Nov 21, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities
Backstory: Hugh Grant was chatting up a pub owner about parenthood, when he kindly introduced himself to the owner’s wife and offered to shake her hand — not realizing that she was in the midst of breastfeeding her son. She then asked for a picture with Hugh:
Looks totally comfortable, doesn’t he? *Ahem* To paraphrase an amazing(ly awful) quote from Hugh’s movie, Notting Hill:
“I’m just a girl, breastfeeding in front of a boy, asking him to pose with her.”
Nov 20, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Will Ferrell
Rumor has it that Ron Burgundy will have a baby in the Anchorman sequel, so we thought it would be appropriate to republish this…
Will Ferrell, who has three sons under the age of 7 with wife Viveca, revealed that he puts his foot down when it comes to dirty diapers.
“I refuse to do it,” he told People Magazine at the Toronto International Film Festival. “I let my wife do it. I’m not so good with it.”
Oh Will. Will, Will, Will. Sure, all parents have their own responsibility-sharing arrangements that may work for them. But, as Amy Poehler and Seth Myers would wisely ask on SNL’s Weekend Update, “Really?”
If you’re going to “refuse” to help with one of the least attractive aspects of parenting, at least make up a more colorful excuse than “I’m not so good with it.” Here are some more entertaining excuses for you, Will, that I’ve fabricated based on inspiration from your movie character — perhaps one of my favorite characters of all time — Anchorman Ron Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy’s Top 5 Excuses for Not Changing Diapers
5. “I’m very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. I can’t risk contaminating my delicious-smelling books with the stench of that baby’s Lincoln Logs!”
4. “Ooohhh, it’s the deep burn. Oh, it’s so deep. Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many curls. I don’t know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand. Phew! No way do I have the strength to change a diaper after that!”
3. [The baby cries because his diaper is full] RON: “You know I don’t speak Spanish.”
2. As explained to new colleague Veronica Corningstone:
VERONICA: Mr. Burgundy, you are acting like a baby.
RON: I’m not a baby, I’m a man! I am an anchorman!
VERONICA: You are not a man. You are a big fat joke!
RON: I’m a man who discovered the wheel, and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn! That’s what kind of man I am. You’re just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It’s science. That’s why you change the diapers and we…
VERONICA: … Wear them?
1. RON: [After finally agreeing to change a particularly nasty diaper] “I immediately regret this decision.”
Nov 16, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, End-of-Week Reprimands
Because, sometimes, celebrities need some motherly scolding…
Selena. You’re totally going to regret this, girl — oh, whatever. You’re kids. This is what kids do — only not usually in the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. Carry on, you silly, lovesick fools.
Nov 13, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise
Nov 9, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Celebrity Reprimands, Diane Sawyer, Justin Bieber, Kirstie Alley, Lindsay Lohan
Scolding deserving celebrities in our best “Mom Voice”…
Tsk, tsk, tsk, young man. You have a sweet girl in that Selena Gomez, so do right by her and do what all the other men in the world (except Leonardo DiCaprio) do — and JUST USE THE CATALOGS.
Diane! How awful! You were drinking… and didn’t invite ME for a toast? That’s just rude.
Nov 2, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Amanda Bynes, Celebrity Reprimands, Khloe Kardashian, Mom Voice, rihanna
Seems like some wayward celebrities just need a motherly voice to set them straight, doesn’t it? So I figured I would try to help these poor souls out, scolding them in my best “Mom Voice” every week…
Rihanna. Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna. You are a beautiful, talented and wildly successful woman — SO WHY ARE YOU TWEETING HALF-NAKED PHOTOS OF YOURSELF, YOUNG LADY? You don’t need to try so hard to be sexy. Really. What is it — are you not getting enough attention? Come here, sit down. Tell me about your day…
Hey, sweetie. Here… let me just put this comfy towel around you. Now follow me! I know where you can find goggles… they’re right around the corner, a few miles down, at this great psychiatric ward…
Nov 1, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Style | Tags: Rachel Zoe, Skyler Berman
Some moms are grumbling that Rachel Zoe’s choice of footwear isn’t “kid-friendly.” However, here are some reasons why we think they make the PERFECT Mom Shoes:
- Can threaten to impale overly aggressive paparazzi with them
- Gives her an excuse for making her husband chase after the kid: “Sorry, Rodg, I am lit-e-rally stuck here in these six-inch heels…”
- Makes her tall enough to reach the toys behind the other toys on the top shelf
- Can let her son wear them to circumvent the “You Must Be THIS Tall” ride requirements at Disneyland
- Able to use heels as emergency mom tool: to poke new holes in clogged sippy cups; to screw off annoying backs of toys to access batteries; to chip crusted milk off kitchen counters; etc.
Oct 29, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Father of the Week
New father Kelsey Grammer apparently knows all about the 5 S’s: swaddle; shush; swing; suck; and, of course, SEX IT UP! Which explains why he brought his three-month-old daughter, Faith, to the rockin’ (and typically clothing-optional) Halloween bash at the Playboy Mansion this weekend, prompting one Playmate to Tweet: “Why the fk does Kelsey Grammer have a newborn baby at the Mansion party!?!?!?”
Hey, simmer down, lady. It’s not like the poor guy has millions upon millions in the bank and can afford a nanny to look after — huh. Never mind.
It really is cruel to bring an infant to a Playboy party. To be surrounded by all of those ginormous milk dispensers, yet not a single tap there works…? Cruel, cruel, indeed.
A party-goer tells TMZ that Kelsey was “whooping it up at a table next to Paris Hilton just after midnight, while Baby Faith was tucked into her bassinet as the music blared.” Awwww.
It just so happens that we at The Laughing Stork have gotten our hands on the rest of Kelsey’s “Daddy and Daughter Bonding Time” to-do-list, which includes: