” he added. “I’m not getting any younger.”
According to sources close to Gallagher, the small child has focused on keeping himself busy in recent weeks by drawing pictures of ninjas and searching for hidden treasures in hopes of distracting himself from the pain of his recent breakup.
Continued on The Onion >>