Blue Ivy is thinking what as her mom, Beyonce, carries her up the plank to a yacht in Ibiza while wearing 6.5-inch heels?
Tag - Blue Ivy
If you were wondering about the contents of Blue Ivy’s diapers, you’re in luck! She apparently poops POTPOURRI — because that’s the only plausible explanation for this crazy talk:
“I love changing diapers,” Beyonce recently gushed to Anderson Cooper about her 9-month-old daughter. “I love it. I love every moment of it, it’s so beautiful!”
Hey, I love my kids and I love being a mom. Changing diarrhea-filled diapers while my kid writhes around like a wild badger? Not so much. But if Beyonce can’t get enough of that, she’s just going to LOVE these new mom moments that I recently experienced myself:
- Walking in to Blue’s bedroom to pick her up from a nap… only to discover she’s smeared her poop all over her head, back, crib and wall. SO PRECIOUS!
- Putting Blue on the children’s toilet in a public “Family Restroom”… only to have Blue miss the potty and pee all over the floor and her own feet. SO DARLING!
- Reading a book with Blue in bed… when she spies several wet spots on her new sheets. “What’s that?” she’ll ask Blue. “I peed on your bed!” Blue will declare with an evil laugh. SO SWEET!
Oh, just you wait, Beyonce. The true beauty of motherhood is just beginning!
School may be out for the summer, but that doesn’t mean we can’t continue flexing those mathematical muscles with an important logic problem…
If Beyoncé spends 3 hours weaving 243 braids on top of her head and steps out in a “mommy romper” costing 950 dollars, how long will it take for Blue Ivy to rip out 1 five-inch hoop earring from her ear?
Beyonce recently shared this picture of her wearing a gold “Blue” necklace (on her Tumblr, where all the cool kids are these days). I assume the necklace is a tribute to her four-month-old daughter, and not her mood or Katy Perry’s hair or the state of Jay-Z’s balls (I can’t believe I went there, either). Before having my own kids, I thought wearing jewelry bearing the names of your children was a tad corny. But now that I have two little ones…? Yeah, you guessed it: I wear my personalized baby charm necklace almost every day. Because here’s the thing about motherhood: It makes you absolutely, ridiculously corny. AND YOU DON’T CARE.
“It keeps you close to my heart,” I told Skye the other day as she touched my necklace in our very own Hallmark commercial moment. (See? The corniness just naturally spews forth!)
So if any of my fellow corny mamas out there are interested in a necklace similar to Beyonce’s, I’ve hunted down another option that capture the love and spirituality of the piece…but not the undoubtedly high price tag.
So glad I can dish about the latest celebrity family gossip here because the cats are totally sick of hearing about Jennifer Aniston’s “baby bump.” (Her official bump status this week: “suspicious looking“; seriously, not a week goes by without a mention of her “bump” in the tabloids. Amazing)
The “BREAKING NEWS” in Us Weekly today: Charlize Theron, on whom both Mr. Candy and I have a crush, has adopted a baby boy named Jackson. And just because people seem to want to know these details: Li’l Jackson was born in the U.S. and happens to be black. Most importantly, he is healthy.
Also: Her flexibility will TOTALLY be an asset as a mother. Congrats, Charlize!
Drew Barrymore spotted carrying my best friend during my first trimesters — Saltines — further fueling those pregnancy rumors. Or maybe she just wanted to be prepared if she came across some clam chowder. Either/or.
Have you heard? Of COURSE you’ve already heard.
Oh, thank you Celebrity Baby Name Gods for blessing us with another entertaining name that people will either love or hate. Me…? I’m just happy to hear the baby is healthy — and hope against hope that Blue Ivy is, indeed their daughter’s name and not just some rumor the tabloids are teasing us with. Because I don’t want to be the only one lucky enough to have the name of a stripper.
In fact, “Blue Ivy” conjures up many possible business ideas-slash-baby announcements…
There is Blue Ivy: The nightclub.
The Blue Ivy: a poorly-Photoshopped novel about a poet and his tragedy-prone family in eighteenth-century Germany.
Finally, of course, there is Blue Ivy: The Old Lady perfume.
Congrats to those crazy music moguls and their little bundle of nightclub-slash-novel-slash perfume!
Thoughts about what Blue Ivy reminds YOU of? Please do share!