ALERT: If your baby is missing a onesie, this woman likely stole it for the VMAs.
Tag - Fashion Police
Because when you think of quality family time, you think of judging celebrities’ outfits together. Also, I should note that I did not prompt or in any other way influence my four-year-old daughter’s responses to the photos. Turns out, she is a fashion police NATURAL. (*Sniff* I’ve never been so proud.)
4-YEAR-OLD: Yes. Looks like it has butterflies on it.
MR. CANDY: Pretty dress, but washes her out.
ME: Looks like she had Britney Spears’ Toxic bodysuit made into a ballgown.
I have to admit, when I watched Miley Cyrus “perform” (read: dry hump) with Robin Thicke at the VMAs, I wasn’t all that shocked or outraged. Then again, I was on vacation just steps from the beach and Mr. Candy and I had already indulged in a few glasses of wine, which admittedly may have softened my attitude. But now that I realize Miley clearly is on a non-stop “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!” bender that crashes through any obstacles — aghast fiances and impressionable fans and pesky clothes, oh my! — in its attention-seeking path, I can’t help but offer a few gentle, motherly reprimands. Especially when it comes to her choice of clothes (or lack thereof). And I’m SURE when Miley reads this (I hear “glean life lessons from parenting sites” is at the top of her daily to-do list), it will make all the difference in the WORLD! *Ahem*
Oh, well. Here goes, anyway. Because she needs to hear something besides “You go, girl!” from her own parents.
Swinging naked on a wrecking ball (or, as I usually call it, “Friday night”):
I mean, if Paris started posing half-naked all the time just to get attention, would YOU — um, never mind.
Also in London:
Time for my favorite part of any awards show: the worst-dressed. (And, really, who better to judge these people’s style than the woman sitting here in dirty velour track pants, with string cheese hanging from her mouth…?)
Anna Paquin says, “Ole!”
Oh, look! January Jones’ breasts are covered with cocktail umbrellas, which would have landed her on the best dressed list, if only she’d had the decency to put them in a Mai-Tai for me.
These fashion “winners” must pass a very rigorous test here at Laughing Stork Headquarters: the ability to make me nod and squeal, “Ooohhh! Pretty!”
Claire Danes, who I’ve noticed perpetually cocks her head to the left, is a glowing, radiant, happy-looking golden girl from head to toe. Angela Chase would not approve.
Well, hello there, Jane Lynch! Way to successfully make the cross-over from worst to best dressed. The tabloid style pages will be SINGING your praises. (See what I did there?) Well-done. Well-done, indeed.
VIOLET: Ooohhh! She’s wearing the potholder I made in preschool!
SAM: My daddy wants to know how much she charges for an hour…?
SAM SHEEN: She obviously works in one of those “special clubs” my dad is always visiting in Vegas.
SEAN PRESTON: Hey! Mommy has a pole just like that in HER bedroom!
HARLOW: Three words: FAB. U. LOUS. Do they make those diapers in my size?
SEAN PRESTON: I don’t know what to think about her crazy outfit — my mama would NEVER wear so many clothes! — but Mama says she used to play “super special tickle games” with this lady’s boyfriend!