DELIRIOUS NEW MOM: Cute kid. Wonder who it belongs to? DISAPPOINTED NEW BABY: I traveled all the way down the freakin’ birth canal and all...
“Da-yum. This woman’s got some guns on her!”
“Okay, this time I’m going to get it IN my mouth.”
Due with a girl at the end of July (sounds familiar) “‘Smile?’ Yeah, YOU try smiling, buddy, when your feet are swollen and your bladder...
“Um, Mom? That dog is eating my sock!”
“For an extra fifty bucks, I’ll get them to do the Macarena for you!”
“I know, I know… I’m trying not to stare at the roadkill on Daddy’s head, too.”
“DUDE. Goatees are so 1992. Just like your movie career.”
“This guy had better keep his paws off my purse. I’ll cut a bitch, you know!”