Category - Candy’s Column

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The N-Word

No!  Mommy’s shoulder is not for teething purposes. No!  Don’t drink the cats’ water. No!  Pound on daddy‘s laptop instead. Lately we’ve been saying “no” ’round here even more frequently than...

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A mother should always be prepared

ME:  Could you please, um, move your car?  Please…? MAN IN 7-ELEVEN PARKING LOT:  [BLANK STARE] ME:  [GESTURING]  You’re parked too close.  I can’t open my door. MAN:  Why don’t you get in the passenger side and...

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Your recommended daily dose of sappiness

Since the day those two pink lines (See what I just did there?  This here’s a fancy-schmancy high-tech blog, I tell ya!) appeared on my home pregnancy test, I have become a big sentimental mess of an individual.  A look shared between...

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Mr. C’s big day

It is Mr. Candy’s birthday today, a day that sort of went unnoticed last year because we were too busy gazing at the new eight-pound resident in our house and asking each other with wonder, “Whom does SHE belong to?  And when are...

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Lapping up the attention

Ever since we returned from Skye’s eight-day East Coast Birthday Party Tour, Marcy has been on us like The Hoff on a cheeseburger.  She refuses to take her eye off of us for a second, squeezing her way onto my office chair, her...

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Out of the mouths of babes’ parents

Babyologists have long discussed the horrifying things that come out of a baby’s butt during the first years of life, but rarely have they tackled something potentially even more confounding:  the things that come out of new...

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The Baby Manicure Tragedy

Re-posted from October 16, 2009. The family is en route to Los Angeles after Skye’s successful 2010 East Coast Birthday Tour. The manicure victim blows bubbles to cope with her trauma With motherhood comes many new and important...

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Riddle me this

I cannot tell you how many times friends and family have told us, “You and Mr. Candy make such cute babies.  You HAVE to have another one!”  So does that mean if Miss Skye, say, had an Olsen Twin-sized goiter on her neck, that Mr...

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Eight Years of Marriage

The foundation of a good marriage:  a shared love for high-fashion Mr. Candy and I were not brought together in a “meet-cute.”   We didn’t hop into the same New York cab in the pouring rain.  Our hands didn’t brush...

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Eleven Months

Dear Miss Skye, Happy eleven-month-iversary!  Or, as I like to call it, holy sh*t, my baby is growing up too damn fast.  Please cover your ears, which stick out exactly like mine, whenever I utter this expletive-laden cry.  I suspect I will...

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The “Normal” Family

The relationship between my mother and me has always been special, a friendship marked by candor, laughter, verbal sparring matches and, most precious of all, juicy gossip sessions.  We dish about everything from the latest celebrity scandal...