When I weaned my son with no plans for more children, I was left with a cabinet full of nursing pads. Tons and tons of nursing pads. But never fear — I found plenty of alternative ways to use them. Here are my expert tips for recycling leftover nursing pads:
1. Classic art.
Now that we have little ones, Mr. Candy and I don’t exactly party on St. Patty’s Day like we used to (meaning: we see something about it on the evening news and say “Is it March already?” and pass out ten minutes later). Sort of like this:
However, that doesn’t mean we can’t find fun ways to celebrate it with the family!
A few tips from us to you:
1. Instead of laughing over copious glasses of Guinness (mmmmm…Guinness), laugh at how mortified your child looks when you outfit him in ridiculous-looking St. Patrick’s Day accessories.
PLEASE NOTE: If he looks this happy with himself, you are doing something wrong.
1. Be an overachiever when it comes to humiliating your pet.
PRO BABY TATTOO TIP: If the first baby tattoo possesses zero percent of your child’s cuteness — and the artist has, in fact, rendered your precious offspring as a frightened baby zombie who just watched Miley Cyrus on the VMAs — do NOT hesitate to say, “Yeah. We’re good. We can just stop here,” before running to the nearest exit and never turning back. After seeing how the first one turned out, your other two children will surely understand why they were not “honored.”
MORE BABY TATTOOS>>
Something to keep in mind in the event you need a few weeks, er… we mean, moments… to yourself:
As our families welcome this beautiful season, it’s important to review a key safety rule:
Photo Credit; Photo Credit
Don’t feel like changing yet another dirty diaper? Just stick the whole kid in the Diaper Genie!
It is all-too-easy for daddies-to-be to get upstaged when posing with expectant moms and their blossoming bellies in pregnancy portraits (Could you move farther back there, Dad? Farther… farther…), but daddies obviously play an important part in the baby-makin’ process, too!
So here are The Laughing Stork’s no-fail maternity photo shoot tips for men who want to make sure they shine in the pictures, as well.
1. Find a way to subtly take control of the photo session.
2. If you’re going to superimpose yourself on your wife’s stomach, make sure you are naked, in the fetal position and sucking your thumb. A Farmer’s Tan also adds a certain je ne sais quois.
3. Don’t be afraid to pose in a way that screams, “HEY! SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”
Miss Skye is at the age where capturing a decent picture of her is nearly impossible. Place a two-and-a-half-year-old in front of the camera and you’ll either get a blur of activity or a fake “CHEESE!” smile:
As genuine as a Kardashian wedding
So when my mother requested copies of pictures I’d recently taken of our smiley six-month-old and asked, “Do you have any good ones of Skylar?” I became determined to coax a genuine smile out of our daughter for the camera and my mom’s refrigerator.
My first effort was not exactly successful:
Unless she was doing her best Gilbert Gottfried impression, in which case: SUCCESS.
But then… wait, what have we here?
Problem: Your clumsy 20-lb. cat decides to jump on your desk to google “hot kitty Halloween costumes,” knocking your full glass of fruit punch on the floor in the process, and even a professional carpet cleaner is unable to get the damn stain out.
Solution: Brighten up the area with lovely flowers. This will not only counteract the ugliness of the stain, but also distract house guests from noticing the stain and instead lead them to wonder, “Why the hell does this nutbag have a vase of flowers in the middle of her rug?”
This has been your Martha Stewart-esque home and garden tip of the day!