Mar 16, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
HELP A MUTHA OUT: Please vote for The Laughing Stork for Circle of Moms’ “Top Funny Moms” award, if you’re so inclined. No need to register or anything — just click on “VOTE” and receive a lifetime of gratitude from me and the cats.
Because I ain’t too proud to beg.
POP CULTURE: How The Lorax Saved Hollywood with Savvy Marketing and Kid Power
Not to mention one bad-ass mustache.
BABY PRODUCTS: “Grave Concerns” About Popular Bumbo Baby Seat
I find it is safest when used with an accessory that doesn’t come with the seat: common sense.
CELEBRITY: Neve Campbell is Pregnant
Baby-proofing to include removing all household copies of Wild Things.
PARENTING ISSUE: “Talking to Other Parents About My Gay 7-Year-Old Son”
“For the next PTA fundraiser, we’re asking you to bring cookies and a big helping of tolerance and acceptance. Thanks!”
If Airlines Are Going to Kick Off Unruly Toddlers, Here Are 10 Other People Who Should Also Get the Boot
Mar 12, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News, Toddlers, Top 10 Lists
Have you heard about the family that was kicked off a JetBlue flight because their tired two-year-old was upset she couldn’t sit on her mom’s lap…? Yes, by the time they got her settled down and buckled in (time passed: five minutes), the flight attendant informed them the pilot had made up his mind: The family had to leave the plane for violating Federal Aviation Administration rules.
You know you’re the parent of a toddler when you hear that story and think: It only took them FIVE MINUTES to stop her tantrum? Well-done! Unlike, say, my dentist (I was in the middle of getting a cavity filled when I saw this story on the news), who looked up from his torture device and said, “They’re kicking kids off planes now? …GOOD!”
He’s lucky I was indisposed. Otherwise, I may have had no choice but to grab a drill.
Hey, I get that moody kids on planes are annoying. Lordy, do I get it. In fact, I’ve thrown a few exasperated eye-rolls in the direction of such kids, myself, and loathe flying now that I’m a parent; we are branded with a scarlet “K” for “kids” the very moment we step on the plane with our children, regardless of how they’re behaving. I’m on pins and needles the entire time, so concerned am I that we will somehow upset our fellow passengers. Oh, heaven forbid we disturb the delicate aura of our fellow passengers! Heck, I even know desperate parents who try to curry favor with surrounding passengers by offering profuse apologies in advance and plying them with free drinks.
But you know what?
If parents are going to be ostracized for having disruptive kids (to those blog commenters condemning the parents for not “controlling” their two-year-old: you have obviously never met an actual two-year-old because all you can do is try to minimize The Crazy), I submit that everyone who’s annoying and disruptive should be kicked off, too — or at least buy me a tiny bottle of terrible wine.
That’s right; I’m looking at YOU…
1. Guy Who Holds Things Up by Knowingly Trying to Stuff an Over-sized Bag in the Overhead Bin
2. Annoying Woman Who Over-Reclines
Mar 9, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
CELEBRITY: Jessica Simpson Nude on the Cover of Elle
She meant to wear clothes, but suffered from world’s worst case of pregnancy brain.
PARENTS OF THE YEAR: Parents Forget Child, 3, at Chuck E. Cheese’s, Until They See It on TV News
Blame it on the Chuck E. Cheese Band’s oddly mesmerizing powers.
HEALTH: Pregnancy Seems to Protect Against Multiple Sclerosis
Almost makes up for the whole nipple hair growth thing.
STYLE: Gwen Stefani’s Harajuku Mini Spring Kids’ Line for Target Hits Stores
It also hit my wallet. (Damn you, Gwen, and your irresistibly whimsical style!)
MOMS & WORK: Soccer Mom with Four Kids Busted for Running Manhattan Brothel
Her kids and employees had one thing in common: they were all required to be in a bed by 8 p.m.
Feb 29, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News, Weird But True | Tags: Leap Year
Well, this is ONE way to stay young…
James Clarke may technically be 44 years old; however, the Leap Year baby is celebrating his 11th actual birthday today, only getting to honor the occasion every four years. Even crazier is the fact that his son, Seamus, turned 11 yesterday — just hours before his dad — which Seamus and his friends, of course, think is awesome.
“Seamus finds it hilarious that he will turn 11 before me,” revealed James, who is having a joint 11th birthday party with his son. Apple juice all around!
Not that James is lamenting having missed out on 33 birthdays, claiming he was glad to have avoided “birthday beatings” from his friends during his childhood years.
“You know what children are like – especially boys. We were always giving each other birthday bumps or beats,” James said, making me especially glad that I’m a female with friends who gave me birthday cards instead of beat-downs.
Yet another silver lining: 44 years of free kids’ meals at IHOP and children’s movie ticket prices. Heck, who needs annual gifts when a Leap Year birthday is the gift that keeps on giving…?!
Feb 24, 2012 | Filed Under: Funny Baby Pictures, In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
INTERNATIONAL: An American Mom Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting
Well, I don’t know about the kids, but saying “oui, oui” always makes ME laugh.
CELEBRITY: Jessica Simpson Spotted Shopping for Pink Baby Clothes
Awwww. If it is indeed a baby girl, she can name her after her dad: Papa Jo!
BEAUTY: Young Teens Ask YouTube Users If They’re “Ugly”
Because if anyone will make you feel better about yourself, it’s the compassionate YouTube Community. *Ahem*
LITERATURE: Stephen Colbert Releasing Kids’ Book Titled, I Am a Pole (And So Can You!)
A career book about the stripper industry, perhaps?
FOOD: Taco Bell Launching New Doritos Taco Shell
A cheese-flavored shell — for when you want more dairy in your kid’s diet.
SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook Removes Breastfeeding Pics From “Respect the Breast” Page
“CELEBRITY”: Kourtney Kardashian Reveals She is Having a Baby Girl
And both Grandma and Grandpa Jenner are OVERJOYED…
Really! They’re smiling! Well, as much as they can these days…
Feb 21, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News, Politics | Tags: Licia Ronzulli
Italian European Parliament member Licia Ronzulli, who famously held her sleeping six-week-old daughter Victoria in a carrier while she voted in 2010, has once again shown that moms are the mother of all multi-taskers (see what I did there?) by bringing the now-18-month-old girl to work and securing her vote, as well, on the Eurozone debt crisis. Awesome.
And, really, what toddler wouldn’t want to participate in a Eurozone debt crisis debate? I know my two-year-old is all, “Eurozone debt crisis” this, and “Eurozone debt crisis” that. I try to distract her with more substantial topics, like the cool top hat Barney is wearing on TV, to no avail. *Sigh* Kids.
You just know that Silver Fox on the left is bummed because everybody is fixated on the adorable toddler instead of his sweet scarf. Of all days to break out his coolest accessory…!
Feb 17, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
POP CULTURE: Mattel Makes Prince William and Kate Middleton Dolls for Royal Wedding Anniversary
No word on whether the William doll’s hair plugs are sold separately.
POLITICS: Santorum Backer Suggests Aspirin as Birth Control
But then wives won’t be able to use the ol’ “Not tonight, dear, I’ve got a headache” excuse!
EDUCATION: Teacher Makes Students Write Letters to Jailed Boyfriend with Kiddie-Porn Charge
Well, how else are they going to learn how to spell S-L-A-M-M-E-R?
CELEBRITY: Jason Bateman Welcomes Daughter Maple Sylvie
Named in honor of their close relative, Aunt Jemima
TECHNOLOGY: FTC Tears into Apple and Google for Lack of Privacy in Kids’ Apps
Oooohhhh, you are so grounded, Apple and Android!
Feb 9, 2012 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
FOOD: JACK IN THE BOX LAUNCHES BACON MILKSHAKE
In related news, restaurant’s sales to pregnant women suddenly skyrocket.
HEALTH: A PEEK INTO THE SECRET WORLD OF TEENAGE “THINSPIRATION”
Pass these kids a bacon milkshake, please.
MARRIAGE: DATE NIGHTS CAN IMPROVE MARRIAGE, SEXUAL SATISFACTION
In other words, kids are total c*ck-blockers.
TECHNOLOGY: FACEBOOK DOESN’T REALLY REMOVE THE PHOTOS YOU DELETE
So your child may very well find that picture of you doing a keg-stand at your wedding, after all.
CELEBRITY: BEYONCE AND JAY-Z JUST TRADEMARKED THEIR BABY
Now all of those monogrammed baby towels have to be amended to Blue Ivy(TM).