Category - Candy’s Column

Nadira-Thanksgiving

Welcome to the Zoo

There are only a few decisions in life that will irrevocably change the fiber of your being.  The decision to give up your virginity, for example*.  Or the decision to pour the sweet, sweet nectar of fraternity keg swill down your throat for...

Dec-1-2010

Hairgate

There are a few simple rules I expect daycare to follow:  watch my child; do not hurt my child; empty my child’s diaper every so often; keep my child off porn sites (at least the ones involving goats or any Kardashian sisters or both);...

Box

Can’t Blame a Girl for Trying

ME:  I don’t think she’s left that box all weekend. MR. CANDY:  I know, right? ME:  Why do we even bother buying toys? MR. CANDY:  Good question. ME:  All she needs are more boxes. MR. CANDY:  Exactly. ME:  Which means I need...

Courtyard-EndofNovember

16 Months

Miss Skye turns [INSERT MELODRAMATICALLY SENTIMENTAL SIGH HERE] 16 months old today.  SIX-FREAKIN-TEEN months, people.  Say whaaa–? And, not to brag or anything, but she already performs one hell of a dramatic interpretation of Green...

Aunt-Sharons-Outfit-2

U Can’t Stuff This

Re-posted from Nov 25, 2009 (and we’re doing the very same thing for Thanksgiving this year, wild and unpredictable folks that we are) Thanksgiving is a special holiday when we give thanks for elastic-waistband pants.  It also is a time...

Tantrum

Karma

Behold: What my mom had in mind when, many, many years ago, she rolled her eyes at me pounding my fists on the floor at Sears because my three-year-old ass did NOT WANT TO PUT ON MY COAT YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, WAAAHHH!!!, and ominously...

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Did I Mention I Have a Baby?

BACKSTORY:  On Monday mornings, there is nowhere to park within a mile radius of Skye’s daycare because of street cleaning, parking regulations, blah, blah, blah.  AS IF MONDAY MORNINGS AREN’T BAD ENOUGH.  So, being the good...

ILoveCats-2

Shameless

As y’all know, trying to adopt a cat hasn’t exactly been easy for us so far, with competition and overextended, unresponsive volunteers seemingly working against us.  Frustrated but not defeated, I decided to be even more proactive...

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The Doomed Do-gooder

A few years ago before I was even thinking about having a child (also known as:  The Years When I Thought “Yo Gabba Gabba” Was a Hip-Hop Sorority), I was overcome by how fortunate I was and decided I wanted — nay, I needed...