11 Months Old
May 13, 2012 | Filed Under: Candy's Photoblog | Tags: Fun with Baby Hats, Sir Drew
Also known as: the age at which you can officially rock a fedora.
Candy’s Family Photoblog: The Joker
May 6, 2012 | Filed Under: Candy's Photoblog | Tags: Miss Skye
Only instead of being a maniacal killer, this one’s a maniacal chocolate addict, torturing her mother with cries of “More? More? MORE!!!” (Can’t imagine where she gets that from. *AHEM*)
Candy’s Family Photoblog: Our Future Cardiologist
May 2, 2012 | Filed Under: Candy's Photoblog, Our Crazy Cats | Tags: Cardiologists of Tomorrow, Marcy
“Well,” thinks Marcy, resigned. “Better this than a proctological exam.”
Girls Are From Venus, Boys Are From “WOOEE, HOW DO I MAKE THIS EXPLODE?!”
May 2, 2012 | Filed Under: Candy's Column | Tags: Gender Stereotypes, Gender-Based Behavior
Before having kids, I had always wondered whether gender roles were more nature or the product of Disney’s Marketing Department. Then I found out I was pregnant with a girl and launched my own personal revolt against all things pink and princess. Screw Snow White and the dwarves she rode in on! Toy marketers would not get their sexist hands on my child. Yes, I marched into Skye’s nursery waving an anti-Cinderella flag with one hand and decorating her room with lovely-yet-gender-neutral green and yellow dragonfly bedding with the other (talented, aren’t I?). Mr. Candy and I also filled her toy chest with a well-balanced diet of dolls and race cars, sports gear and tea party sets.
Fast-forward more than two years later and what is Skye’s favorite color? Pink. What kind of cup did she request yesterday? Oh yes, a princess one. “Don’t you want the Buzz and Woody cup instead?” I suggested hopefully, knowing how much she enjoys the Toy Story trilogy. “No. PRINCESS!” my daughter declared unequivocally. Her dolls have been lovingly diapered and swaddled a thousand times over, while the cars have since settled to the bottom of the chest, having been briefly played with then cast aside in favor of tea parties. The balls we bought do get thrown and kicked, but sometimes…? They also get swaddled and carried around like a baby, I KID YOU NOT. I show her a sports team track suit, a gift from an aunt and uncle hoping to brainwash her into becoming a Philly fan, and she scrunches her little two-year-old nose. “I want to wear a dress,” she says. “Pink one!”
You hear that? That’s the sound of my anti-Cinderella flag drooping in defeat.
My unofficial gender-based behavior study became even more interesting when I gave birth to my son ten months ago. From almost the minute he was born, people would come up to me and say, “He’s all boy!” As opposed to, you know, one-eighth boy. Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, well, I would have at least twelve dollars.
Things I Hated About Myself as a Teenager That I Love About Myself as a Mom
Apr 30, 2012 | Filed Under: Candy's Column | Tags: Teens
Ah, the teenage years — full of raging hormones, bad attitudes, insecurities and zits big enough to be claimed as a tax deduction. Now that I’m a mom, I can’t help but cringe at the thought of my kids becoming teenagers someday. In part because I don’t know if we have the space to house the monster-sized zits and attitude, but mostly because of the heartbreaking insecurities. Although Mr. Candy and I will do what we can to instill in our children a sense of confidence and self-worth beyond outer beauty, any old reruns of Keeping Up with the Kardashians will surely nip all of that in the bud.
So, for my kids, I created this chart of things I hated about myself as a crazy, insecure teenager but now embrace as a crazy, more secure mom, in hopes that they’ll one day be able to have a similar appreciation for their “imperfections.” And laugh at my permed ’90s hair and un-waxed eyebrows.
How NOT to Handle Two Kids Two and Under
Apr 27, 2012 | Filed Under: Candy's Column | Tags: Two Kids Two and Under, Two Kids Under Two
According to indisputable, statistically significant research, wherein I quickly thought about some of my friends and readers, an increasing number of people are having two children aged two and under — or, as obstetrics professionals say, “popping out dem babies back-to-back.” Highly trained researchers in the field of made-up facts, including myself and the cats, attribute this trend to more women having kids later in life, making them eager to take advantage of their shrinking window of fertility, as well as their overriding desire to optimize the “Kids Eat Free on Tuesdays” option at IHOP.
I am one of those women who has popped out babies back-to-back. Yes, in part because of the shrinking window of fertility, but mostly because of too many mai-tais. Being the mother of a two-and-a-half-year-old and a 10-month-old, and a family columnist-slash-funmaker, some expectant readers have assumed I have wisdom to impart on the subject. They are, no offense, out of their minds.
Mr. Candy and I were together for twelve years before we decided to have a baby. Those twelve years of mental preparation totally paid off, helping me hit the ground running when I became a mom and giving me ample time to perfect my Quarters game. Nothing, however, prepared me for the chaos of becoming the mom of two young kids.
As I previously shared, I cried in the shower for the first eight months of having two kids — a confession that scared the heck out of some of my readers about to be in the same position. Oops. “Please share some tips for juggling two kids!” they asked, seeking comforting advice from the very woman who frightened them in the first place. I figured that coming up with a few tips was the least I could do in exchange for giving them nightmares, so I sat here in front of a blank computer monitor, reflecting. Just like Skye on the potty: I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and…nothing.
“Do you have any tips?” I asked Mr. Candy.
“Let me think about it,” he said, brow furrowed.
That was two weeks ago. (Explains that burning smell: two whole weeks of Mr. Candy thinking!)
So, instead of pretending we have grand advice to share about effectively juggling two kids under two and/or two and under (just saying that is exhausting), perhaps it would be more helpful if I shared what I would have done differently. To that end: How NOT to handle two kids two and under…
