Category - Fashion Police

The Best, The Worst and the Most ‘Frozen’-Inspired Dressed at the 2014 Oscars: As Critiqued by Me, My Husband and My Four-Year Old Daughter

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Because when you think of quality family time, you think of judging celebrities’ outfits together.  Also, I should note that I did not prompt or in any other way influence my four-year-old daughter’s responses to the photos.  Turns out, she is a fashion police NATURAL.  (*Sniff* I’ve never been so proud.)

Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani

Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani

4-YEAR-OLD:   Yes.  Looks like it has butterflies on it.

MR. CANDY: Pretty dress, but washes her out.

ME: Looks like she had Britney Spears’ Toxic bodysuit made into a ballgown.

The Maternal Fashion Police: What the Heck is Going ON with You, Miley Cyrus?

I have to admit, when I watched Miley Cyrus “perform” (read: dry hump) with Robin Thicke at the VMAs, I wasn’t all that shocked or outraged.  Then again, I was on vacation just steps from the beach and Mr. Candy and I had already indulged in a few glasses of wine, which admittedly may have softened my attitude.  But now that I realize Miley clearly is on a non-stop “LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!” bender that crashes through any obstacles — aghast fiances and impressionable fans and pesky clothes, oh my! — in its attention-seeking path, I can’t help but offer a few gentle, motherly reprimands.  Especially when it comes to her choice of clothes (or lack thereof).  And I’m SURE when Miley reads this (I hear “glean life lessons from parenting sites” is at the top of her daily to-do list), it will make all the difference in the WORLD!  *Ahem*

Oh, well.  Here goes, anyway.  Because she needs to hear something besides “You go, girl!” from her own parents.

Swinging naked on a wrecking ball (or, as I usually call it, “Friday night”):

In London:

 

I mean, if Paris started posing half-naked all the time just to get attention, would YOU — um, never mind.

Also in London:

Preschooler Fashion Police: Rihanna Edition

PRESCHOOLER-RIHANNA

Nobody is more honest than kids (except when it comes to admitting guilt about “freshening up” the patio furniture with permanent Magic Marker, that is), so we thought we would launch a fashion police feature asking THEM what they think about celebrities’ wardrobe choices.  In this premier post, Laughing Stork founder Candy asks her daughter for her thoughts on Rihanna’s latest typically subtle ensemble…

PRESCHOOLER-RIHANNA

Funny — we thought the shoes were the LEAST of Rihanna’s problems.  But, then again, we are not style experts like these kids are.

Feel free to e-mail photos of celebrities, along with what YOUR kids think of them, to fashionpolice@thelaughingstork.com!

2013 Oscars Fashion Police: Hosted by a Mom and a Three-Year-Old

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Now that my daughter is three, she has opinions on pretty much everything — from what she wears to the songs I’m allowed to sing (not many).  So I thought I would collect her opinions on something that really matters:  what the stars wore to the Oscars.  Our conversations went something like this:

Naomi Watts in Armani Prive

ME:  Oh, wow.  She looks stunning.

THREE-YEAR-OLD:  Not good.

ME: What?  Why?

THREE-YEAR-OLD:  She looks like a robot!  (Falls into fit of giggles.)

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Family Fashion Police: Ali Larter

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Mr. Candy, our three-year-old daughter Skye and I share our thoughts about celebrities’ outfits.  Because the family that gossips together…watches E! News together?  (Awwww.)

SKYE:  [NODS HER HEAD]

CANDY:  You like it?

SKYE:  Yes!  FOR ME!  I want it!

CANDY:  [FAINTS AT THE THOUGHT OF DAUGHTER WEARING A BANDAGE FOR A SHIRT IN PUBLIC]

MR. CANDY:  This looks like what people in “Fashion Police Jail” should wear — just attach a ball-and-chain and she could be on the “Fashion Police Chain Gang.”

Family Fashion Police: Jennie Garth and Halle Berry

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Mr. Candy, our three-year-old daughter Skye and I share our thoughts about celebrities’ outfits.  Because the family that gossips together…stays catty together?  (A beautiful saying worthy of a crocheted pillow, I do believe.)

Jennie Garth

SKYE:  Good!  Mommy, YOU wear this!

CANDY:  Me?  Right now, I’m too busy trying to stop myself from making a stupid 9021-OH NO comment (well, so much for that)…

MR. CANDY:  Seriously, could Old Navy revoke her endorsement deal if they see this?

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Moms Hit the Red Carpet at the 2012 Met Ball [OH YES, THERE ARE PHOTOS]

Debra Messing uses her easy-access dress to score some beads at the event!  Sweet.

My invitation to this year’s Met gala somehow got lost in the mail — No!  I lie!  The cats and I are convinced Leslie Bibb totally stole it — so instead of providing you with behind-the-scenes juice about Dakota Fanning throwing Skittles down the front of Sofia Vergara’s dress, all I can offer are these pictures of celebrity moms at the event, complete with expert fashion commentary below.

WARNING:  Parental discretion is advised, as Beyoncé appeared to have suffered a Mommy Brain moment and forgotten the back of her dress.  Whoopsie!  (We’ve all been there.)

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Uh-oh. Looks like they ran out of Muppets willing to sacrifice themselves for Beyonce's get-up.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is one mild breeze away from showing us where Apple and Moses came from.

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Jessica Alba keeps it classy with a golden goddess Michael Kors number. What, no Muppet roadkill or near-vaginal slips? WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, ALBA?

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There's a lot going on in this picture -- Tom! Gisele! Givenchy Haute Couture! Velvet! -- and yet all I can think is: DUDE, WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOUR HAIR?!

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A Sofia Vergara picture with no cleavage? Brace yourselves, folks -- it's a Sign of the Apocalypse!

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Elizabeth Banks kindly stuck around in case Geisha services were requested.

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Um, Alicia Keys...? I hope it's the fit of the tux -- and not having a child -- that's making your vagina appear to hang to your knees.

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Amy Adams shows us how you can creatively use leftover holiday bows!

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Debra Messing uses her easy-access dress to score some beads at the event! Sweet.

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Cate Blanchett wears a black trumpet-hem Alexander McQueen gown. Bonus for the Met Ball's cleaning crew: her feather duster swept up all dirt in her path!

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"I'm wearing Valentino because I love this dress. It reminded me of a different time," said Sarah Jessica Parker. Yes! A time when... "Little House on the Prairie" was on TV.

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Heidi Klum wears an Escada mini with a lace overlay and Christian Louboutin heels -- you know, everyday mom attire.

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Marion Cotillard, mom of almost one-year-old Marcel, wears Dior Haute Couture and little else.

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Amy Poehler has made us laugh so hard that we can't breathe, so it's only fair that she wear a dress in which *she* can't breathe.

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Brooke Shields armed herself with a cane because Arnold Schwarzenegger was rumored to show up. "Get your hands off of there, Schwarzenegger!"

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Karolina Kurkova, mom of two-year-old Tobin, finds a creative solution for a bad hair day.