Apr 22, 2013 | Filed Under: Storktionary
Mar 22, 2013 | Filed Under: Storktionary
1. A contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.
2. A condition from which many parents suffer for 18 or more years.
Jul 24, 2012 | Filed Under: Storktionary | Tags: Instagram
Instagrammed (past participle; verb)
1. What us parents do to photographs of their kids in hopes of making them more “artsy” and interesting;
2. Why kids of this generation will appear to have spent their childhoods submerged in Earl Grey.
Sentence usage: “Hey, Mom! I was born in 2009, but you Instagrammed all of my baby pictures so they look like they were taken in 1973!”
To see how I’m Instagramming my kids’ lives, join me on — where else? — Instagram…
Jun 28, 2012 | Filed Under: Storktionary | Tags: Storktionary
Advanced Maternal Age (n.)
1. When a mother is age 35 or older at the time of delivery of her baby;
2. A not particularly uplifting description obviously made up by male doctors;
3. The age at which a woman is officially too old to date Jack Nicholson;
4. When an actress reaches the point in her career that she will only be considered for roles such as “Crazy Cat Lady” and “Charlie Sheen’s Mother”;
5. The time in a woman’s life when she must trade in her mini-skirts for Bermuda shorts, according to Glamour‘s monthly “What to Wear in Your 20s, 30s, 40s and Beyond (a.k.a. ‘When You Have One Foot in the Grave’)!” column.
An even more deflating synonym: Geriatric pregnancy.
Aug 25, 2011 | Filed Under: Storktionary
1. Nature’s way of preparing parents to welcome the empty nest.
Synonyms: The eye-rolling period; attitude with a capital ‘TUDE; one giant walking pimple
Aug 17, 2011 | Filed Under: Storktionary | Tags: Word of the Day
1. Element of vitality that kids always have in excess until asked to do something.
2. Something parents had before they had kids.
Jun 29, 2011 | Filed Under: Storktionary
noun /mom-ee uh-dren-l-in/
1. A magical burst of energy, widely called mommy adrenaline, that allows new mothers to power through exhaustion and mothers in general to juggle an ungodly amount of tasks at the same time. When produced in the body it increases a mother’s superhuman powers, helps her grow additional arms when necessary and, frankly, makes Superman look like a pussy in comparison.
Sentence usage: “How is Candy able to wake up for yet another 3 a.m. feeding marathon and still have the energy to simultaneously — and spitefully — kick her snoring husband? Two words: Mommy adrenaline.”
See also: Bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan.