News Roundup: “Funny-Looking” Newborns; The Key to a Happy Family; Mariah Carey’s Nekkid Photos
Apr 7, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Parents submit photos of their “funny-looking newborns,” making me happy that my mom does not know how to scan a photo. (“You were a month late, so your skin was peeling off — like a reptile!” Mom exclaimed just earlier today.) [BabyCenter]
Key to a happy family is two daughters, study finds. Well, then, I guess we’re screwed. (Hmpf. Thanks a bunch for that Y chromosome, Mr. Candy.) [Fox News]
The Emancipation of Mimi’s Baby Bump: Mariah Carey shares her nude pregnancy photos with the world. [Life & Style]
“I yell at my kids way too much,” confesses a mom who surprisingly doesn’t write in ALL-CAPS [Babble]
Bugaboo’s new $1500 Donkey stroller is braying, er… flying out the window at stores. [MomsTODAY]
From Law & Order to Love & Disorder: Mariska Hargitay adopts a newborn. [People]
The Crying Game: Tennis Player David Ferrer Hits Ball at Bawling Baby
Apr 3, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News, Weird But True | Tags: Sports Edition
What is it with tennis and golf players, who are such delicate geniuses that even the sound of a leaf falling makes them miss their shot — and demand to have the tree thrown out of the stadium/off the course for “ruining” their concentration? Meanwhile, a baseball player can throw a 100-MPH fastball within, like, a 17-inch strike zone even as loud, irate fans are throwing Budweiser cans at his head.
Well, one such delicate genius, Spanish tennis player David Ferrer, was so upset that a baby was crying in the stands (and that he was losing big-time to American Mardy Fish), that he actually took a tennis ball and HIT IT IN THE DIRECTION OF THE BABY. Thankfully, Ferrer’s aim was as good as it had been the rest of the match and didn’t come close to hitting the child who stopped crying soon thereafter. Most likely so he could tell Ferrer, “Oh, really mature, dude.”
Ferrer, who ended up losing, blamed his defeat not on the baby, but on a case of indigestion. Yes! It was a bad tuna sandwich that caused his shots to go wide! Sounds like taking responsibility for his actions isn’t exactly one of his strong suits.
News Roundup: Katie Holmes Bravely Speaks Out About Penis Gummies-gate
Mar 31, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Katie Holmes says she is “horrified” by Suri’s penis gummies scandal. Fun challenge of the day: Find a way to casually work “penis gummies” into conversation! [Us]
Are leashes for children? Personally, I believe in more humane ways of keeping kids in line. Like taser guns and embedded GPS tracking chips. [New York Times]
Mom believes Facebook was making her a “bad parent,” decides to kick her Internet addiction. But then… where will she be able to see videos of dogs dancing the Funky Chicken? [Babble]
New Parents Desperately Seeking Other New Parents For Socializing. Key quote: “New parents David and Diane Huber, both 28, remain locked in a desperate search for other parents with whom they can talk exclusively about children, child-rearing, and their beautiful eight-month-old son Tyler, sources said Monday.” [The Onion]
In today’s wholly inappropriate “Who Wore It Best?” column: The Suri vs. Honor edition. [HollyBaby]
If this were my maiden name, then I would have taken my husband’s last name. [TwitPic]
News Roundup: Cougar Fail; Mom Fail; Mr. T. Win
Mar 25, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Cougar Fail
After being denied a kiss yesterday by a neighbor 39 years her junior, a 92-year-old Florida woman allegedly returned to her home, retrieved a .380 semi-automatic handgun, and fired several shots into the man’s residence. Well, no wonder — she wasted an entire Sharpie on him! [Smoking Gun]
A mom confesses that she loves her son more than her daughter. Complete with a picture of them. There goes her “Best Mom Ever” mug for Mother’s Day. [Babble]
Daily Mail breaks this important story wide open: “Pregnant Jessica Alba makes fashion misstep as she teams socks with garish peep-toe platforms!” [Daily Mail]
Because no Friday would be complete without a post with pictures of babies dressed as Mr. T. [BuzzFeed]
Taking peek-a-boo! to a whole new level of creepiness: New PreVue Pregnancy Belt shows the world your womb. [Insider]
Your daily dose of “awwww”: This pillow deserves a kitty treat. [The Berry]
Chew on This: Wearing Your Child’s Tooth on a Chain
Mar 23, 2011 | Filed Under: Defies Categorization, In the News, Style
As somebody who saved her first child’s umbilical cord stump and the positive pregnancy tests from both go ’rounds (I know! Stop looking at me like that!), I am probably not in the best position to judge this…
… But, oh well! Here I go…
The latest crazy trend: turning your kid’s first lost tooth into a necklace. Yup! Wear that precious memory of dangling gums and bloody extractions! For $65, you can get a one-of-a-kind sterling silver baby tooth necklace. Just get that tooth back from the Tooth Fairy, then send it to Etsy vendor Rock My World, and they’ll make a mold of it and cast it in sterling silver. The silver tooth (how very Kanye West) comes with a 17-inch sterling silver chain, and never fear…you’ll get baby’s real tooth back, as well.
Hmmmm… I think I’ll wait for their fall collection, which will hopefully include a gold pendant immortalizing baby’s first poo! Awwww. Should go nicely with my mammary and vaginal pieces.
Mother of the Week So Far: Mom Suing Preschool for Not Preparing 4-Year-Old for Harvard
Mar 21, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Mother of the Week
Cute, but where's your commentary-reaction paper on Sartre, kid?
Let’s face it: Preschoolers don’t spend nearly enough time calculating inverse functions and logarithms and fine-tuning their college admissions essays. Which is why a Manhattan mom paid $19,000 for her four-year-old daughter’s preschool tuition, “impressed by the school’s pledge to ready its young students for the ERB, a test used for admission at top private schools” — and is now SUING that school for allowing her kid to play in a classroom with younger kids and “boring her with lessons about shapes and colors.”
For $19,000, you’d think the mom could afford to have that stick removed from her rear end.
In court papers, Nicole Imprescia suggests York Avenue Preschool jeopardized little Lucia’s chances of getting into an elite private school or, one day, the Ivy League. She’s demanding a refund of the $19,000 tuition and class-action status for other toddlers who weren’t properly prepped for the standardized test that can mean the difference between Dalton and — gasp! — public school.
“This is about a theft where a business advertises as one thing and is actually another,” said Mathew Paulose, a lawyer for the outraged mom. “They’re nabbing $19,000 and making a run for it.”
The court papers implied the school could have damaged Lucia’s chances of getting into a top college, citing an article that identifies preschools as the first step to “the Ivy League.”
But worry not for little Lucia! “Lucia Imprescia, for the record, will get into an Ivy League school — York Avenue Preschool notwithstanding,” declared the lawyer. (No pressure or anything.) “The child is very smart and will do well in life.”
Good thing, considering the exorbitant therapy bills she’s going to have.
News Roundup: The First Wives’ Cake; A Delicious Chinese Delicacy for Your Family; Elula Lottie Miriam(?!)
Mar 11, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
The retirement cake that may reveal too much. “Start talking, mister, or you’ll be looking for wife #2 real fast.” [CakeWrecks]
Isla Fisher and Sasha Baron Cohen‘s six-month-old daughter’s name finally revealed: Elula Lottie Miriam Cohen. Hmmm. Now I can understand why they were keeping it a secret. [Us Weekly]
Well, this is sad… “Intruder Calls 911, Afraid Homeowner May Have Gun.” When you can’t trust the person you’re robbing, who CAN you trust? [KTLA]
Martha Stewart becomes a grandma. Only the baby is not allowed to call her “grandma.” Or keep her (non)grandma’s expensive gifts. What a precious time for all! [People]
Your Laughing Stork Recipe of the day: “Traditional chefs in China are hoping their local specialty — spring eggs hardboiled in boys’ urine — will catch on worldwide.” YUM. If you’re making them at your house, I’ll take a dozen! [Orange UK]
News Roundup: No Huckabee Love for Natalie Portman & No Mercy for Wife Clinging to Hood of Car
Mar 3, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Well, bastard child-bearing Natalie Portman can just forget about getting one of the famous Huckabee family Christmas cards this year. [Us Weekly]
Why underage kids should not be on Facebook. BECAUSE YOUR 11-YEAR-OLD NIECE WILL SEE THE CURSE WORDS ON YOUR WALL AND DRUNKEN PHOTOS IN YOUR GALLERY AND TATTLE ON YOU TO YOUR MOM! I say, um, hypothetically. [Babble]
Woman pens book about deciding she didn’t want to be a mother anymore. Yup, easy as that! Just click “unsubscribe to this life.” [Huffington Post]
If these two can make it work, then I harbor hope for Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre yet. [Daily Squee]
Latest in extreme housewife sports: Extreme couponing. [Boston Globe]
Somebody’s going to be sleeping on the couch: Woman clings to car’s hood for 40 miles when her husband floors accelator after argument. [CBS Sacramento]
