Category: Candy’s Column


Child-Rearing, The Crazy Cat People Way

Screw toilets!  We Crazy Cat People litter box-train our youngins.  And their dolls, too.


Welcome to the Zoo

There are only a few decisions in life that will irrevocably change the fiber of your being.  The decision to give up your virginity, for example*.  Or the decision to...



There are a few simple rules I expect daycare to follow:  watch my child; do not hurt my child; empty my child’s diaper every so often; keep my child off porn...


Can’t Blame a Girl for Trying

ME:  I don’t think she’s left that box all weekend. MR. CANDY:  I know, right? ME:  Why do we even bother buying toys? MR. CANDY:  Good question. ME: ...


16 Months

Miss Skye turns [INSERT MELODRAMATICALLY SENTIMENTAL SIGH HERE] 16 months old today.  SIX-FREAKIN-TEEN months, people.  Say whaaa–? And, not to brag or anything,...


U Can’t Stuff This

Re-posted from Nov 25, 2009 (and we’re doing the very same thing for Thanksgiving this year, wild and unpredictable folks that we are) Thanksgiving is a special...



Behold: What my mom had in mind when, many, many years ago, she rolled her eyes at me pounding my fists on the floor at Sears because my three-year-old ass did NOT WANT...

Top 10 Signs You May Be a Parent Who Needs to Get Out of the House More Often

10.  Whenever you drive up to your daughter’s daycare, all of her teachers yell, “HIDE!  It’s Skylar’s Mom!  You know, the woman who NEVER...

Did I Mention I Have a Baby?

BACKSTORY:  On Monday mornings, there is nowhere to park within a mile radius of Skye’s daycare because of street cleaning, parking regulations, blah, blah,...



As y’all know, trying to adopt a cat hasn’t exactly been easy for us so far, with competition and overextended, unresponsive volunteers seemingly working...