How NOT to Handle Two Kids Two and Under

Oct 27, 2012 | Filed Under: Babies, Candy's Column, Toddlers | Tags: Two Kids Two and Under, Two Kids Under Two

According to indisputable, statistically significant research, wherein I quickly thought about some of my friends and readers, an increasing number of people are having two children aged two and under — or, as obstetrics professionals say, “popping out dem babies back-to-back.”  Highly trained researchers in the field of made-up facts, including myself and the cats, attribute this trend to more women having kids later in life, making them eager to take advantage of their shrinking window of fertility, as well as their overriding desire to optimize the “Kids Eat Free on Tuesdays” option at IHOP.

I am one of those women who has popped out babies back-to-back.  Yes, in part because of the shrinking window of fertility, but mostly because of too many mai-tais.  Being the mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old and a 10-month-old, and a family columnist-slash-funmaker, some expectant readers have assumed I have wisdom to impart on the subject.  They are, no offense, out of their minds.

Mr. Candy and I were together for twelve years before we decided to have a baby.  Those twelve years of mental preparation totally paid off, helping me hit the ground running when I became a mom and giving me ample time to perfect my Quarters game.  Nothing, however, prepared me for the chaos of becoming the mom of two young kids.

As I previously shared, I cried in the shower for the first eight months of having two kids — a confession that scared the heck out of some of my readers about to be in the same position.  Oops.  “Please share some tips for juggling two kids!” they asked, seeking comforting advice from the very woman who frightened them in the first place.  I figured that coming up with a few tips was the least I could do in exchange for giving them nightmares, so I sat here in front of a blank computer monitor, reflecting.  Just like Skye on the potty:  I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and…nothing.

“Do you have any tips?” I asked Mr. Candy.

“Let me think about it,” he said, brow furrowed.

That was two weeks ago.  (Explains that burning smell:  two whole weeks of Mr. Candy thinking!)

So, instead of pretending we have grand advice to share about effectively juggling two kids under two and/or two and under (just saying that is exhausting), perhaps it would be more helpful if I shared what I would have done differently.  To that end:  How NOT to handle two kids two and under…

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