The Family Dish: Tabloids Address the State of Julia Roberts’ Bathing Suit & Miranda Kerr Denies Divorce
Jul 23, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: The Dish
CELEBRITY BATHING SUIT UPDATE: It’s big news when mom-of-three Julia Roberts — GASP! — wears a bikini on her Hawaiian vacation
Meanwhile, the little girl behind her is screaming, “HEY!!! AREN’T YOU THE LADY FROM MY MOM’S FAVORITE HOOKER MOVIE?”
DIVORCE RUMORS: Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom deny marriage troubles despite not wearing wedding rings
They’ve just been, you know, taking off their rings to wash the dishes. In separate houses. FOR WEEKS ON END.
Jul 18, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: Beyonce, Blue Ivy, Logic Problem
School may be out for the summer, but that doesn’t mean we can’t continue flexing those mathematical muscles with an important logic problem…
If Beyoncé spends 3 hours weaving 243 braids on top of her head and steps out in a “mommy romper” costing 950 dollars, how long will it take for Blue Ivy to rip out 1 five-inch hoop earring from her ear?
Jul 17, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: The Dish
THE SURI REPORT: Tom Cruise visits with Suri! Katie Holmes wants a “normal” wardrobe for Suri! Katie and Suri’s car gets hit by a garbage truck!
Wait, wait, wait — Katie’s getting rid of Suri’s designer clothes and heels? I call dibs on her hand-me-downs!
BABY ANNOUNCEMENT: Uma Thurman gives birth to baby girl
No word on the name, but given the mom’s name is UMA… my money is on Jane. Or Sue.
Jul 10, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities | Tags: The Dish
BABY NAME ALERT: Sienna Miller names her baby girl Marlow
And looks like Marlow’s dad has been practicing little girls’ hairstyles…on himself! Awwww.
Jun 29, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Open Letters | Tags: Katie Holmes, Relationship Obituaries, Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise
Okay, I’m sorry, Miss Suri. I know this isn’t the easiest time for you, what with your parents announcing their split and all. In fact, it — pardon my French — sucks. The only silver lining in this for you may be –
Uh, what? What’s a “silver lining,” you ask? Well, it’s finding the good in –. No, no, not the kind of silver lining that’s in your Marc Jacobs clutch. Another kind, the kind where you look for the positive in an otherwise not-so-good –. Hey, what are you looking at? Are you judging my flats? Stop. WE ARE GETTING OFF-TOPIC HERE!
We’ve all judged you too harshly in the past, from your paternity, to your taste in shoes, to your pacifier, to your choice of snacks. YOU ARE A CHILD. A small child. None of us should be that invested in the clothes you wear. Thing is, it’s not you — it’s us. We were, um, surprised by the, er, “voracity” of your father’s love for your mom, and how their relationship evolved, and were not entirely sure what to think of them together. A lot of people projected those less-than-positive feelings onto you, I think — a terrible development that I hope diminishes in the wake of this sad news for you.
Speaking of sad, I’m kinda bummed we no longer will get snapshots of your parents’ amazing dance moves…
…especially your mom’s signature “Chicken Dance” move. But remember, the other silver lining? Is YOU. Whatever else we might say about them, your parents obviously treasure you and will do whatever they can to ease the sadness for you. Oh! Even more importantly, don’t ever, ever google your name + “Chris Klein.” Ever. Because you look nothing like that buffoon –
Uh, what? What’s a “buffoon,” you ask? That one’s easy: like Barney.
From the creepy woman writing open letters to a six-year-old and coveting that six-year-old’s Marc Jacobs clutch,
Jun 27, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities
TWITTER BABY: Jessica Simpson posts pic of 8-week-old Maxwell with the greeting: “Howdy.”
Her Tweet may say “Howdy,” but her eyes are saying, “Seriously, Dad? You’re going to take a picture of me with this bedhead?!”
TABLOID “JOURNALISM”: Celebrity mom report cards, with Sandra Bullock receiving an A+ and Jennifer Lopez getting a C-
And Star magazine? Earns an A+ in asinine articles.
Jun 26, 2012 | Filed Under: Celebrities, Games | Tags: Celebrity Baby Photos
Before the leaked sex tapes and mansions on each coast, celebrities were just sweet, innocent babes — yes, it’s true! See if you can guess the famous faces behind these baby/kid photos…
Click on the pictures for the answers:
Jun 26, 2012 | Filed Under: Open Letters | Tags: Megan Fox
Oh, is this how you’re going to play it, Megan Fox? Frolicking around Hawaii in your bikini with your adorable bump on display, looking like you just stepped out of a freakin’ Garnier commercial — only this is just you, LIVING YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE. Hmpf. You’re killing me here, Megan. And just when I was starting to like you! As a female, I am programmed to make knee-jerk catty comments when I see my husband salivating over the mere mention of certain women, but then you called out Michael Bay for being a pig and my cattiness gave way to, well, the idea that I might like to buy you a pitcher of beer and pry more salacious stories out of you. Because we both know you have them.
But now you’ve gone and gotten yourself pregnant, not even considering how that kills my gossiping-over-beers plan — or how it makes us normal folks feel to see you looking so ridiculously beautiful, even when 4-5 months pregnant. I mean, the least you could have done for us was gotten afflicted with pregnancy acne. That would have been the considerate thing to do. In the meantime, I’m going to pretend you have cankles underneath that skirt.
Coincidentally, I, too, went to Hawaii when I was 3-4 months pregnant. The only thing I could keep down was white rice and I thought I might be the first woman ever to die of severe morning sickness and an incurably stuffy nose. In short, a lovely, lovely time. To combat your gorgeous vacation shots, I thought I would share what a REAL pregnant lady looks like on a Hawaiian vacation: