The “Whoa” Report: Texas Mom Delivers 16-Pound Baby
Jul 12, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Whoa
Well, there go my bragging rights. A Texas mom, who must have heard about my almost ten-pounder and decided to put us to shame, gave birth yesterday to a boy weighing — get this — 16 pounds, one ounce. Or, as they say in the medical community: WHOA.
Doctors say JaMichael Brown is one of the biggest newborns they’ve ever seen, and possibly one of the biggest births in Texas history.
“Everybody was amazed that he was so big,” surprised mama, Janet Johnson, 39, said. “I don’t think too many people have heard of having a 16-pound baby.”
No. Thank goodness. Although that would be a good story to share with teenagers in Sex Ed class.
Johnson, who was expecting a 12-pound baby but nothing close to 16 pounds, has gestational diabetes, which results in bigger newborns for many mothers. I am happy to report the baby was delivered by C-section.
Guinness World Records says the heaviest newborn ever recorded weighed 23 pounds, 12 ounces, born to an Ohio woman in 1879. Or, as they say in the medical community: DOUBLE WHOA.
JaMichael, whose father is 6-foot-7, seems to be healthy, thankfully, and was likely to be transferred from the neonatal intensive care unit into the regular nursery yesterday. Mama Johnson said she hoped to get her son home later this week — and return his newborn clothes that won’t fit.
Not to mention, Mama Johnson said, get her son out of the spotlight finally.
“It’s gotten overwhelming,” Mama Johnson said. “But if I had heard of someone having a 16-pound baby, I would probably want to have heard about it, too.”
On the bright side, JaMichael is big enough to drive himself home! (Hey, Drew and I were subjected to all of the silly jokes, too. What goes around…)
New York Cracks Down on Sippy Cups
Jul 11, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Sippy Cup Bill
Editor's note: Wearing a helmet does NOT prevent tooth decay.
With murders on the rise in New York City, it makes sense that New York lawmakers are focusing on the real danger threatening residents: Sippy cups.
Da-da-da-dummmmmmmm.
Like cigarettes and alcohol, sippy cups may soon be required to carry a warning label in New York state. The reason? Childhood tooth decay. Of course, it’s important to note that tooth decay is not caused by the cups, but rather the contents of the cups. So the label should read: SUGAR-LADEN JUICE CAN LEAD TO CAVITIES — DUH.
The New York legislature has voted in favor of the tooth-decay warning labels. The measure, however, is still under review and awaiting Governor Andrew Cuomo’s approval.
Mark Feldman, executive director of the New York state dental association, which lobbied for the measure, emphasized the risks of the spill-safe cups.
“I can show you photos of children who go to bed with sippy cups,” he told the Daily News. “All you see is little black stumps that is all that is left of the teeth.”
Which is odd because most toddlers I know don’t actually drink out of their sippy cups, but rather, turn them upside down and drench their clothes with the contents. (Yes, I’m looking at you, Miss Skye.)
News Roundup: A Puff a Day Keeps the Episiotomy Away & R.I.P. Cursive Writing
Jul 8, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Children’s birthday cakes that taste like parental revenge. [Cake Wrecks]
Pink chats about her birth plan gone awry, parenthood versus waterboarding and the power of her boobs. [Celebrity Stork]
A puff a day keeps the episiotomy away: Pregnant women smoking to make their babies smaller. To which I must respond: My mom smoked throughout her pregnancies — tsk, tsk — and had three kids over nine pounds. So puff on that. [The Telegraph]
Girl indulges in delicious mud pie. Like, real mud. [Tots & Giggles]
R.I.P. cursive handwriting: Indiana schools drop cursive writing requirement in favor of keyboard proficiency. [The Slate]
When tubal ligations and vasectomies fail. *Gulp* This is why Mr. Candy is going to have to settle for nightly handshakes for the rest of our lives. [Babble]
“8 weirdly sexual products you won’t believe are for kids.” With thanks to Laughing Stork reader, Kelly, for the link. [Cracked]
Husband-and-Wife Team of the Week So Far: Samsonite and Delilah
Jul 6, 2011 | Filed Under: Weird But True | Tags: Love & Marriage
Police say a woman was caught trying to sneak her common-law-husband out of a Mexican prison in a suitcase following a conjugal visit.
You can leave your socks on...
I bet they got caught because they balked at the $50 overweight bag fee.
And might I just say to the lucky wife: Kudos! That is one flexible man.
Weekly News Roundup: Denise Richards Adopts; Nursing Mom Gets Harassed; iPhone Users Neglect Kids
Jul 1, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
When baby book envy strikes: As you can see, this girl’s older sister is unimpressed with her accomplishments. [Passive-Aggressive Notes]
Denise Richards injects yet more estrogen into household, adopts baby girl. [The Celebrity Stork]
Baby gets a smooch from a pooch. [Tots & Giggles]
Some people think bus driver is a boob for harassing a mom nursing her 2-week-old baby on the bus. [CBS News]
Do pacifiers cause problems with breastfeeding? One mom tells naysayers to “SUCK IT!” (See what I did there?) [Babble]
“Parents Who Use an iPhone Have More Facebook Friends & Are More Neglectful.” As an iPhone user, myself, I find it very hard to believe… that we have more Facebook friends. [Social Times]
Mother of the Week So Far: Lactating Woman Arrested After Spraying Police with Breast Milk
Jun 28, 2011 | Filed Under: Weird But True | Tags: Mother of the Week
Please note: Mathilda the cow is a reenactment actor; not actual photo of lactating woman
Police did not need to ask an Ohio woman, “Got milk?” because she let her lactating breasts do the spraying, giving unwitting police officers a face full of breast milk as they tried to remove her drunken behind from a vehicle, reports Reuters.
And NO, it was not me. This time.
Stephanie Robinette, 30, was arrested and charged with domestic violence and assault linked to a domestic dispute, as well as resisting arrest and disorderly conduct — not to mention possessing lethally engorged breasts with intent to hose down legal enforcement officers.
According to the classy mama’s husband, the pair had been attending a wedding when his wife got drunk and started a fight. He said that she hit him many times before locking herself in her car outside a banquet facility on Saturday.
See? This is what happens when you can’t drink alcohol for nine months. Your tolerance…? GONE. So take note, new moms: It is crucial to rebuild your tolerance with regular (and abundantly filled) TGIF drinks before attending any weddings. Just some healthy advice from me to you.
Having obviously not rebuilt her tolerance before hitting the open bar, Robinette reportedly yelled profanities at the sheriff’s deputies and refused to get out of the car.
“When deputies attempted to remove Robinette from the vehicle, she advised the deputies that she was a breastfeeding mother and proceeded to remove her right breast from her dress and began spraying deputies and the vehicle with her breast milk,” the sheriff said.
Robinette was later removed from the car and arrested after more deputies arrived on the scene — and, may I just say, thank goodness they had plenty of officers there…. because everyone knows it takes a village of policemen to, um, get a proper handle on a wayward breast.
News Roundup: More Moms Getting High (No, Not on Life) & Pregnancy Simulation Dress Getting Panned
Jun 24, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
Behold the pregnancy simulation dress. But does it give you hemorrhoids and a ten-pound kid sitting on your bladder…? [AOL]
Could a mom have gotten away with writing the book, Go the F-ck To Sleep? Probably not… mostly because she would be too busy actually trying to get the kid to go the f-ck to sleep. [Babble]
Never-before-seen tips from Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother. Highlight: “To ensure academic excellence, inform your children that there is a mark higher than an A-plus and then shame them for failing to attain it.” [The Onion]
Graduation cakes that will make you “reach for the sky” — and for more icing to cover the text. [Cake Wrecks]
A fun birthday party idea for kids. All you need is an unmarked van and chloroform! [Tots & Giggles]
More moms are smoking pot to unwind. In related news, sales of Doritos in suburban areas have skyrocketed. [New York Post]
News Roundup: Russell Crowe Calls Circumcision “Barbaric” & Media Calculates Value of Suri’s Shoe Closet
Jun 10, 2011 | Filed Under: In the News | Tags: Weekly News Roundup
In the market for a decapitated baby snowglobe portrait…? You’re in luck! With thanks to reader, Erin, for the hot shopping tip. [Sweet Moments]
Tell us how you REALLY feel about circumcision, Russell Crowe. [The Celebrity Stork]
From the looks of this picture, “Daddy” must drink a lot. [Tots & Giggles]
Pink hits the beach with 5-day-old daughter Willow. Phew! I was wondering what was taking Willow so long to learn how to surf. [The Celebrity Stork]
Hot trend: Live-Tweeting home births. Which shouldn’t be hard to do in 140 characters or less. OUCH. EWWWW. Be glad I did NOT TwitPic that!!! [NYT]
Well, this is timely… Preparing for a new sibling: Tips to help your toddler adjust to the new baby. (Note to Miss Skye: “Allow older sibling to hit baby on head” conspicuously absent from list.) [Babble]
WombTube: Women are now taking to YouTube to share results of home pregnancy tests with total strangers. Because, you know, the YouTube community is so warm and supportive. *Ahem* [ABC]
Suri Cruise‘s shoe collection worth $150,000. But that’s not so bad when you take into account that she and her dad can share the high heels. [Daily Mail]
SO… I’ll continue to keep you apprised of any Baby Freedom news. Last night I was awakened by sporadic searing pains down my legs and I thought we might get this baby party started early, but alas, Freedom was just messing with me. As usual. Unable to go back to sleep, I did what any sane pregnant lady would do… and woke up at 5 a.m. to paint my toenails. I couldn’t see well for obvious reasons, but I’m hoping some of the red “Pouf Daddy” paint actually made somewhere in the vicinity of my toes. I would hate for Freedom’s first impression of me to be of my Pouf Daddy-splattered ankles.
