My Guide to Embarrassing Your Children on Thanksgiving

Because the only thing more fun than gorging ourselves this holiday, is making our kids groan with embarrassment and throw us an exasperated eye-roll…

1.  DO wear a ridiculous turkey sweater.

2.  And accessorize it with roasted turkey earrings.

3.  DO tell corny jokes over Thanksgiving dinner:

4.  And unbutton your pants to release the monstrosity that is your overstuffed stomach afterward.  (Lie on the couch and moan in pain for good measure.)

5.  DO cap off the festivities with a rousing family rendition of “The Turkey Song”:

Sung to: “I’m a Little Teapot”

I’m a little turkey
Short and fat
Thanksgiving Day is coming
Now what do you think of that ?
I had better run as fast as I can
Or your mommy will roast me in a pan!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).