Top 10 Parenting Phrases That Used to Have Completely Different (Read: Dirtier) Meanings
May 24, 2013 | Filed Under: Top 10 Lists | Tags: Dirty Parenting Phrases, Fun with Double Entendres, Sex
Remember the pre-kids days when these phrases meant something completely different? (Yeah, we don’t either.)
Top 10 Ways Playdates Are Like Blind Dates
May 22, 2013 | Filed Under: Top 10 Lists
Only a matter of time ’til somebody ruins it by saying something weird, acting possessive and/or bursting into tears.
10. You’re never really sure what you’re getting into.
9. You consider backing out so you can just relax at home in sweats instead.
8. You get the feeling that every move you make is being judged.
7. It starts out with everybody on their best behavior, but often unravels from there.
6. You get the feeling that one party is way more invested than the other.
5. They’re usually conducted in loud, crowded places.
4. You try to avoid ordering messy foods.
3. High hope for engaging conversation is quickly dashed.
2. You feel awkward suggesting that you end the date, because you know there is going to be protest.
1.Somebody always ruins it by saying something weird, acting possessive and/or bursting into tears.
Top 10 Signs You Are Ready to Have Baby #2
May 4, 2013 | Filed Under: Pregnancy Humor, Top 10 Lists
When you’re already juggling one kid—and everything else in life—it can be hard to remember to put on your pants before leaving the house, let alone figure out if you are ready to add another little one to the craziness. So, as a mother of two, I thought I would help those on the fence about having a second baby by lending my wisdom with this can’t-fail guide:
Top 10 Signs You Are Ready to Have Baby #2
10. You find yourself clutching your child’s outgrown newborn clothes and crying, “I wish I knew how to quit you!”
9. You reflect on your first childbirth experience and shrug, “You know, maybe being in labor for 48 hours wasn’t so bad, after all.”
8. You decide you are too well-rested.
7. You can’t help but run up to new parents and take a whiff of their baby, just to savor that delicious “new baby smell.” Even when they threaten to call the cops.
6. You start dressing the dog in “Little Brother” onesies.
5. You lustily ogle three-row minivans.
Top 10 Signs You Are the Mother of a Toddler
Apr 29, 2013 | Filed Under: Toddlers, Top 10 Lists | Tags: Toddler Fun
Being the parent of a child between the ages of 1 and 3 is a very special time — and, sometimes, a very “special” time — that changes your day-to-day life in indelible ways. Changes that are noted in these Top 10 Signs YOU Are the Mother of a Toddler:
Top 10 Best Things About Halle Berry Being a Mother of “Advanced Maternal Age”
Apr 9, 2013 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Pregnancy Humor, Top 10 Lists | Tags: Advanced Maternal Age, Halle Berry
When Halle Berry announced that she was (GASP!) pregnant at 46 years of age, people were taken aback — and had plenty of judgmental words to impart around the Internet. So I thought I would help the actress celebrate the positive aspects of being an “older” mom with this (VERY tongue-in-cheek) list of…
The 10 Best Things About Being a Mother of “Advanced Maternal Age”
10. Can make kids roll their eyes with stories such as, “I remember a time when you had to WALK to the television to change the channel…”
9. Creaking bones are good for waking up the kids for school in the morning.
8. You can post silly things about yourself on the social network of your generation—MySpace—without worrying the kids will ever discover them.
7. Diminishing vision means harder to see spots on furniture and dirt on clothes. (Ignorance is bliss!)
6. When the kids ask why you ever agreed to star in Catwoman, you can pretend you can’t hear them.
10 Ways My Spring Break as a Parent Reminds Me of Spring Break in College
Apr 2, 2013 | Filed Under: Top 10 Lists | Tags: Then and Now
My daughter’s preschool is on Spring Break this week — and it’s occurred to me that experiencing Spring Break as a parent is surprisingly similar to those I enjoyed as a college co-ed.
10 Weirdest Things We Have Said to Our Kids Lately
Apr 1, 2013 | Filed Under: Top 10 Lists
The other day I heard myself telling my three-year-old daughter, Skye, “No, I do NOT want to lick your flashcard,” then immediately thought, Man, motherhood sure does drive me to utter weird things every day. (In Skye’s defense, it was a flashcard with a picture of a lick-worthy cake.) So I thought I would see what kind of oddities you’ve recently heard coming out of your mouths. Here are 10 of the most hilarious responses from Facebook and Twitter:
10. “Stop! You may NOT take mommy’s picture while I’m on the toilet!” (Said to the two-year-old pointing his sister’s iPod right at me ~ “Cheeeez”) –Amy
9. “Pee in your cup only!” (Yelled by me through closed bathroom door to my boys – 10 and 7 – who decided it would be fun to go to together to provide their urine samples at pediatrician today!) –Bleema
8. “Stop putting french fries in your sock and just eat them.” (To my three-year-old) –Becky
7. “Stop picking your nose with your shoelaces!!” (To my 2 1/2-year-old.) –Christine
6. “Do not put your sister between your mattress and box spring!” –Chastity
5. “Diaper cream is not for eating.” (Said to my 15-month-old during a change after he grabbed his penis) –Bethany
4. “We don’t keep boogies.” –Kiribitz
3. “If you eat your french fries, I will give you candy.” (Trying to get my almost 3-year-old to eat ANYTHING.) –Jade
2. “No, no, eat your left hand — it’s much tastier.” (To my infant after he kept sucking on his right.) –Alice
1. “I am not talking to you… until you are wearing underwear.” –Allison
Top 5 Worst Ways to Prove the Easter Bunny Exists
Mar 28, 2013 | Filed Under: Top 10 Lists | Tags: Easter
If you are considering going above and beyond this Sunday to prove to the kids that the Easter Bunny did, indeed, visit the house, you may want to avoid leaving “clues” like these:
1. Having the Easter Bunny poop jelly beans.
If the kids are young enough to believe this, they are young enough to eat jelly beans out of the toilet.
