Tag - Baby Names

New Zealand’s List of Banned Baby Names: Lucifer and Anal and III, Oh My!

When people bestow their kids with weird names here in the States, we celebrate them with coverage in the tabloids.  In New Zealand, however, the government has been known to reject strange monikers– and their Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages just released an updated list of 77 unacceptable baby names, perhaps to discourage new parents from picking ones that, well, might haunt their children for life. The name Justice was rejected the most — a whopping 62 times, CNN reports.

Middle names likely included IsServed and OfthePeace.

"You tried to call me WHAT?!"

“You tried to call me WHAT?!”

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In the News: Parents Name Newborn Daughter “Hashtag”

Yes, as in a Twitter hashtag.

Silver lining #1:  At least they can call her Hash for short — okay, scratch that one.

Silver lining #2:  Word has it she is already a better speller than her family and friends.  So she has that going for her.  (Plus she’s pretty darn cute.)

Silver lining #3:  At least she isn’t Prince’s daughter.  In which case, her name would be just the symbol:  #.

via People

[THE ENVELOPE PLEASE] And the Most Popular Baby Names of 2011 Are…

When Mr. Candy and I were deliberating over baby names, I had two requests:  I didn’t want the name to be in the top 10 (advantage:  minimizes confusion; disadvantage:  harder to find magnets with my daughter’s name on them) and, more importantly, I did not want the name to be in any way associated with my husband’s ex-girlfriends and/or crushes.  Which meant two immediate strikes against Mr. Candy’s favorite name:  Emily.

I mean, really.  Who would want to name their daughter after the girl known for wearing short skirts and not crossing her legs in her husband’s seventh grade class?  (Answer:  My husband, apparently.  His defense:  “But I just like the name!  WHY DO YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER EVERY STORY I’VE EVER TOLD YOU?  UGH!”)

Well, it seems there are lots of dads out there who went to middle school with miniskirt-clad girls because Emily remains on the top 10 list.  Or maybe it’s just because it’s a pretty name.  Either/or.

The big news that everyone’s whispering about regarding this year’s name announcement:  Sophia has pushed Isabella from its number-one perch, bumping Isabella to second place to claim the top spot on the Social Security Administration’s list.  SCANDAL!  Oh, no, Sophia di-in’t!

Also, Mason has climbed to number two on the list of boys’ names, a rise that some suspect may have been inspired by reality “star” Kourtney Kardashian and her little man.  Regardless, I am certain of one thing:  no one in their right mind would admit that.

I know, I know… I’ve kept you all waiting with bated breath long enough!  And the most popular baby names of 2011 are (along with what immediately spring to my mind when I hear them, for no particular reason)…

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Wherein I Show My Age: My Thoughts on the “Most Popular Baby Names of 2012”

When Mr. Candy and I were selecting baby names, we had a highly scientific process of disagreeing on almost every girl’s name, then coming across Skylar in a baby book and shrugging, “Huh.  Yeah.  That might work.”  And with Drew, well, that was the only boy’s name we both liked.  So…Drew, it was.

Fascinating, I know.  Almost as exciting as listening to Al Gore narrate a paint-drying session.

Many other expectant parents, however, apparently turn to pop culture for name inspiration.  According to baby naming website, Nameberry, some of the most popular names this year (as extrapolated from an analysis of almost 3 million page views on their site) will be borne (pun intended) out of Hunger Games mania and celebrity families.  However, when I hear these “newly” popular names…well, I know I’m getting old because I think of someone else entirely.  For example:

Rue

What new parents are thinking of:

The smallest and youngest participant in Hunger Games.

What I think of:

The woman who played the horny old chick on Golden Girls.

Cato

What new parents are thinking of:

The villain in the Hunger Games.

What I think of:

The loser who lived in O.J. Simpson’s guest house.

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In Other Parenting & Celebrity Family News This Week…

  • Sienna Miller is expecting a baby with 26-year-old boyfriend Tom Sturridge.  Only time will tell if the kid inherits their dominant hipster gene.
  • Most popular baby names of 2011 include: 1. Aiden; 2. Jackson; 3. Mason; 4. Liam; 5. Jacob; 6. Jayden; 7. Ethan; 8. Noah; 9. Lucas; 10. Logan; and for girls…1. Sophia; 2. Emma; 3. Isabella; 4. Olivia; 5. Ava; 6. Lily; 7. Chloe; 8. Madison; 9. Emily; and 10. Abigail.  Hmpf.  No Candy?  No wonder the prostitution business is struggling.
  • In news I did NOT want to hear:  Babies with sleep issues are significantly more likely to be bad sleepers as toddlers, too.  (I need to find out where I can pick up one of those caffeine IV drips.)

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Adventures in Baby Naming

Just taking a break from drowning in a pool of my own sweat (better than somebody else’s sweat, I suppose) to re-post this column about picking out a baby name.  Originally published on March 9, 2009, I was pregnant with Miss Skye at the time and successfully kept her name to ourselves UNTIL…Mr. Candy convinced me that telling our moms would make a great Mother’s Day present.  Still kind of wish we’d kept it to ourselves.

Back in the good ol’ days (read:  five months ago), Mr. Candy and I would tipsily wax poetic over a pitcher of sangria about that day waaaaaaaaay in the future (read:  now) when we’d create a life together.  I would, of course, sail through my illness-free pregnancy and pain-free delivery to welcome a perfectly healthy, Penn- or Northwestern-bound baby.  (Yes, our names are Mr. and Mrs. Preppy McPreppy.  Why do you ask?)

And names?  Oh, we had the names all picked and ready to go.  A boy?  His name would be Drew.  Girl?  Why, she would be Miss Madison.

Again, with the preppiness.  I KNOW.  I know.

Now that the sangria buzz has long worn off and reality has set in… well, selecting a name for our little girl on the way has turned out to be not so easy.

My eyes used to glaze over when my seven-year-old cousin would tell me about her friends in class, because that’s the kind of caring relative I am.  Besides, hey, let’s face it:  all you need to do is distractedly smile and nod, and make armpit farts every once in awhile, and a seven-year-old thinks you’re awesome.  Rapt attention not required.  However, now that I am with child, I make more of an effort to actually, you know, listen to what’s happening on the playground these days.  And do you know what’s going on out there, my friends?

Every little girl in the world — nay, the universe — is FREAKIN’ NAMED MADISON!

Also, telling booger jokes to friends apparently never goes out of style.  Just a little tip from this parent-to-be to you.

So, yeah, “Madison” has withered on the vine, along with our sangria buzz.  Not that there’s anything wrong with choosing a hyper-popular name (read:  Candy is trying to avoid a barrage of e-mails from indignant parents of little, booger joke-lovin’ Madisons); in fact, we clearly think it’s a lovely name, but it’s just not the route we want to take anymore.

No, instead, we want to thumb through our stupid book of “60,000 Baby Names” and yell out names while the other person noncommittally shrugs, “Nah” or yells, “No way!  I knew a girl named that in high school and she was such a BITCH!” — till we become utterly delirious.  The next morning I wake up, look at my scribbles and wonder, “How in the world did ‘Shadow’ get on our list?!”  And boom!  We’re instantly transported back to square one.

By the way, it must be noted that the author of our “Big Book of 60,000 Baby Names,” which suggests the likes of “Pribislava” and “Cupid” for our baby, is the mother of a girl named JENNIFER.  Her middle name is probably Madison.

Although we do have a list of possible contenders, albeit a shaky one, Mr. Candy and I do not yet feel inclined to share the names with anyone, including our parents.  Naturally, this has landed us on their list — their shit list, that is.   What our family does not understand is that we do not WANT their input.  We do not need that drama.  Between you and me, we just can’t shake a baby-naming story that Mr. Candy’s colleague shared about her own name; a story so tragic, that all we can do is try to learn from it.  You see,  Mr. Candy’s colleague’s parents wanted to name her “Romney.”  The grandmother hated that name with a passion, so in an attempt to keep the baby from being named Romney, she actually BOUGHT A CAT AND NAMED IT ROMNEY in hopes of deterring them.  Yes, yes, she did.  Unfortunately for the grandmother, her li’l scheme did not work:  Mr. Candy’s colleague is named — yep, you guessed it — Romney, and Grandma Crazy ended up with a cat and a granddaughter named Romney.  Ah, karma and all that.

The moral of this story:   Wait till you pop out the kid, then whip up a pitcher of sangria — and the baby naming process will become a snap.  Until, of course, you wake up the next morning, look at the birth certificate and wonder, “Why in the world did we name our baby Shadow Madison?!”

Latest Trend in Baby Naming: Torturing Children with Facebook-Inspired Names

No, I’m not talking about “Farmville” or “Poke.”  This might be even worse:  an Israeli couple has named their newborn daughter — I kid you not — “Like.”  Yeah, like, after the Facebook “Like” button.

Like, OMG.

The couple says they wanted a name that was “modern and innovative” so, naturally, they looked to Facebook for inspiration and decided on the button that people click on when they “LIKE” that a poodle wearing a tinfoil hat is more popular than Glenn Beck.

“In our opinion it’s the modern equivalent of the name Ahava [Love],” Lior Adler told the Israeli newspaper Maariv.  Except Like is much more classy.

Lior’s other two children also carry unusual monikers. His daughter is named Pie (after the dessert) and his son Vash (Hebrew for Honey).

Well, I cannot lie:  I do Like Pie and Honey.

The Adlers aren’t the first parents to look to the social networking site for baby name ideas. Earlier this year, an Egyptian father named his firstborn girl “Facebook” to honor the site’s role in Egypt’s revolution.  Which is touching, BUT… why not a Facebook-inspired name that is more soft and feminine, like Zuckerbergerita?

Oh, if only we were having a girl.  That would totally be her name.