Category - In the News

End-of-Week News: Passive-Aggressive Moms; Baby Daddy Hugh Grant; Accused Baby Daddy Justin Bieber

“Mom” is going to feel really dumb when she finally gets around to checking her voice-mail.  [Passive-Aggressive Notes]

Hugh Grant welcomes a daughter at 51 years old.   Good thing he has plenty of experience with young girls!  [The Celebrity Stork]

Why parents lie to let kids join Facebook.  Um, so their kids don’t have to lie to join Facebook?  [NYT]

Justin Bieber may not be able to brush off paternity claims:  LAPD may look into alleged half-minute sexual encounter.  Yes!  30 seconds!  At least it lasted longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage.  [ABC]

The 10 cutest pint-sized singers on YouTube.   And, no, I’m not talking about the aforementioned Biebs.  [Babble]

End-of-Week Roundup: Frightening(ly wrong) Halloween Cakes, Tattooed Barbie & Daddy Bloggers

The always popular "angry toilet paper" Halloween pastry

Frightening(ly wrong) Halloween cakes.  [Cake Wrecks]

It’s Always FERTILE in Philadelphia.  Two more stars from the show expecting a baby.  [The Celebrity Stork]

Because dads like to humiliate their kids on the Web, too:  The best of the daddy bloggers.  [Babble]

Tattooed Barbie causes a stir among parents.   (Wait — Pam Anderson is just now causing a stir…?)  [LA Times]

This Halloween season, the scariest thing for parents may be the sexy or gory costumes their children are wearing.  [ABC News]

Watch your back, Papa Duggar — Sister Wives’ Kody Brown is hot on your fertile tail, having just welcomed his 17th child.  Sources say when the baby saw Kody’s long, blond, flowing locks, he said, “Mom?”  [Celebrity Stork]

News Roundup: Pint-Sized Hooker on ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’ and Embarrassing Parents on Facebook

Fun Friday photo time!  With thanks to Laughing Stork reader, Jaclyn, for sharing this photo of her wee one and asking:  “Is it wrong that I think that my child looking scared to death is actually hilarious?”   Ed. note:  The publisher of this blog makes her living off of humiliating her children, so you are probably asking the wrong person.

Lighten up, people! Just some fun hooker wear for kids.

A close-up of Drew’s future wife (and dowry provider), Harper Seven Beckham.  [The Celebrity Stork]

So sweet, you may need to see the dentist afterward:  The 33 most “awwww”-inspiring parenting moments on YouTube.  [Babble]

Examples of parents embarrassing themselves on Facebook.  I look forward to the day that I can embarrass my KIDS on Facebook.  [CollegeHumor]

Hmmmm… Mr. Candy’s office assistant is awfully cute, flirty and young.  [The Furry Stork]

Did Toddlers & Tiaras Finally Go Too Far With Kid in a ‘Pretty Woman’ Prostitute Getup?”  Um… “finally”?  As if the show were so appropriate before!  [E! Online]

The top-earning celebrity moms.  Might I just say, there is something amusing about the fact that the #1 mom makes her money from liquor.  Cheers!  [Forbes]

Chez Candy update:  After tricking me into thinking there might be sleep in my near future, Drew has resumed his usual schedule of waking up every 2-3 hours throughout the night.  Ha, haaaaa!  Psych!  The little stinker has, however, started napping better in his swing during the day, so hopefully I’ll be able to start creating more content for my third baby, this here site, again.  The other Stork blogs will only be updated sporadically until Drew enters daycare part-time next year.  At which point I will be too busy crying because he’s in daycare to be productive.  *Sigh*  Such is the can’t-win life of a mom.

News Roundup: Toddlers & Tiaras Features Girl with Fake Breasts & John Stamos Demonstrates How to Cuddle

Toddlers & Tiaras goes beyond fake tanning and waxing this week — Yes!  It’s possible! — and shows a 4-year-old contestant wearing fake breasts and a butt enhancer for her Dolly Parton routine.  “I want to show the judges how beautiful I am,” little Maddy says. “I love dressing up like Dolly!”

In case your man need to brush up on his snuggle skills:  John Stamos’ Guide to Cuddling video.  Or in case you just want to get your dose of John Stamos in boxers.  Mmmm-mmmm.  [CollegeHumor]

Tori Spelling’s son wears silver nail polish — which obviously is going to lead to a life of gender confusion.  *Ahem*  [The Celebrity Stork]

This poor kitten can really use the long weekend.  [The Furry Stork]

It’s Labor Day Weekend.  So put your fingers to work and check out the latest deals ‘n’ steals in online shopping.  [The Nesting Stork]

The Laughing Stork was nominated for “Funniest Mom Blog” on Parents.com.  Woo-hoo!  I promise you a lifetime of good karma if you vote for me.  Okay, maybe not, but I can promise I’ll buy you a margarita if we ever run into each other at a bar.  (You can vote using your Facebook account.)  [Parents.com]

JCPenney Sends Girls Back to 1950 with “I’m Too Pretty to Do Homework” T-Shirt

I’m pretty sure I have a concussion as I write this.  Because after hearing about this, I banged my head on the desk several dozen times…

Mothers with daughters, grab a helmet before reading this:  JC Penney is selling a girls’ T-shirt that declares, “I’m too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me.”

Wow.  Just… wow.

“Who has time for homework when there’s a new Justin Bieber album out? She’ll love this tee that’s just as cute and sassy as she is,” the marketing copy declares.

What an awesome message to send to young girls!

Seriously, who would buy this shirt?  I’d joke that only a Kardashian sister would proudly wear such a message, only we all know there is no WAY Robert would get involved with anything academic.

Turns out, I’m not the only one who gave herself a concussion over this; after getting excoriated for trying to send girls back to 1950, JC Penney pulled the shirt from its site today, issuing this statement:

“jcpenney is committed to being America’s destination for great style and great value for the whole family.  We agree that the “Too pretty” t-shirt does not deliver an appropriate message, and we have immediately discontinued its sale.  Our merchandise is intended to appeal to a broad customer base, not to offend them. We would like to apologize to our customers and are taking action to ensure that we continue to uphold the integrity of our merchandise that they have come to expect.”

But never fear!  We’ll always have Abercrombie & Fitch, which sells T-shirt for girls with messages like “Who needs brains when you have these?” printed across the chest.  Awesome. Betty Friedan would be so proud!

Baby Fashion Trend: Pooping in Style

Whenever I change one of Drew’s explosive poops, with runny mustard-yellow excrement creeping up his back and dripping off my BRAND NEW J Brand cargo pants and BRAND NEW white tank top (hypothetically, of course… *AHEM*), I often think to myself, you know what would make this better?  If this poop-covered diaper had a cute design on it!

Well, it seems I’m in luck now.  The latest trend: “designer diapers” for babies, which can cost 20% more just because they’re printed, not white (which babies shouldn’t be wearing after Labor Day, anyway).

Lest you think this is a crappy idea, diaper companies are simply looking for new ways to boost business after a four-year decline in births during the economic downturn, reports USA Today.  Last year, Huggies had a breakthrough with Diaper Jeans (jiapers?).  On the heels of that success, Huggies announced today that it now plans to sell a “limited edition” Huggies Camo diaper at Walmart.  Because you never know when baby may need to go pantless while duck hunting.  Or need to blend in with a blue bush.  One nice thing:  the Camo diapers have a military tie-in, with Huggies donating one diaper to a military service family in need for every package sold.

Meanwhile, Pampers has also entered the fashion diaper war with something softer: flower-print nappies by fashion designer Cynthia Rowley and an argyle print for boys who prefer to take a more preppy crap.

So why parents are so willing to spend more on diapers, which are already expensive?  Advertising psychologist Renee Fraser says they’re looking for approval. “It’s all about moms getting compliments from other moms,” she says. “Babies don’t compliment each other on their diapers. Moms do.”

“What a stylish poop your kid just took!”

News Roundup: Gwyneth Paltrow Takes Stance on Breast Lifts; Dogs Thefts on Rise; Bragging About Your Kids

"I'll grab the keys and the address for Legoland. You work the navigation system. They'll never know!"

Skye and Drew chat about their plans for this weekend.

This is what I looked like pretty much every weekend morning in college.  [Tots & Giggles]

Gwyneth Paltrow takes a bold stance, declares she is pro-boob lift.  [The Celebrity Stork]

Cartoons on food boxes create nagging children.  I always knew that Tony the Tiger was bad news.  [USA Today]

Well, this is one way to keep your husband and kids off your computer:  Introducing the tampon flash drive.  [Cool Mom Tech]

The fine line between discussing and bragging about your kids.  I would give my two cents’ worth on this matter, but I’m too busy admiring what beautiful, sensitive geniuses my kids are.  [Motherlode]

Dog thefts on the rise across the nation.  A number of cats are being questioned.  [ABC News]

News Roundup: Bert and Ernie Discuss Marriage; Baby-Selling Ring Busted; Young Model Stirs Controversy

Moms get no respect, I tell ya.  We also get no showers, due to time constraints, thus why we smell like we live in a zoo.  [Cake Wrecks]

Sesame Workshop issues a statement in response to Bert and Ernie marriage petitions.  Uh, given how long they’ve lived together, aren’t they already bound by common-law marriage?  [Facebook]

Solidly C-list celebrities to star in new reality series, Hollywood Moms Club.  [The Celebrity Stork]

“Hmmm… my pillow sure does smell like kibble,” thinks this sleeping baby. [Tots & Giggles]

Baby-selling ring busted.  Lifetime Movie of the Week starring Jennifer Love Hewitt sure to follow.  [ABC News]

French Vogue stirs up controversy with a 10-year-old model posing sultrily, showing leg and wearing makeup, stilettos and haute couture.   So inappropriate!  Models don’t usually engage in such adult behavior… until they’re 12.  [The Berry]

Survey of the Day: Many Moms Would Rather Be Thin Than Have Smart Kids

The TODAY show and Parenting.com partnered to conduct a survey — oh, how we love us some juicy survey results! — of moms about their “secrets and confessions.”  Here are some of the more interesting finds:

  1. Nearly one in five moms admits medicating their child to get through a special event like a plane flight; one in 12 does it just to get some peace and quiet on a regular night.
  2. Half have knowingly sent a sick kid to daycare or school.
  3. 85 percent use their kids to get out of social obligations.
  4. Nearly one in three uses work as an excuse to avoid taking care of the kids.

Okay, I’ll confess, I’ll confess!  I’m guilty of #2 and #3, and am not above resorting to #1.  I’ve also had to walk away from a screaming baby or two in fear of LOSING MY FREAKIN’ MIND.  (Yeah, I know what you’re thinking:  Mind?  That ship sailed a LONG time ago, Candy.  Ha, ha.  Very funny, Mom.)

More fun facts:

  1. 44 percent of moms would rather be 15 pounds thinner than add 15 points to their child’s IQ.
  2. One in four fears their partner is a better parent than they are.
  3. One in ten wishes their child was the opposite sex – and of those moms, 60 percent have boys.

Hmmmm… no, no and no.  I’d rather add 15 points to my children’s IQs, so they are brilliant enough to develop a line of delicious chocolates that miraculously make me lose weight.  Win-win!

Ouch: Tooth Fairy Pinching Pennies in This Tight Economy

As if living in the shadows of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny isn’t hard enough, now the Tooth Fairy has also been hit hard by the recession.  Yes, a recent survey found that the national going rate for a child’s tooth has seen a 40-cent decline this year: From $3 to $2.60.

As you can see to our right, the recession has also sadly affected the Tooth Fairy’s waxing and gym budget.

What’s worse? A full 10% of kids are reaching under their pillows … and coming up empty. Compare that to last year when just 6% of kids found no reason to flash that increasingly toothless grin.  Ouch.

“It’s a cardinal sin not to (pay),” said Rakshanda Liaqat, a mother of two in Phoenix. “It’s about a child losing a part of her and the warm belief that the tooth fairy will take care of her precious tooth.”

No, it’s about the warm belief that the Tooth Fairy will leave some serious cash money.

“Now, on the other hand, counting the number of teeth your kid loses. And that, too, multiple times in a year? And that, too, having two kids? I can understand the economic recession the Tooth Fairy goes through in terms of her salary.”

Liaqat tried to leave $10 for every tooth her son lost — “but my son didn’t lose much of his teeth after the recession hit.”

“He lost it right on time. Before the debt crisis,” she said. “Amen to that!!”

Ten bucks!  Geesh.  Reminds me of a story about my aunt who left $10 under her grandson’s pillow.  Then, hours later, regretted leaving so much money so she tried multiple times to switch it to a five-dollar-bill, only to have him wake up or roll over every time she tried to do so.

Needless to say, he got his ten bucks.  Well-played, kid.  Well-played, indeed.

News Roundup: USA Vies for Breastfeeding Record; Toddler Swallows Pen; Woman Eats Hubby’s Ashes

Moms across the country are getting together to try to break the world record for the most women breastfeeding at one time.  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  [Chicago Sun-Times]

Mom Charged With Using Gun To Steal Teen’s Bike.”  I’m sure she had her reasons.  [CBS Boston]

App turns your iPhone, iPad, or iPod Touch into a baby monitor.  I’m still waiting for the app that transforms my iPhone into a margarita-making machine and babysitter.  [Consumer Reports]

Pacifier weaning tactics.  I see a big career ahead for the Binky Fairy!  [Babble]

Toddler recovers after swallowing ballpoint pen, shows promise for careers as circus sword swallower and/or esophagus graffiti artist.  [CBC.ca]

On this Sunday’s My Strange Addiction:  Woman can’t stop eating her dead husband’s ashes.  I think she misheard his last words:  “A time will come again when you will MEET me.”  [TV Guide]

Husbands Most Likely to Cheat, Agree to Do Electric Slide at Weddings

Here is some romantic news:  Weddings aren’t just for celebrating marriages, they’re also for betraying marriages!

IllicitEncounters.com — which I just googled and touts itself as “a discreet and confidential extra marital affairs dating service for women and men” (how sweet!) — surveyed 2,000 cheating men (their own clients, I presume) and learned that the most popular place for men to cheat is — YUP! — weddings.  In fact, one third of them had cheated at a wedding where they were sans wife.

*SIGH*  Whatever happened to loyal husbands who simply got wasted at the open bar, went back to their hotel room and passed out in front of a cheesy Skinemax flick?  Or am I just an ol’ romantic?

The places men are most likely to cheat:

Wedding: 32 percent
Bachelor party: 27 percent
Office Christmas party: 21 percent
School reunion: 9 percent

Meanwhile, women thought their partner was most likely to cheat at these places:

Office Christmas party: 37 percent
Bachelor party: 35 percent
School reunion: 17 percent
Wedding: 11 percent

D’oh.

I have to admit, there IS something about that Electric Slide that is… well…ELECTRIC!  No wonder everybody’s getting it on.