May 21, 2013 | Filed Under: Comics, eCards, Toddlers | Tags: Parenting Cartoons, Parenting Comics
May 6, 2013 | Filed Under: eCards, Toddlers | Tags: Funny Parenting Quotes, Funny Toddler Quotes, Jerry Seinfeld
Apr 29, 2013 | Filed Under: Toddlers, Top 10 Lists | Tags: Toddler Fun
Being the parent of a child between the ages of 1 and 3 is a very special time — and, sometimes, a very “special” time — that changes your day-to-day life in indelible ways. Changes that are noted in these Top 10 Signs YOU Are the Mother of a Toddler:
Feb 13, 2013 | Filed Under: Satire, Toddlers | Tags: Valentine's Day
What Valentine’s Day candy hearts might say if toddlers ruled the candy companies (like they rule most everything else)…
Dec 12, 2012 | Filed Under: Fun Parenting Facts, Preschoolers, Toddlers | Tags: Fun Facts
PARENTS SPEND AN AVERAGE OF*:
69 hours per year shopping for groceries
36.4 hours per year preparing breakfast
36.4 hours per year preparing lunch
143 hours per year preparing dinner
For a total of 284.8 hours per year spent on shopping and preparing food for our children.
AND THE AMOUNT OF TIME IT TAKES FOR KIDS TO REJECT AND WASTE ALL OF THAT FOOD?
Stay tuned for more Laughing Stork fun facts!
*All ironclad data based on Candy and Mr. Candy’s almond tequila-fueled assumptions
Oct 27, 2012 | Filed Under: Babies, Candy's Column, Toddlers | Tags: Two Kids Two and Under, Two Kids Under Two
According to indisputable, statistically significant research, wherein I quickly thought about some of my friends and readers, an increasing number of people are having two children aged two and under — or, as obstetrics professionals say, “popping out dem babies back-to-back.” Highly trained researchers in the field of made-up facts, including myself and the cats, attribute this trend to more women having kids later in life, making them eager to take advantage of their shrinking window of fertility, as well as their overriding desire to optimize the “Kids Eat Free on Tuesdays” option at IHOP.
I am one of those women who has popped out babies back-to-back. Yes, in part because of the shrinking window of fertility, but mostly because of too many mai-tais. Being the mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old and a 10-month-old, and a family columnist-slash-funmaker, some expectant readers have assumed I have wisdom to impart on the subject. They are, no offense, out of their minds.
Mr. Candy and I were together for twelve years before we decided to have a baby. Those twelve years of mental preparation totally paid off, helping me hit the ground running when I became a mom and giving me ample time to perfect my Quarters game. Nothing, however, prepared me for the chaos of becoming the mom of two young kids.
As I previously shared, I cried in the shower for the first eight months of having two kids — a confession that scared the heck out of some of my readers about to be in the same position. Oops. “Please share some tips for juggling two kids!” they asked, seeking comforting advice from the very woman who frightened them in the first place. I figured that coming up with a few tips was the least I could do in exchange for giving them nightmares, so I sat here in front of a blank computer monitor, reflecting. Just like Skye on the potty: I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and…nothing.
“Do you have any tips?” I asked Mr. Candy.
“Let me think about it,” he said, brow furrowed.
That was two weeks ago. (Explains that burning smell: two whole weeks of Mr. Candy thinking!)
So, instead of pretending we have grand advice to share about effectively juggling two kids under two and/or two and under (just saying that is exhausting), perhaps it would be more helpful if I shared what I would have done differently. To that end: How NOT to handle two kids two and under…
Important Laughing Stork Public Service Announcement: Does Your Toddler Suffer from a Pacifier Addiction?
Oct 24, 2012 | Filed Under: Satire, Toddlers | Tags: Pacifier Addiction, PSA, PSAs